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murphy's law

That every thing Murphy says is true and should be followed. Except for the things that aren't funny, which are.... alot.
"Murphy I am I fat?" to which murphy replies. "No you are not, don't be stupid"
by Murphy September 10, 2003
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Murphy's Law of Post-repair Reassembly

"A device that you're repairing will operate **absolutely perfectly** while you have it taken apart to work on it, but then when you get it all put back together and have all the cabinet-screws re-inserted, THAT'S when the device will decide not to work again."
To lessen the chance of getting "bitten" by Murphy's Law of Post-repair Reassembly, one should double-check everything on a refurbished device before putting it back together again.
by QuacksO March 7, 2019
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Murphy's Law of shaving

You can wait 'n' wait till clear into mid-May to trim off your itchy bushy Santa-Claus winter beard and you'll have nuthin' but sweltering-skinned moderate-temperature days all along, but if you "break out da Norelco" at any point during dat period, da weather will immediately turn frigid and blustery again, and then you'll have chilly-cheeks syndrome for an entire month!
One good way to minimize da "Murphy's Law of shaving" debacle is to simply wait till da end of March to "mow da lawn" --- dat way, you'll not be so likely to needlessly suffer from extra-warm weather-temps' making your chin and jowls feel like they're inside a blast-furnace, but on da other hand, it will minimize da chances of "freezin' yer face off", too, since there are seldom any significant cold snaps later than three months into da new year.
by QuacksO March 15, 2025
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Murphy's Law of Getting Comfortable

"You can struggle for hours to get bearably comfortable --- i.e., warm enough, free of aches, etc. --- but then just as soon as you actually DO succeed in getting comfortably 'settled in' at long last, something unavoidable will come up dat will force you to relinquish said comfy position to go and tackle some disagreeable physical activity which will cause you to get chilly again, experience more bodily pain, etc."
Two "sister" examples of Murphy's Law of Getting Comfortable would be "Murphy's Law of Falling Asleep" (i.e., you can struggle for half the night or more to fall asleep, but then immediately after you finally drift off, someone or something comes along to wake you up again) and "Murphy's Law of Personal Comfort" (i.e., however comfortable you become will be in direct inverse proportion to da comfort of others in your vicinity; for example, da nearer you sit to a heater/air-conditioning duct, da more you will block da flow of said "moderated" air, and so while YOU YOURSELF may indeed feel more-tolerably warmer/cooler, EVERYONE ELSE in da room will feel even more uncomfortable than you would have if you'd sat a more-reasonable distance from said climate-control orifice. Or if you recline your seat on a public-transportation vehicle, said tilted-backwards back-rest will encroach on da extremely-limited "personal space" in front of da passenger seated behind you).
by QuacksO February 1, 2023
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Murphy's Law of Internet-Speed

"The 'speed' of the Internet --- i.e., how long web-pages take to 'load' and/or respond to you mouse-clicks --- will be in direct inverse proportion to how urgently you need to view the desired material; the connection will be even slower at times there's someone else waiting for you who's also in a hurry.
My buddy needed me to hastily Google engine-bolt-torquing specs during an emergency-repair task he was struggling to get done before a downpour, but the Web was "slower dan molasses runnin' uphill in da wintertime" --- it was a classic "Murphy's Law of Internet-Speed" scenario!
by QuacksO July 28, 2018
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Murphy's Law of Exceptions

"You can follow an 'unpopular' method or procedure 'till da cows come home' and nothing unusual will ever happen to 'justify' or 'vindicate' your unorthodox actions (and you'll likely get continually criticized by others for your chosen behavior), but then the ONE TIME when you eventually 'cave' and actually DO happen to follow the 'standard' or 'acceptable' protocol, THAT'S the solitary 'rogue occasion' when disaster will happen to strike --- something really bad will happen that would not have occurred if you had simply continued to follow your own 'pet' procedure that had seemed better/safer to begin with!"
My "super-long-term-driving-experienced" aunt had gotten fed up with my "back-seat driver" attempts to be helpful by telling her about vehicles that I'd see moving around fairly near our position when we'd be travelling someplace in her car, and so she had eventually asked me to just keep quiet and let here handle the driving herself. Well, of course, within a day or two, Murphy's Law of Exceptions decided to turn and bite me in da butt --- due to a view-obstructing sidewalk-mounted ad-sign, my aunt didn't notice an approaching car, but I did... naturally, that was the ONE TIME that I **didn't** tell her about it because she'd specifically asked me to keep my trap shut on instances like that, and so I'd ASSUMED (there's that word again!) that she'd observed the vehicle bearing down on the intersection. Well, as you might expect, we crashed, and there were multiple injuries in the other car! Can't win...!
by QuacksO March 9, 2019
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