jfburke619's definitions

e-taint

The place some piece of electronic communications resides between sending and receiving. Usually only noteworthy when the delay is pronounced.

Wilma: Why did not not answer my text? Dino was choking!
Fred: I never got a text from you.
Wilma: Bullshit, show me your phone!
Fred takes out phone and shows recent texts with none from from Wilma...
Wilma: My text must be stuck in the e-taint.

by jfburke619 September 12, 2018

fofa

FOFA is short for 'festival of fucking around'. Is used when there is excessive stupidity around relatively simple tasks resulting more responsible parties having to wait for the idiots in the room to settle down.

Bob - I thought that you and the missus were going grocery shopping?
Jim - We were but first she could not find her keys, then she spilled coffee on her blouse and then the dog ran away...
Bob - Sounds like a non-stop festival of fucking around.
Jim - Pure FOFA, 24/7.

by jfburke619 May 29, 2016

Stemmie

Someone whose intellectual capacity is limited to brain stem functions. Usually results in very short-sighted and selfish decisions.

"I feel bad for Bob, his life is one problem after another"

"Face it, he is a stemmie. He could not make a good decision to save his life."

by jfburke619 October 10, 2012

point slut

Someone who makes uneconomic or impractical decisions to maximize the number of points that realize from an airline or hotel chain.

Bob: While do you fly to Boston on AArdvark airlines with three connections?
Bill: I have mega-platinum status with AArdvark, plus I want the extra miles.
Bob: You are a point slut.

by jfburke619 November 4, 2022

autoesthetic exercise

This is when you cut your own hair for whatever reason. Cutting your own hair is more common now that we are all social distancing. The resulting product often leaves something to be desired when compared to a professional haircut.

Bob: Did you see Fred's haircut? It looks like someone missed a spot in the back.
Jeff: Obvious autoesthetic exercise on his part.
Bob: It looks like he got that haircut in prison.

Bill: I really miss my barber and professional haircuts.
Jane: Why so?
Bill: When I do an autoesthetic exercise, the top and sides are easy but the back of my head and neck are iffy.

Jane: You are right... your neck looks like you have a built in scarf.

by jfburke619 March 30, 2021

Faux Mex

Overly fancy Mexican fusion cuisine. Often found in high end neighborhoods of big cities

Him - How about Mexican tonight?
Her - We could eat at La Perla...
Him - Fuck that, no self respecting caballero would eat a lobster and prime rib burrito - that shit is faux mex.
Her - Then we should head to La Cantina for a bucket of Pacifico and beef and bean burritos.
Him - Nice call.

by jfburke619 October 13, 2012

Sideways Corona Mullett

A mullett is business in the front and party (or something else) in the back. Sideways Corona Mullett (or SCM) is when you work from home with business attire on the top and something not so business like on the bottom. It works for video conference calls as long as you do not get up.

Her: Aren't you working from home today? Why are you wearing pajama pants with a shirt and tie?
Him: Sideways Corona Mullett... no one is gonna see the pants.

Him: Why are you wearing sweats with your best blouse?
Her: SCM baby.
Him: We are cutting the laundry bill in half!

by jfburke619 March 30, 2020