Matt.....'s definitions

Vampire

1. In literature, media, and folklore, a "traditional" vampire is a demon who consumes blood of humans or animals for nourishment. Sometimes a human who has been bit by a vampire will transform into a vampire themselves. Vampires have a fear of anything holy, garlic, and the sun. Vampires have a child-like mentality, as they are unable to enter places or do certain things without permission, as was first addressed in Bram Stoker's "Dracula." Most commonly killed by a stake through the heart.

2. Any species of bat that consumes blood. Three types of vampire bats are the Common Vampire Bat (Desmodus rotundus), the Hairy Legged VB (Diphylla ecaudata), and the White-Winged VB (Diaemus youngi). They rarely attack humans and mostly consume blood from livestock or birds.

3. Any member of the goth subculture who thinks that listening to Norwegian death metal, dressing in long black clothing, and being a fan of vampire movies and/or blood will make them a full-fledged vampire. Refuse to believe that vampires are just the work of folklore. Can usually be seen outside Hot Topic, alone, as nobody will be their friend because they "don't want to associate with the living."

1. Bram Stoker's "Dracula" is considered the premiere text of vampire folklore.

2. Vampire bats are common in tropical climates, barns, and zoos.

3. This was an actual example from someone I met at the mall who was claiming to be a vampire. They became my "source," so to speak.

by Matt..... October 25, 2007

bench jockey

A negative way of describing someone in the scientific field who spends a vast majority of his or her time in front of a bench or lab station performing mundane and repetitive tasks. The typical entry level position for college graduates who enter a science job and how disgruntled lab techs refer to themselves. Those who do well are typically promoted to a supervisory or managerial position before going on to get an advanced degree such as an MBA or PhD.

Billy got a bachelors in biology and his first job was working as a low paid bench jockey.

Brian got a masters in biology but still had to start off as a higher paid bench jockey.

Sue got a bachelors in biology and like her colleagues had to start as a bench jockey. After a few years she left to get her MBA and now oversees all of her company's bench jockeys.

by Matt..... April 22, 2011

bloody mary

A cocktail made from vodka, tomato juice, other spices, and a celery stick. Can also be used as a hangover cure. My recipe is:

1.5 shots vodka
2 shots tomato juice
2 shakes Worcestershire sauce
1 shake Tabasco
dash of horseradish
dash of salt & pepper.

Fill a highball glass with ice. Pour in the vodka, Worcestershire, Tabasco, and tomato juice, and stir with a celery stick. Dash the horseradish, then shake on pepper and salt (if using low-sodium tomato juice). Use the celery stick you stirred with as garnish.

Guy: BARKEEP! Another bloody mary!
Bartender: Dammit, Donnie, you've had 4 already, go home!

by Matt..... April 21, 2007

Shun

1. To reject someone/thing.
2. To banish someone/thing.
3. A line of high quality, Japanese-style kitchen knives made by Kershaw. The edges are tempered to a 16 degree angle, as opposed to a 23 degree angle most other kitchen knife makers use (Wusthof, for example), giving them a razor-sharp edge.

1 & 2. He was shunned to the island.
3. Alton Brown endorses Shun. Don't run with knives.

by Matt..... February 24, 2007

Moral Orel

A humorous stop-motion show that appeared on adult swim. It centered around Orel, an 11/12 year old church goer who tries to do the right thing by living up to an extreme Protestant ethic. The show itself is a satire of Protestantism, Christianity, morality, and 1950s culture, just to name a few. As the show progressed it began incorporating more dark humor with its episodes. It aired for three seasons before it was denied renewal, most likely due to a combination of the episodes "Nature (part I and II)", "Numb," and "Alone."

Despite how dark Moral Orel ended, it is still a good satire that manages to get good jokes in.

by Matt..... May 25, 2009

Olympics

An sporting event originating in Greece as an honor to the gods. In more modern times it has become an international sporting contest were most of the world's countries participate every four years. The athletes selected to participate are their country's cream of the crop and represent their home nation with unparalleled pride. Being awarded a medal means you are one of the best athletes in the world. A pure and true athletic spectacle that has unfortunately received less popularity in recent years.

The true, original definition of athleticism originated at the ancient Olympics. Being allowed to represent your country is considered the ultimate goal for almost every athlete in the world.

by Matt..... October 4, 2008

Foot massage

The rubbing and massaging of one's feet. Often interpreted as sensual. Something you never give another man's woman.

Vincent: I ain't saying it's right. But you're saying a foot massage don't mean nothing, and I'm saying it does. Now look, I've given a million ladies a million foot massages, and they all meant something. We act like they don't, but they do, and that's what's so fucking cool about them. There's a sensuous thing going on where you don't talk about it, but you know it, she knows it, fucking Marsellus knew it, and Antwone should have fucking better known better. I mean, that's his fucking wife, man. He can't be expected to have a sense of humor about that shit. You know what I'm saying?

Jules: That's an interesting point. Come on, let's get into character.

by Matt..... March 7, 2011