Shumado's definitions

Soccer Mom

Middle-class white mother that has nothing better to do with her time than organize her children's extra-curricular sporting activities. Provided for by her husband, she creates an out-of-touch middle class bubble for herself and is very grumpy when anyone disturbs it. In addition to the descriptions already listed, I will add that soccer moms are usually sporting some mid-90s Jennifer Aniston version hair with a lot of clunky preppie jewelry. They are into status symbols; big expensive car, kids performing well, newest trending phone, expensive looking jewelry. Thinks that the term "Soccer Mom" is somehow a compliment and is ditzy enough to put stickers of soccer balls on their back windows.

Look at this oblivious soccer mom holding up traffic!

by Shumado September 5, 2013

fake in-laws

Your sibling's spouce's family. ie. your brother's wife's parents. In-laws belonging to your brother or sister, but not to you.

People you have no obligation to see or spend time with, but have to put up with on a regular basis at functions or holidays. Though they really aren't your inlaws, they must be treated as such- just to keep everyone getting along.

The fake in-laws are coming to Thanksgiving, again?

I know- putting up with the brother-in-law is bad enough, without his whole family crashing in.

by Shumado July 1, 2011

regift

what you do with all gifts from grandma, or other people who are addicted to giving needless, redundant gifts: wrap it back up and give it to someone else.

Sallie: "I think I have enough potholders, pajamas, dishtowels, socks, coffee mugs, sweaters, and pocket knives to last me a lifetime"

Jason: "Just regift that junk!"

by Shumado December 24, 2010

he knows which side of his bread is buttered

He knows where the money comes from, who pays him his livelihood or gives him the most personal gain. Used to describe how money concerns often rules people's decisons despite their feelings or personal opinions. No matter what people pander, they will not bite the hand that feeds.

He may gripe about his boss and talk about starting a new career, but he knows which side of his bread is buttered.

Corporate America may not like Trump's sexist statements, but they will still vote for him because after all, they know which side of their bread is buttered.

by Shumado January 8, 2017

nepo hire

Someone hired on the basis of nepotism: when relatives or spouces of company employees are preferred for new hires. Companies assume that the relative of a stable, responsible employee will have a similar work ethic, so rather than take a risk on time-consuming resume reading and interviewing with outside hires, they will simply nepo hire. An HR cop-out.

Did you meet the new guy? He's John's step-brother.

Yeah, I heard they didn't even call his references or require a drug-screen test. He's a total nepo hire.

by Shumado April 24, 2011

adam's ale

Water. A tongue-in-cheek joke derived from the creation story in the Bible. Adam was the first man in the Garden of Eden; he lived a pure lifestyle in communion with God. Before the fall, he was unclothed an eating just fruits and vegetables in the garden, therefore the only thing to drink was water.

Bartender: "So you're on the wagon? Well we've got some fine Adam's Ale on tap for you."

by Shumado January 8, 2017

provincial

describing people who only care about eating, sleeping, making money, and owning crap. Very unimaginative, uncultured people with no concept of the arts, history, language, faith, travel, or why any those things should be valued. Has not visited a library or museum since the 7th grade. Doesn't know the name of a bluebird (really). Like Mr. Banks in Mary Poppins, they "can't see past the end of their nose".

Bell in Beauty and the Beast: "I want much more than this provincial life!"

by Shumado April 14, 2015