earpuller's definitions

poster's remorse

the feeling one may have just as he or she hits the "post" button at UD talk or on the UD wall. just like closing the barn door after the horse has fled!

gee, you'd think all these defs i've published, all the talk posts, and all the stuff i've written on the UD wall should have given me a severe case of poster's remorse........nah, screw 'em all!!!

by earpuller July 21, 2006

dilligas

an amusing acronym disguised as a silly word. Dilligas stands for "do I look like I give a shit?" You can say it to your parents, your kid sister, your maiden aunt, really anyone who is annoying you, but whom you do not want to anger.

eddie: So anyway, as I was saying, to make a long story short, in other words, as God as my witness, between you, me, and the fencepost..................
freddie: hey man, dilligas?
eddie: what's that supposed to mean?
freddie: do i look like I give a shit?
eddie walks away angrily, muttering to himself.
freddie smiles, thanking his good fortune at discovering UD.

by earpuller April 15, 2006

college degrees

There are three major college degrees one can achieve: B.S., M.S., and PhD. These initials stand for the following-

B.S.-bullshit
M.S.-more shit
PhD.-piled higher and deeper

class dismissed.

mick: hey, the new engineer's specs are all out of whack!! we'll never get this thing built with these numbers!!
rick: well, buddy, you've just discovered the secret to a college degree. it consists of B.S., M.S., and PhD.
dick: yeah, we all know that, butthead!
rick: are you sure? for these college degrees, the initials stand for bullshit, more shit, and piled higher and deeper!!!
everybody laughs; the engineer in question walks through and they laugh even harder

by earpuller June 22, 2006

ballistico

interjection: used to indicate that a situation may cause someone to go ballistic, postal, or otherwise angry beyond all reason. Usually used in a light-hearted manner; saying it when someone is actually about to go ballistic could be the last straw for that person. The term can also be used by magicians, particularly those who specialize in pyrotechnics.

mart: mr. scheckter was so pissed off at you that he was turning red and shaking like a bowl of jello.
bart: yeah, good thing the bell rang, or he would have gone ballistico on me.

The Amazing Kargol:.......and now we add the final ingredient and *blast* "BALLISTICO"
Janet: why, that's amazing, Kargol!!

by earpuller December 28, 2005

lane blocking

the practice of preventing another driver from changing lanes. specifically, when a driver wants to change lanes while through-travelling, but finds himself stuck behind slower traffic, he may wish to pass the other vehicle. a lane blocker, however, will find a way to keep the passing driver stuck in postition, making it impossible for the passing driver to get around safely. usually this is a passive action, as opposed to on-ramp blocking or offramp blocking; often the offending driver is unaware of the faster car wanting to go past (often because the offender is talking on a cell phone.)

eric: come on man, just pass this truck! we're going to be late for the concert!
derrick: i can't pass him! the damned avalon in front of us is lane blocking me!
eric: flash your high-beams to get his attention!
derrick: i tried, but he's talking on his cell phone! must be more important than driving safely.
eric: what a dumbass bastard}!

by earpuller July 2, 2006

cruise control creeping

the act of allowing an automobile to approach the car ahead because the driver has set his cruise control but is not paying attention to traffic conditions. the noun form of the phrase is "cruise control creeper."

while driving down a two-lane country road, i noticed in my rear view mirror a large foreign sedan approaching my car from behind. his speed was almost the same as mine, just a little quicker, so his approach was pretty slow. still, he kept on getting closer, until i could no longer see his front bumper. suddenly, just as i thought he was going to ram me, he swerved left and passed me at a rapid pace, glaring at me as he passed. he left me behind at the same slow rate as he approached me. i figured he was cruise control creeping, because he was gabbing on a cell phone. to avoid becoming a cruise control creeper myself, i reset my own cruise control and let the other car go about his merry way. after i flipped him off.

by earpuller November 6, 2007

traffic clot

The tendency of slow-moving cars to converge and prevent faster cars from getting past. Much like a blood clot, the traffic clotcan cause serious trouble unless it is treated quickly. Even on a three- or four-lane freeway, a traffic clot can occur at any time, slowing down other motorists and leading to things like road rage.

ernie: sorry i'm late, buddy, but i was making great time on the tollway until i got caught behind a traffic clot.
bernie: oh man, those suck! how many old hyundais were there?
ernie: three, plus an old couple in an avalon, a civic with go-fast decals and a fart can exhaust, and five minivans.
bernie: they need a separate lane for traffic clots.
ernie: yeah, they could call it the "by-pass!!"

by earpuller June 13, 2006