chesterpest's definitions
'I'll be there in two shakes of a chimps cock Vera', shouted Mavis before grabbing her coat, rushing to the front door and setting off for a good night at the bingo.
by chesterpest January 22, 2010
Get the two shakes of a chimps cock mug.When you are allowed out with the lads for a 'heavy lashing' due to exceptional circumstances which can't be refused (eg Wetting the babies head, Stag Do etc). Also commonly referred to as a '24 hour pass'.
'But love, its Barry's stag do, I can't not go - you've got to give me special dispensation!!', 'hmmmmm, this is the seventh stag do that Barry's had in 3 months' murmured Tracy suspiciously.
by chesterpest January 22, 2010
Get the special dispensation mug.Simon had clearly been constipated for some time, this much was evident upon examination of his recently laid 'chipolinks'.
by chesterpest January 17, 2010
Get the chipolinks mug.'Right then Barry' declared sharon 'first things first, I want to see you talking to the captain before you stick that cock up me - its not all about you!!'
by chesterpest January 22, 2010
Get the talking to the captain mug.A typical welshman/woman who bang on about their nationality and how 'welsh and proud' they are, naively oblivious of the biggest irony of all: that they nearly always come last at everything. On the rare occasion that they win something like a rugby match they get several years mileage out of it and often canonise the try scorer giving them fucking ridiculous names like 'Merve the swerve'. Another sad irony is that the most vociforous of these creatures can't even speak fucking welsh.
Have you heard that Dave now spells his name 'Dafydd' and has just posted a picture of a dragon on his facebook. Apparently his Nans, Uncles Father in Law was welsh - what a fucking daffodick!!!!
by chesterpest January 22, 2010
Get the Daffodick mug.Contravertial alcoholic, dickie-bow wearing, TV Chef/funnyman who used his outdoor cookery programme as a weak pretext to travel the world, patronise and insult the local tribesmen, take advantage of local hospitality and get totally shitted on the local 'tipple' whilst simultaneously attempting to cook (and often fail spectacularly) their regional speciality dish. Sadly now deceased after years of alcohol abuse ravaged his slowly pickled body into submission.
Can we watch 'Keith Floyd around the Med' at 9pm tonight, apparently he's in Tunisia this time and apart from cooking lamb tagine with apricots he's going to be getting ripped to the tits on their local brew and taking the piss out of some local goatherders?
by chesterpest January 17, 2010
Get the Keith Floyd mug.A smutty round robin email (usually slideshows of womens genitalia made to look like kebabs or turkeys), which successfully evade the attentions of the office IT police.
Geoffs latest scudmail was a powerpoint slideshow of really drunk tramps who had apparently shit themselves - it went down a storm in with the accounts boys.
by chesterpest January 22, 2010
Get the scudmail mug.