dookeyboy's definitions

don't touch my junk

Phrase every American traveling through an airport should utter before being screened by security so the TSA will start harassing people who actually look like real terrorists.

Screener: "I'm going to pat you once on the inner thigh, twice on the ass, three times on your belly button, and then finally stick four fingers and some jelly in yer bunghole, alright honey? If you're uncomfortable with that we can head over to the janitor room right there and do a quick private thingy, k puddin'?"

Passenger: "Do whatchu gotta do, but don't touch my junk or I'll have you arrested."

by dookeyboy November 21, 2010

Beg pardon?

A question asked with attitude and a squinty-eyed look to someone who has just offended you even though you understood perfectly well what was said. The threat of an ass-whoopin' against the offender usually follows.

Dude: "Dude, rap music sux!"

Homeboy: "Beg pardon?!"

Dude: "You heard me."

Homeboy: "Hold my keys, y'all, I'm 'bout to whoop this bitch's ass!"

by dookeyboy November 22, 2010

freeze tag

a redneck batchelor/batchelorette party with no cover charge

Man, let's go out to Widow's Peak tonight. They's havin' a freeze tag party for Billy Ray and Dixie - all you can eat and drink, too!

by dookeyboy November 16, 2010

poelice

The police, as pronounced by many Southerners, including the officers themselves in many instances.

Pronounced "POE lees."

Drug Dealer: "Officer, man... why you tase me, yo?!"

Officer: "I pulled out muh bullhorn and told you to stop back there 20 miles ago. What you 'spect when you runnin' from da poelice anyway?"

by dookeyboy January 7, 2011

porn machine

the latest invasive full-body scan X-ray technology utilized by the TSA at American airports

My buddy who's a TSA agent at LAX downloaded a ton of great pics from a couple of their porn machines!

by dookeyboy November 25, 2010

thundersnow

A freak type of snow storm that is accompanied by startlingly loud-ass thunder and lightning even though no rain is present.

Although not common, the phenomenon typically happens in the winter months around the Great Lakes areas of the U.S. and Canada.

The Weather Channel reporter almost shit himself when he was reporting in Chicago during a super thundersnow storm!

by dookeyboy February 22, 2011

food stamps

A plastic credit card issued by most states to enable ostensibly poor people to buy cigarettes, beer, tabloids, potato chips, and lottery tickets. Often sold and traded on the black market for drugs, drug paraphernalia, and sex.

My mother hit the daily number for $500 with a lottery ticket she bought using food stamps.

by dookeyboy November 23, 2010