Klopek007's definitions

Achy Breaky Hannah

Achy Breaky Hannah is a name for the process which that hot little piece of jailbait Miley Cyrus and/or her pointless alter-ego will soon undergo. Following in the footsteps of Britney Spears, her weight will balloon up, she'll get knocked up by a trailer-trash wigger and drink heavily during the pregnancy, make numerous public appearances going commando in a short dress, enter/quit rehab at least five times, and finally be found in bed one morning with an empty bottle of pills and an empty bottle of rum.

Once Miley completes the long process of Achy Breaky Hannah, she'll just be yet another one of the garden-variety pop-stars who all sound exactly alike and yet somehow draw tons of pre-teen fans. At least it's still a bigger accomplishment than her one-hit-wonder father.

by klopek007 January 26, 2010

plumper

Plumper is a term used by women who want to feel good about their unhealthy obesity because they're too lazy to diet and exercise. Unfortunately for them, they won't have very long to enjoy feeling good about being fat, as they will likely be dead from a massive coronary before the age of 50.

It's no surprise that the term plumper was invented in the United States. Because, sadly, we have BY FAR the highest obesity rate on the planet. And instead of solving the problem, we invent terms like this so that people feel good about themselves, even when they get winded by waddling to the freezer for their daily quart of ice cream.

On the upside, those of us in decent shape are becoming more of a rarity, and are therefore more desirable and sought after than the fat masses.

by klopek007 May 20, 2008

Coakleyed

When a candidate for public office calls herself a huge fan of the much-beloved local sports team, and then gives a radio interview where she states that a celebrated hero alumnus of the aforementioned team is a fan of the bitterly-hated rivalry team, thus costing herself countless votes from people who don't feel she's a true Masshole.

She really Coakleyed that election beyond any possible recovery when she called Curt Schilling a Yankees fan. She may be from Pittsfield, which is at the opposite end of the state from Boston, but that's no excuse . . . d'oh!

by klopek007 January 31, 2010

Skywalker Speeder Bike Maneuver

The Scenario: You're driving along on a relatively deserted two-lane highway, at night, in the right-hand lane. You encounter another vehicle, either behind you or in front of you, in either lane. Eventually, the other vehicle ends up in the left lane, about half a car-length behind you. If the driver had half a brain and basic knowledge of highway driving, they would either pass you, or merge behind you. Instead, it's some brain-dead moron who matches your speed exactly and stays in the same place, thus blinding you with headlights into your side-view mirror. It's especially annoying with a truck or SUV.

The Maneuver: Check your rear-view to make sure there's nobody behind you in your lane. Apply the brakes firmly; not enough to leave rubber behind, but enough for significant deceleration. If you have a manual transmission, or the fairly new "semi-automatic" or "manumatic" transmission, then you should also downshift in order to heighten the effect. The dumbass in the other lane will then fly by you. The advantages are twofold: the other driver will likely be confused about your sudden braking and worry that you saw something that they missed, and also you're now in a perfect position to aim your lights into their side-view mirror, thereby turning the tables.

The Skywalker Speeder Bike Maneuver is named in honor of Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker. In Star Wars episode VI: Return of the Jedi, he went from having two Imperial Scout Troopers on his 6 o'clock to having them at his 12 o'clock, where he quickly dispatched them.

by klopek007 April 6, 2010

sex change

While it may one day be possible in the future, sex change is but a myth in this day and age. Even though it is legally recognized, so-called "sex change surgery" is in reality nothing more than genital mutilation and body modification followed by hormone treatments.

It goes by many fanciful, inventive, politically correct names: sex reassignment surgery, sex reassignment therapy, gender reassignment, genital reconstruction surgery, or sex affirmation surgery.

But the pure and simple fact is that people conceived with XX chromosomes are female, and people conceived with XY chromosomes are male. There is currently no known medical procedure to change this in any way. Changing sex will be possible when and if such technology is developed, but until such time it remains a myth.

Normal Man: Sorry, but you were born a man, and I'm strictly heterosexual, therefore I want nothing to do with you.

Disfigured Man: But I had sex change surgery! I'm legally a woman now!

Normal Man: No, you're just a feminine-looking man with XY chromosomes and mutilated genitals. Not interested.

by klopek007 March 24, 2010