goose_on_a_roof's definitions

Todd

A fearless mate, he would be, an’ the finest buccaneer I ever lay me eyes on. He can swing from the riggin’, cutlass in hand, with war cry to chill ye to the bone. No mortal man could fill his boots as his seabag have the orbs of a binnacle. Drink a man ‘til he be red in the eye, ‘e could, an’ crack another bottle o’ grog fer good measure. A fine figure he cut, like the jib of a clipper. …an’ the lassies, oh the lassies…linin’ up to be his conquest, like flies bearin’ gifts to a spider, they be. With the staff of Poseidon, he slay the wenches, leavin’ ‘em breathless an’ quiverin’. Aye, matey, but Todd be the one…loyal to his captain and mates. He be the one ye turn when somethin’ needs doin’. Like a shark with a seaman’s leg, he’ll never let ‘er go.

Wench: Beggin’ ye pardon, m’ lord, but would Todd be with ye.
Captain: Aye, lassie, but he already be outfit with six young maidens.
Wench: Crap-eth!

by goose_on_a_roof August 21, 2021

Floss Archer

One that flosses in public without concern for where the projectiles land.

Waitress 1: I just cleaned that window. How did it get so splotched up?
Waitress 2: ...the floss archer over there. He got me in the eye when I refreshed his coffee.

by goose_on_a_roof August 9, 2021

Waning Mullet

a man’s hairstyle that is bald on the top but with long stringy hair hanging over the collar in the back (elderhostel up front, party in the back)

This is a modification of the 80’s mullet. It is worn by the diehard that refuses to give up the long hair that he sported back in high school.

Bob: Did you see Jim Rickards on Fox Business talking about the demise of the US Dollar?
Dave: Is that the guy with the waning mullet?
Bob: Yeah, that’s him.

by goose_on_a_roof December 31, 2020

unicorn fart in the wind

noun

1. an undeveloped idea

2. an idea that is not grounded in reality

3. an ill conceived plan that has no chance of coming to fruition

4. something that does not exist in the real, or physical, world

Geezer: …so this “crypto currency”, as you call it, which doesn’t exist in any physical form, is going to revolutionize the way the world transacts business?
Millennial: Yes…exactly.
Geezer: That’s just a unicorn fart in the wind.

by goose_on_a_roof March 27, 2022

flatusidal tendencies

a disorder whereby a person has recurring thoughts about breaking wind in crowded and, often times, confined places (This is a dangerous situation in which the person in question is on the verge of becoming a sphincter Sinatra if he/she does not receive professional help or, at the very least, a bitch slap by his/her friends.)

Paratrooper: Sarge, I know it’s not the time but I keep thinking about plantin’ some onion.
Jumpmaster: GOT DAMN IT!!! Ya better at-ease those flatusidal tendencies or I’ll toss your goat-smellin’ ass off this bird right now, green light or not.

by goose_on_a_roof October 16, 2020

pounding

To eat or drink (Often times this denotes eating/drinking fast but this is not always the case.)

Usage:
"I gotta squat for a jiffy wiz in The Gran Manzana and I've been head sparkin’ ‘bout pounding that Coney fillet in a twee fire-in-the-hole.
The dewclaws are up. Ya wanna draft my flivver?
Bang the pipes by 5:00 or hold peace.”

Translation:
"I’ve got a layover in New York City and was thinking about getting a hotdog in a quaint restaurant.
I’m enthusiastic. Do you want to come along?
Call me by 5:00 or it will be too late."

by goose_on_a_roof October 16, 2020

Power Carve

Verb
a type of manual locomotion whereby a person can propel a kick scooter (or similar device), without using their feet (or anything else) to swipe the pavement, all by manipulating his/her weight and cutting the handlebars back and forth (first demonstrated by “The T-Guy” on YouTube)

Dave crushed the longest glide competition on his Razor scooter when he ripped out a power carve at the end, pushing out an ever increasing distance until the judges, out of frustration, asked him to “stop”.

by goose_on_a_roof November 21, 2023