QuacksO's definitions

evidense

Glaringly-obvious proof that is so easy to observe that even a clueless "thickhead" should be able to notice it.

In Edgar Allen Poe's "The Purloined Letter", Monsieur Dupin is able to locate the stolen missive quite easily in the Minister's study, even though the Prefect and his men had twice minutely searched said room, yet never noticed said evidense that was right out in plain view.

by QuacksO June 23, 2019

over-the-counter medication

Stored-behind-da-checkout-platform substances dat are so strongly craved by certain customers dat dey will actually "vault da table" to obtain some.

Hagar The Horrible is infamous for infuriatedly taking a flying leap over an obstacle with his sword flailing whenever someone located behind said obstruction denies him a request, so one would hope that he never is prescribed any health-improvement pills by Dr. Zook, or said much-desired products might wind up being "over-the-counter medications" if said imperious Viking either was unable to pay for said pharmaceuticals, or he was wanting additional meds prior to the refill date.

by QuacksO November 3, 2023

U.S.S. Juan Valdez

The infamous cargo-carrier that ran aground (due to Captain Joseph Hazlenut's having downed one too many cups of joe) in Alaska and spilled thousands of pounds of Colombian coffee into the bay, giving the surrounding wildlife a major case of the caffeine-jitters and thus causing them to behave really weird for weeks afterwards. The fiasco caused a major "media-buzz", as well.

After the U.S.S. Juan Valdez accident, coffee-transporting cargo-vessels were required to pack their coffee in separate thick-walled metal shipping-containers rather than just bulk-filling their holds with the dry product, to reduce the chance of the coffee's just spilling right out into the ocean if the ship's hull is breached.

by QuacksO August 5, 2018

scuba-diving

Where you use a straw or swizzle-stick to probe down into da big “scuba”* ice cream in yer cone to determine if da diner’s soda-jerk remembered to include yer prize at da bottom, or to check and see if there is indeed a delightful sticky-creamy chocolate-fudge center.
*Apologies to Abbot & Costello for swipin’ their joke here. :P

Redneck psychologist: I’ve found that one of the best --- and least painful/intrusive --- ways to determine if a client has obsessive-compulsive tendencies is to take him out for ice cream at a fast-food joint that offers a fun little prize down inside the cone, and then I simply observe whether my client performs a “scuba-diving” action before he finishes the ice cream.

by QuacksO September 15, 2018

incarserration

Slammer-time dat ya get sentenced to due to yer not having properly cut da grooves into knife-blades.

Ya can get similar-length stints at Da Crossbar Hotel if ya either neglected to form sawing-channels into tough-materials-slicing cutlery like tomato- or steak-knives, or DID grind da ol' zipper-teeth into paring- or boning-knives dat WERE NOT supposed to have them ---- either commission of serious neglect can carry some fairly-hefty incarserration, too! :P

by QuacksO January 19, 2025

altornative

Cutting wif scissors and/or carefully separating sheet-portions along perforations, so as to avoid ripping da material in ragged-edged pieces.

Making fussy little snips or careful tugs rather than simply yankin' a sheet of paper or cloth in two may indeed be a neater and more-accurate altornative, but many folks lack da patience and/or hand-movement precision for dat crap.

by QuacksO March 1, 2023

integritty

Honesty and morality dat's so thorough and complete dat it truly "goes down to da very bottom" of conscientiousness.

John is so honorable dat he will literally sift through debris on da floor to locate minute items dat he feels he should address/process in some way --- talk about total integritty!

by QuacksO September 12, 2022