Redwhitencrue25's definitions
1) Great martial artist. He'd kick any of your asses.
2) Horrible actor, don't kid yourself. Even HE knows he's not a good actor.
3) Star of many great movies (eg. Missing In Action) and TV shows (eg. Walker Texas Ranger).
4) Center of the internet craze of "Chuck Norris Facts", where people made up one liners about how amazing Chuck Norris is. They were hilarious when they came out in early-mid 2005, but now everyone and their dead grandma has heard these jokes, and they're getting old.
Chuck Norris himself has offered commentary on these jokes:
"I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as 'Chuck Norris facts.' I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, 'Against All Odds?' They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, 'The Justice Riders', released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts."
2) Horrible actor, don't kid yourself. Even HE knows he's not a good actor.
3) Star of many great movies (eg. Missing In Action) and TV shows (eg. Walker Texas Ranger).
4) Center of the internet craze of "Chuck Norris Facts", where people made up one liners about how amazing Chuck Norris is. They were hilarious when they came out in early-mid 2005, but now everyone and their dead grandma has heard these jokes, and they're getting old.
Chuck Norris himself has offered commentary on these jokes:
"I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as 'Chuck Norris facts.' I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, 'Against All Odds?' They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, 'The Justice Riders', released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts."
No matter how many people abuse these jokes, Chuck Norris' tears will ALWAYS cure cancer, yet he will NEVER cry!
by REDWHITEnCrue25 April 10, 2006
Get the Chuck Norris mug.One of the funniest commedians EVER, matched only by Dane Cook. Died tragically in late March by a combination of drug abuse and a life-long heart problem... :(
I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry. And that's extra scary to me, because there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run. He's fuzzy. Get outta here.
I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut em up."
This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to hard.
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.
At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said "Certainly." He said "Do I need to dial 9?" I say "Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick."
I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D".
My friend was walking down the street and he said, "I hear music." As if there is any other way of taking it in. I tried to taste it, but it did not work.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for...(laughs) That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.
I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide..."
I wrote a letter to my dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it so i crossed it out and wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, dad - there's a lot of shit you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away...
My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter, but I don't want them too. I'm like, "Hey... Hold on fellows... Let me hold one of you, and feed you a leaf." Koala bears are so cute, why do they have to be so far away from me. We need to ship a few over, so I can hold one, and pat it on its head.
I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.
My lucky number is 4 billion, that doesn't come in real handy when your gambling. I'm gonna need some more dice, 4 billion divided by 6, at least.
I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut em up."
This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to hard.
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.
At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said "Certainly." He said "Do I need to dial 9?" I say "Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick."
I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D".
My friend was walking down the street and he said, "I hear music." As if there is any other way of taking it in. I tried to taste it, but it did not work.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for...(laughs) That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.
I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide..."
I wrote a letter to my dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it so i crossed it out and wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, dad - there's a lot of shit you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away...
My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter, but I don't want them too. I'm like, "Hey... Hold on fellows... Let me hold one of you, and feed you a leaf." Koala bears are so cute, why do they have to be so far away from me. We need to ship a few over, so I can hold one, and pat it on its head.
I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.
My lucky number is 4 billion, that doesn't come in real handy when your gambling. I'm gonna need some more dice, 4 billion divided by 6, at least.
by REDWHITEnCrue25 August 13, 2005
Get the Mitch Hedberg mug.A genre of music that, in the late 70s-80s, was based on partying and having a good time were the only ways to live. On occasion you would get darker lyrics, but not like the shit you see in bands today such as Atreyu and lamb of god. Fuck them.
Good metal: Metallica, Poison, Def Leppard, Ratt, Megadeth, Kiss, Skid Row, Ozzy, Van Halen, Dokken, Queensryche, and Motley Crue.
(While writing this, I was listening to "Jet City Woman" by Queensryche and "Run To The Hills" by Iron Maiden)
(While writing this, I was listening to "Jet City Woman" by Queensryche and "Run To The Hills" by Iron Maiden)
by Redwhitencrue25 July 12, 2005
Get the metal mug.1. 80's metal band that kicked some major ass back in the day. Fronted by Blackie Lawless, former of the New York Dolls. Known for such songs as "L.O.V.E. Machine" and "Wild Child"
2. White Anglo-Saxon Protestant
2. White Anglo-Saxon Protestant
1. W.A.S.P. does NOT stand for "We Are Sexual Perverts" you stupid fucking prick.
2. Racist fucks...
2. Racist fucks...
by REDWHITEnCrue25 August 19, 2005
Get the W.A.S.P. mug.Rather good 80's glam metal band, fronted by Tom Keifer (the funniest last name ever). They are synonymous with Poison, because they both kick equal ass!
Nobody's Fool, Gypsy Road, Shake Me, Don't Know What You've Got ('Till It's Gone)! Cinderella kicks ass!
by REDWHITEnCrue25 August 12, 2005
Get the cinderella mug.A very good heavy metal band from the early '90s, yet they are also one of the two bands (along with Nirvana) that destroyed '80s metal such as Mötley Crüe, Poison, and even Metallica. Pantera introduced a much more dark and heavy type of metal to the public than they were used to. This later spawned many subgenres of metal such as death metal, dark metal, and goth metal. Each and every one of these genres sucks, because this is one of those things where the first one is the best one.
Music was great before, and even during the early Pantera days, now the mainstream music scene is all whining emo kids, wannabe rappers, suicidal goths, and screaming ass holes who have no clue what real music is, and I blame you, Pantera.
by REDWHITEnCrue25 August 24, 2005
Get the Pantera mug.1) Sick ass drummer of the band Mötley Crüe.
2) New slang for a large penis; commonly mistaken for rockets or flagpoles.
2) New slang for a large penis; commonly mistaken for rockets or flagpoles.
1) Did you go to the Crüe show last night!? Tommy Lee kicked ass!
2) Mom: Jenny, what did I tell you about licking flagpoles in the winter!?
Jenny: No, mom! Thith ith a Tommy Lee!
Mom: Well, shit!
2) Mom: Jenny, what did I tell you about licking flagpoles in the winter!?
Jenny: No, mom! Thith ith a Tommy Lee!
Mom: Well, shit!
by REDWHITEnCrue25 September 16, 2005
Get the Tommy Lee mug.