wouldaben's definitions

diet-philia

a pathological disorder in which one is sexually aroused by the idea of a woman trying to reduce her weight, size, or adiposity for purely aesthetic reasons. No sexual arousal occurs if an obese woman attempts to reduce, but if a woman who is already slender expresses a desire to reduce simply to increase her sexual appeal, arousal is triggered. In addition, the motivation for her weight loss must be her enthusiasm at the prospect of becoming even more sexy, not dread or self-hatred.

I only exhibit diet-philia in the abstract; when I deal with actual women in real life, I want them to be healthy, happy, comfortable, and in constant sexual ecstasy. But I still find slim women the most attractive. I just don't want them to have to suffer to be slim.

by wouldaben December 13, 2010

Unemployment Cooties

fear of interacting with an unemployed person for fear that whatever caused him or her to be unemployed will transfer to you. Originally used by John Stewart on the Daily Show.

After I lost my job, all of my "friends" suddenly became too busy to spend time with me. I guess I have unemployment cooties.

by wouldaben January 4, 2011

vulvoracious

a combination of the words "vulva" and "voracious" suggesting one who is hungry for vulva. Describes one who greatly desires to perform cunnilingus or other oral stimulation of the vulva.

I was vulvoracious after watching that hot model wearing lingerie; I wanted to pull down her panties, surround her vulva in my mouth, and lick her to orgasm right then and there.

by wouldaben January 6, 2011

model thin

As thin as a model, particularly a runway/catwalk model. Very thin with essentially no visible fat. Abdomen is either flat or, preferably, concave. Hip bones and the lower edges of the rib cage rise as peaks above the valley of the abdomen created between them. Real breasts are not present as real breasts are filled with fat that was long ago stripped away by diet and exercise. Artificial breasts are sometimes present as they are composed of materials that cannot be digested to support basal metabolism. Cheeks are hollow and cheek-bones are prominent. Thighs are not much, if any, thicker than the calves. When the model stands, she creates the approximation of a one-dimensional line protruding perpendicular to the plane of the floor on which she stands.

I understand that in order to be as thin as they are, models must endure constant hunger, hunger headaches, coldness, frequent colds/flu, and often abuse drugs such as cocaine and cigarettes. Even when they have no body fat, they use laxatives and enemas to minimize their waists through fecal removal. None the less, I am ashamed to admit that I am enthralled with the sylphic beauty of women who are model thin. I have tried for two decades to ignore or change this attraction, but I cannot shake it.

by wouldaben December 13, 2010

diet sex

Sex with a woman who is trying to reduce her weight, size, or fatness and which is performed for the purpose of replacing her hunger with sexual ecstasy, or to create an inextricable psychological association between the two.

When she felt like she could no longer restrain herself from eating, she would have diet sex with her boyfriend until she orgasmed and her hunger subsided. She would only let her boyfriend have sex with her when she had exceeded her weight-loss goals. She had developed such a strong psychological association between dieting and sex that she would have an orgasm when she was hungry, or when her weight or measurements decreased.

by wouldaben December 19, 2010

Tampon Telegraph

a covert communication device inserted in the vagina of a secret-agent or sexy spy. The earliest models could only send an out-going message encoded by the secret-agent squeezing her vagina in Morse-code, which was then converted the kegel contractions into radio signals. The advantage of the device was that it was unlikely to be found after a thorough frisking or even a strip-search. In the event it was found, the secret-agent could merely explain that she was having her period (as the device looked like an ordinary tampon with the string serving as the antenna). An improved version of the device was later devised that could receive and convey incoming messages as well as communicating outgoing messages. The incoming message, also in Morse-code, was translated into vibrations that corresponded to the dots and dashes. While effective as a communication device, this newer version suffered from the draw-back that it tended to cause intense orgasms in the secret-agents and, as the tampon could not absorb all the natural orgasmic lubricant due to its being filled with electronic gadgetry, the orgasmic fluid would often carry the tampon-transponder out into the panties of the secret agent, and she would have to improvise a hasty trip to the lady's room to reinsert the device before she could resume communication.

The tampon telegraph was first used by super-models because spy agencies believed that the thinnest women had the tightest vaginas and would therefore be best able to squeeze the transponders with their vaginas to generate out-going messages. Unfortunately, the super-model secret-agents had sex so frequently, necessitating the removal of the tampon telegraph, that they were often out of communication, and less attractive secret agents had to be recruited.

by wouldaben December 16, 2010

dieting panties

Panties which are smaller than the intended wearer's current size and intended to serve as motivation for her diet (course of action to reduce body weight, size, or fat) or to serve as a marker of when her diet has achieved its intended goal.

The aspiring ballerina purchased a pair of size double-zero lace panties with a 20-inch waist and said to herself, "I will not eat solid food until I fit into these dieting panties. And even then, I will diet to remain slim enough to fit in them." She eagerly anticipated the feeling of the delicate lace against her glabrous vulva, and her hunger temporarily subsided.

by wouldaben December 13, 2010