gnostic3's definitions

Winnipeg

place. Tiny, polite city proudly built between the granite bedrock of the shield and the cambrian silt that is Canada. Once the territory of a proud indigenous people who were badly advised and shuffled to obscurity, Winnipeg has become the twelfth tawdriest city in north america and the home of the seventh-best hockey team in Canada. Grain elevating and rock-sorting remain the leading industries altjough vestiges of fishing and a shrinking tourism industry survive. Annual floods have made home-building a prosperous undertaking and a large diorama in the newly built interpretive centre illustrates how the Red river overflows it’s banks in the same places every year and floods the ssme homes.

Want to go to Winnipeg in the spring?

If I can take my canoe!

by gnostic3 October 16, 2019

whoresplash

n. Like a slutwipe but briefer. One attempts to wash one’s smelliest areas after a long arduous day of hiking in the wilderness and setting up camp many miles from soap, water, and privacy. Usually done in a sleeping bag at minus forty degrees.

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What are you up to Tyler? The tent is in danger of collapse!

Just having a whoresplash. I like to feel fresh before bed.

by gnostic3 May 11, 2024

covid concert

n. Musical event in which a band performs from so far away that they cannot be heard adequately by a crowd so safely distanced as to loose the whole effect of a concert. Also used more broadly to describe any pointless activity.

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Going to the orgy tonight?

No. I looked at the rules and it sounds like a covid concert.

by gnostic3 May 25, 2020

mermazing

adj. Totally, absolutely wonderful! Like a sparkly mermaid riding a unicorn (sidesaddle of course).

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Where did you get the free tail?

Unicorn Sleepaway Camp. It was totally mermazing!

by gnostic3 July 19, 2019

Lethbridge

place. Inconspicuous Canadian hamlet existing solely to maintain the country’s seventh longest trestle bridge. The bridge, made of the finest maple wood needs to be scraped weekly to prevent the accumulation of syrup which would attract rats and invite a catastrophic rail derailment. Lethbridge also is home to a junior hockey team which has seen the end of its glory days and a gravel-sorting industry which is second to none. With the construction of a bridge-scraping interpretive centre in the heart of the hamlet, and a rat-killers hall of fame in the spleen of the hamlet, Lethbridge is poised to finally spring into the nineteenth century.

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What is that awful mapleish smell?

Lethbridge. The fearsome wind must be in the north-west.

by gnostic3 March 3, 2019

jewbilee

n. Any festive event celebrated by those fine folks of the Hebraic persuasion.

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Why is the street littered with dreidels?

I think yesterday was a jewbilee. Maybe Easter.

by gnostic3 June 1, 2022

torching the capitol

v. Destroying something difficult to constuct and of immense value and utility to mankind in order to save yourself from zombies or a righteous mob.

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See the news? They are torching the capitol. What a shame. So many people died building it.

Mostly slaves.

True.

by gnostic3 January 30, 2020