QuacksO's definitions

living will

A type of inheritance-document which releases and distributes assets while the bequeather is "still with us"; particularly common among "unpopular" geezers with greedy impatient young heirs: said geezer fears that said heirs may conspire to "off him before his time" because they do not love or care for him personally, and so they just want him out of the way so they can get their grabby hands on his money sooner. So this kind of WILL may better insure that he can go on LIVING a while longer; it also allows him to monitor and stipulate how his money is being used, something he could not do after his death.

Seniors club member #1: You mean to tell me that you gave your nephews their inheritance money now?! How come?
Seniors club member #2: Oh, just a precaution in an effort to live longer --- a living will is cheaper than hiring a bodyguard!

by QuacksO December 28, 2011

Beauty and the Breast

A PG-rated "supplementary" essay to the classic fairly tale, this missive advises pre-teen and early-teen girls about why some of the boys in her neighborhood or school are suddenly expressing interest in her, even though previously they may have either mostly ignored her or treated her like she was ugly, fat, geeky/awkward, bothersome, etc.

If the "Beauty and the Breast" pamphlet had been around in Laura Ingalls' time, the prematurely-buxom Sylvia might have not been so upset and scared when neighborhood boys started pestering and harassing her.

by QuacksO May 27, 2019

consuemer

A product/service-user who is always looking for opportunities to profit from said commodity's manufacturers/suppliers in court.

As many stupid-a** "you may be entitled to a share of a huge class-action settlement" banner-ads dat I see on da Internet, those advertisers seem to think dat we are all just a bunch of opportunistic consuemers!

by QuacksO November 17, 2019

nounose

Using excessive place-of-being words, as opposed to being "verbose".

Stuffed-shirt politicians are known for being nounose --- spouting "freedom", "economy", "patriotism" --- rather than overusing action words like "rebel", "question", "protest", etc.

by QuacksO August 25, 2025

mirroracle

What a phony weight-loss doctor performs by having an overweight person view himself in a gimmicked looking glass dat is slightly concave, causing his reflected image to appear slimmer than he actually is.

Perhaps if President Taft's official doctor performed a "mirroracle of medicine" to trick said corpulent commander-in-chief into thinking dat he was actually not quite so rotund as he actually was, it caused him to feel a bit less despondent about his weight, but it did nothing to alter said heavy head-honcho's actual bulk --- he had not been any less space-occupying at da time of his death, and so he is rumored to have been buried in a coffin da size of a piano case.

by QuacksO November 13, 2022

fizzique

Da body shape you'll get from guzzling carbonated beverages.

If you imbibe unsugared soda, your resulting fizzique may still look fairly good.

by QuacksO July 11, 2023

Return To Spender

Da way you should mark an envelope containing an astronomical department-store/online-merchant invoice dat someone who had "gone wild with his credit card" has sent to you and blubberingly asked if you would pay off his bill for him. Hey --- we are all responsible for our actions, so unless there was actually a prior agreement, it's not up to someone else to "bail you out" if you are not wise/thrifty with your purchasing!

I always try to be very frugal and carefully calculate how much I am paying for an actual/virtual cart of merchandise, so that hopefully I can avoid having any "Return To Spender" letters' winding up in my mailbox!

by QuacksO September 22, 2020