Skip to main content

chesterpest's definitions

Valentine's Day Massacre

The scam whereby Restaurants/Florists/Chocolatiers cash in on Valentine's Day by trebling the price of their products safe in the knowledge that the male suitor is effectively held to ransom with no other options open to them.
"You may as well wear a feckin mask, this is just a bloody Valentine's Day Massacre" screamed Tom to the restaurant manager whilst his paramour paid a trip to the toilet.
by chesterpest January 22, 2010
mugGet the Valentine's Day Massacre mug.

Frodo's Ring

A friend who has a tendancy to 'do a disappearing act' at inopportune moments.
"Oh surprise, surprise, Terry has fucking donned 'Frodo's Ring' again just when it's his turn to get the next round in."

"Then, just as about 20 of them came around the corner with baseball bats Terry whipped out Frodo's Ring again - the fucking cunt".
by chesterpest January 17, 2010
mugGet the Frodo's Ring mug.

special dispensation

When you are allowed out with the lads for a 'heavy lashing' due to exceptional circumstances which can't be refused (eg Wetting the babies head, Stag Do etc). Also commonly referred to as a '24 hour pass'.
'But love, its Barry's stag do, I can't not go - you've got to give me special dispensation!!', 'hmmmmm, this is the seventh stag do that Barry's had in 3 months' murmured Tracy suspiciously.
by chesterpest January 22, 2010
mugGet the special dispensation mug.

liquid kosh

Alternative name for Stella Artois premium strength lager. Also known as wife beater. Refers to the after effects suffered from a night on the lash.
The morning after his 'liquid kosh' fueled binge Dave lost all feeling in his legs and went blind in one eye - 'Result' he declared.
by chesterpest January 17, 2010
mugGet the liquid kosh mug.

Jazz crooner

An elderly readers wife who makes regular appearances in the pages of a top shelf Jazz Mag.
'Has anyone seen my April edition of 'MILF times', there's a Jazz crooner on page 42 that looks just like Mavis from accounts?'
by chesterpest January 17, 2010
mugGet the Jazz crooner mug.

two shakes of a chimps cock

To be there in a minute. The full version of 'there in two shakes'.
'I'll be there in two shakes of a chimps cock Vera', shouted Mavis before grabbing her coat, rushing to the front door and setting off for a good night at the bingo.
by chesterpest January 22, 2010
mugGet the two shakes of a chimps cock mug.

scudmail

A smutty round robin email (usually slideshows of womens genitalia made to look like kebabs or turkeys), which successfully evade the attentions of the office IT police.
Geoffs latest scudmail was a powerpoint slideshow of really drunk tramps who had apparently shit themselves - it went down a storm in with the accounts boys.
by chesterpest January 22, 2010
mugGet the scudmail mug.

Share this definition

Sign in to vote

We'll email you a link to sign in instantly.

Or

Check your email

We sent a link to

Open your email