earpuller's definitions

professional virgin

noun: a woman who flaunts her "pureness" in public while sucking cock in private. Her image would be sullied if it were revealed that she was just like everyone else in her peer group (sexually active). Could also apply to a man, I guess, but how many guys brag about being a virgin?

the following are examples of celebrity women who could be accused of being professional virgins-

circa 1982-"Hi, I'm Brooke Shields, and I never, ever have sex with anyone! I'm saving myself for marriage!!" (doggy style? ok, Andre!!)
circa 1998-"Hi, I'm Britney Spears, and I'm as pure as the driven snow!! I don't let a boy go all the way with me ever! I'm waiting until I'm married!!" (ok, Justin, but let me mouthwash first. I can still taste your cock.)

by earpuller September 17, 2005

y.a.n.g.b.

an acronym for a terrible thing for a woman to say to a smitten man-"you're a nice guy, but..." it usually means that the woman in question wouldn't be caught dead with the poor dope, but she doesn't want to make him mad or sad, for whatever reason. this phrase is right up there with the more well-known saying "can't we just be friends?", which of course means "i don't want to know you exist, but i don't want you to think i'm a bitch just because i wouldn't date you if you were the last man on earth." ladies, girls, women of the world, can't you turn us down politely and let us know you're just not interested in a romantic relationship with us?

larry-"hey, uh, carrie, i was wondering if you'd like to go out with me sometime, like out to dinner or to a movie or somethin'"
carrie-"gee, larry, you're a nice guy, but i don't think i can go out with you because (insert lame reason here.)"

LATER THAT DAY-
carrie, to her friends-"holy crap, can you believe that big fat ugly stupid dork had the nerve to ask me out? what does he think, i'm a blind desperate retard?"
MEANWHILE, ACORSS TOWN-
barry-"hey, man, so did you ask her out?"
larry-"yeah, but she gave me the old y.a.n.g.b. goddamned stupid stuck-up little bitch."
barry-"sucks to be you, moron!!"
larry-"gee, thanks, asshole. with friends like you, who needs enemies?"

by earpuller November 21, 2007

jose queerbo

the favorite beer among Mexican homosexuals.

Hey mang, bring me a jose queerbo and give me a big wet kiss!
don't bring me a dos ickies, i can'TECATEnymore!

by earpuller October 10, 2005

ballistico

interjection: used to indicate that a situation may cause someone to go ballistic, postal, or otherwise angry beyond all reason. Usually used in a light-hearted manner; saying it when someone is actually about to go ballistic could be the last straw for that person. The term can also be used by magicians, particularly those who specialize in pyrotechnics.

mart: mr. scheckter was so pissed off at you that he was turning red and shaking like a bowl of jello.
bart: yeah, good thing the bell rang, or he would have gone ballistico on me.

The Amazing Kargol:.......and now we add the final ingredient and *blast* "BALLISTICO"
Janet: why, that's amazing, Kargol!!

by earpuller December 28, 2005

traffic clot

The tendency of slow-moving cars to converge and prevent faster cars from getting past. Much like a blood clot, the traffic clotcan cause serious trouble unless it is treated quickly. Even on a three- or four-lane freeway, a traffic clot can occur at any time, slowing down other motorists and leading to things like road rage.

ernie: sorry i'm late, buddy, but i was making great time on the tollway until i got caught behind a traffic clot.
bernie: oh man, those suck! how many old hyundais were there?
ernie: three, plus an old couple in an avalon, a civic with go-fast decals and a fart can exhaust, and five minivans.
bernie: they need a separate lane for traffic clots.
ernie: yeah, they could call it the "by-pass!!"

by earpuller June 13, 2006

cruise control creeping

the act of allowing an automobile to approach the car ahead because the driver has set his cruise control but is not paying attention to traffic conditions. the noun form of the phrase is "cruise control creeper."

while driving down a two-lane country road, i noticed in my rear view mirror a large foreign sedan approaching my car from behind. his speed was almost the same as mine, just a little quicker, so his approach was pretty slow. still, he kept on getting closer, until i could no longer see his front bumper. suddenly, just as i thought he was going to ram me, he swerved left and passed me at a rapid pace, glaring at me as he passed. he left me behind at the same slow rate as he approached me. i figured he was cruise control creeping, because he was gabbing on a cell phone. to avoid becoming a cruise control creeper myself, i reset my own cruise control and let the other car go about his merry way. after i flipped him off.

by earpuller November 6, 2007

lane blocking

the practice of preventing another driver from changing lanes. specifically, when a driver wants to change lanes while through-travelling, but finds himself stuck behind slower traffic, he may wish to pass the other vehicle. a lane blocker, however, will find a way to keep the passing driver stuck in postition, making it impossible for the passing driver to get around safely. usually this is a passive action, as opposed to on-ramp blocking or offramp blocking; often the offending driver is unaware of the faster car wanting to go past (often because the offender is talking on a cell phone.)

eric: come on man, just pass this truck! we're going to be late for the concert!
derrick: i can't pass him! the damned avalon in front of us is lane blocking me!
eric: flash your high-beams to get his attention!
derrick: i tried, but he's talking on his cell phone! must be more important than driving safely.
eric: what a dumbass bastard}!

by earpuller July 2, 2006