Mike Oxhard's definitions

cottage cheese diet

1. the habit of only having sex with women so obese they have severe cellulite (origin: the cottage cheese appearance of cellulite.

2. anything a woman who has severe cellulite eats .

1. She's too skinny for him, he's on a cottage cheese diet.

2. Damn, women on a cottage cheese diet shouldn't wear bikinis!

by Mike Oxhard July 12, 2006

ground hog dump

a bowel movement that is so large and impacted that you can squeeze out a portion, but can't pinch it off, so it goes back in.

After that ground hog dump, I need some laxatives.

by Mike Oxhard July 11, 2006

Cat Scan

When you grab the inside of a females thigh and can feel her heartbeat.

Connor told me he gave Michelle a Cat Scan

by mike oxhard December 23, 2020

jingle fever

The attraction a woman feels to a man with a lot of money. (origin: relates to jingling sound of many coins in a pocket).

As soon as she saw his Maserati, she got jingle fever.

by Mike Oxhard July 10, 2006

republican

The American political party that protects the interests of the very wealthy and corporations by lowering their tax and regulatory burden, and making it easier for businesses to get cheap labor and cheap natural resources both at home and abroad.

Since the natural constituency for this agenda is very small, the party panders to religious zealots, racists, and the marginally retarded. Fortunately for the Republicans, the issues that activate this base usually cost nothing and have almost no overlap with their actual economic agenda.

Among wealthy: We need a Republican congress to get rid of that dreadful inheritance tax.

Among stupid: It was the Republicans what said we gonna git a flag burning amendment.

by Mike Oxhard August 15, 2006

tie

1. a garment worn around the neck helpful in identifying workers who have been rendered eunuchs by their employers and/or someone who thinks looking important is more important than being comfortable enough to do actual work.

2. also helps dominatrixes identify potential clients who are passives.

(Origin: when slave-catchers would tie a rope around a slave's neck. Also, symbolizes iron collar and chain used to restrain slaves).

That poor dickless fuck has to wear a tie to work.

by Mike Oxhard July 13, 2006

near queer

Not quite openly gay or consciously aware of being gay.

He said he's not gay, but he's sure as hell near queer.

by Mike Oxhard July 11, 2006