1 definition by MuricanGirl
There aren’t any actual guidos (orange gorillas) from the Shore. If you see any at all, they’re fucking bennies from Staten Island.
Most Jerseyans talk like Phillidelphians; only the far northern ones talk like New Yorkers.
It’s Jur-zee, not Joisy, you little shit.
We all do say “cawfee, tawk,” etc. And many say “worter” instead of “wadder”.
We ARE the Garden State. Don’t be an ignorant prick and assume Jersey is full of smog and factories like Newark. The entire South and Central of Jersey are covered in forests, beaches, and farmland.
Taste our tomatoes, corn, and cranberries. They’ll change you.
Jersey drivers are used to jughandles, circles, and tons of exits. We can drive anywhere.
You bet we will hunt you down and call you a “fucking motherfucker” if you cut us off.
Shit’s expensive. A loaf of bread will cost your soul.
We cry heavily-taxed tears. We find comfort in: the Shore, Six Flags Great Adventure, and pizza.
On that note: Jersey pizza is the best pizza. In Seaside, slices are as big as your head (dead serious).
Major fact about Central Jersey: PINEYS EVERYWHERE. Look them up. In short, they’re northern rednecks from the Pine Barrens.
Porkroll, pizza, subs, bagels, Italian Ice, cheese steak, and coffee are the staples of our diet.
WaWa is love. WaWa is life.
A traditional, New Jersey only holiday: Mischief Night. The night before Halloween where we fuck up the town: slash all the tires, egg everything, and toilet paper all kinds of shit. Good times.
Most Jerseyans talk like Phillidelphians; only the far northern ones talk like New Yorkers.
It’s Jur-zee, not Joisy, you little shit.
We all do say “cawfee, tawk,” etc. And many say “worter” instead of “wadder”.
We ARE the Garden State. Don’t be an ignorant prick and assume Jersey is full of smog and factories like Newark. The entire South and Central of Jersey are covered in forests, beaches, and farmland.
Taste our tomatoes, corn, and cranberries. They’ll change you.
Jersey drivers are used to jughandles, circles, and tons of exits. We can drive anywhere.
You bet we will hunt you down and call you a “fucking motherfucker” if you cut us off.
Shit’s expensive. A loaf of bread will cost your soul.
We cry heavily-taxed tears. We find comfort in: the Shore, Six Flags Great Adventure, and pizza.
On that note: Jersey pizza is the best pizza. In Seaside, slices are as big as your head (dead serious).
Major fact about Central Jersey: PINEYS EVERYWHERE. Look them up. In short, they’re northern rednecks from the Pine Barrens.
Porkroll, pizza, subs, bagels, Italian Ice, cheese steak, and coffee are the staples of our diet.
WaWa is love. WaWa is life.
A traditional, New Jersey only holiday: Mischief Night. The night before Halloween where we fuck up the town: slash all the tires, egg everything, and toilet paper all kinds of shit. Good times.
Ode to the Garden State:
Oh Jersey, I love thine concrete, graffiti-ed city blocks,
And densely packed suburbs, full of middle-class, football obsessed Italian families,
Your greatness by far outshines your neighboring New York,
Just look at your tons of hilariously sexual-sounding bodies of water: Hackensack, Mullica, Assiscunk, Ballanger, Ho-Ho-Kus, and Sluice,
Love is eating tons of pizza, fried oreos, and Rita's Ice, then riding everything on your wonderful boardwalks and puking the night away,
Those festive Halloween mornings in good ol' Jersey are not complete without walking out on your porch to a street of fucked up cars, smashed windows, and white streamers covering every roof panel of every house,
Dear, sweet Jersey, we will proudly display our "Jersey Girl" stickers on our cars and continue to tailgate New Yorkers until they fuck off in your honor.
Oh Jersey, I love thine concrete, graffiti-ed city blocks,
And densely packed suburbs, full of middle-class, football obsessed Italian families,
Your greatness by far outshines your neighboring New York,
Just look at your tons of hilariously sexual-sounding bodies of water: Hackensack, Mullica, Assiscunk, Ballanger, Ho-Ho-Kus, and Sluice,
Love is eating tons of pizza, fried oreos, and Rita's Ice, then riding everything on your wonderful boardwalks and puking the night away,
Those festive Halloween mornings in good ol' Jersey are not complete without walking out on your porch to a street of fucked up cars, smashed windows, and white streamers covering every roof panel of every house,
Dear, sweet Jersey, we will proudly display our "Jersey Girl" stickers on our cars and continue to tailgate New Yorkers until they fuck off in your honor.
by MuricanGirl August 2, 2014