Usebleach's definitions

C.H.B

C.H.B. stands for COUNCIL HOUSE BARRISTER, and is someone who is believed to have lived in a council house(NOT), who failed their exams, and made friends with crackheads, before they slept their way into Oxford/Cambridge, and then to the BAR.

Oxford Neighbour1 talking to neighbour2: "Here comes that C.H.B with that decent man."
Neighbour 2: "Well at least there's no camels."

by Usebleach March 12, 2020

SAME SEX MARRIAGE

A "same sex marriage" is someone who has crows feet and looks like a woman, but doesn't have a menstrual cycle, so is a man.

Doctor: "Did you see any blood coming from between its legs?"
Patients husband: "No. Is my wife a same sex marriage then, Doc?"
Doctor: "Yeah, it looks like yr wifes a man!!! Get off the 321 bus"
Patients husband: "But all she's got is a CO2 emitting car for me to drive"
Doctor: "I'm afraid its no longer within our remit."
Patients Husband: "But what about the environment?"

by Usebleach August 3, 2020

Go back to Oxford

You say GO BACK TO OXFORD to someone who has a yuppy pad in Central London that they stay in off and on, which is now in Tier 2 or 3 covid-19 zone.

Jo Bloggs friend in London via phone: "Are you coming down to visit me in my pad this weekend Jo?"
Jo Bloggs in Cambridge: "How common!!! Just go back to Oxford."

by Usebleach October 22, 2020

Butters

Butters

You call someone butters, if you are not attracted to them. They look like butter between your fingers feels. All gooey sticky Urrrh...

Jo Blogs to friend: "what about that girl over there?"
JO BLOGGS: "Nar, she's butters."

by Usebleach October 11, 2020

Kicked in Old slag

Kicked in Old slag is someone who ends up down the Womens Centre because the Pigs couldnt be bothered to arrest her Pakistani husband down the mosque before he did her in.

Police on the radio: "Yeah, I'm going to check on the kicked in Old slag at the Womens Centre now."

by Usebleach December 8, 2020

OffKey

Offkey

Offkey describes someone who, out of nowhere, brings up the fact that they're on their menopause.

Example:

John the man: "Oh hi Sue. How was yr weekend?"
Sue responds with something Offkey like: "I spent it on my menopause. Happy now?" and then walks off in a neurotic mess, looking for her car keys, cos shes got Brainfog.

by Usebleach May 28, 2022

Off Key

Off Key

Off key describes someone who suddenly proclaims that they're going through her menopause.

Jo Bloggs: "Oh hi Sue. How was yr weekend?"
Sue: "I spent it on my menopause. Happy now?"
Jo Bloggs under his breath: " Sue is acting really off key this morning. I better keep out of her way."

by Usebleach May 28, 2022