Eaton Holgoode's definitions

Buffalo Blowout

The most heinous of all rectal explosions. A firey, stinging release of wet shit caused by too many chicken wings and draft beer.

I didn't make to half time during the Super Bowl this year before I had a Buffalo Blowout.

by Eaton Holgoode March 9, 2017

Texas Butter Churn

Getting vigorously and deeply fisted by a partner with an arm lubricated up to the elbow. The rapid action churns out a frothy amalgam with the consistency of fresh butter.

Did you hear about Jorge? He went out on his break to smoke a fatty and wound up getting a Texas Butter Churn from that bum that sleeps behind the dumpster.

Rachel took a Texas Butter Churn last night like a champ. Her oring looked like a spread of Country Crock Butter.

by Eaton Holgoode November 6, 2018

Beef Chipper

A snaggle toothed prostitute with a busted up grill.

Stay away from that prostitute broooohhh. She's a beef chipper. She's known to gnaw it raw.

by Eaton Holgoode March 10, 2017

Like a Puppet

A reference to a finger banging or a fisting (of any orifice) that is so deeply penetrating and so vigorous that it's akin to working a ventriloquist doll or similar hand puppet.

Roger fisted his neighbor like a puppet.

How was your date last night braaaahhh?
Worked her over like a puppet brother.

Breath deep baby. I'm going full fist. Gonna work that booty like a puppet.

by Eaton Holgoode January 14, 2016

Velscrot

A condition of the male ball sack aka scrot or scrotum whereby it clings to the inner thighs, possibly even portions of the taint, like Velcro due to excessive sweat and moisture.

After a long day of yard work, Carl had the worst case of Velscrot when he finally stopped to drink a cold beer.

by Eaton Holgoode November 15, 2015

Berry Farmer

An individual, male or female, with a such a hirsute anal region that they sport a prolific dingleberry problem.

Roger is a berry farmer. He’s always digging and plucking them out.

Despite a weekly wax, Rachel’s hairy ass made her one hell of a berry farmer.

by Eaton Holgoode May 4, 2018

Cloaked Meat

Cloaked Meat is a situational condition that impacts those who consider themselves to be vegan, vegetarian or simply do not eat animal meat products. Cloaked Meat is when an animal meat product is either purposely or accidently placed into a food entree to be served and eaten by a non-meat eater. Cloaked Meat is most often, but not always, discovered in wraps and sandwiches that are marked as meatless or vegetarian found at catered lunch meetings and functions. The meat is considered Cloaked due to the fact that it is not readily visible to the eye and is often buried under lettuce and other customary sandwich fixings. Even more difficult to spot is Cloaked Meat in baked and cooked entrees. Cloaked Meat is usually only discovered once bitten into and most often, when already swallowed. Depending upon aversion to meat products, Cloaked Meat can result in nausea, vomiting, stomach ache and in extreme instances, massive, explosive diarrhea.

Roxy attended the office's get together for Henry's pending retirement. The company provided a lovely catered lunch which included sandwiches and wraps from a local deli. Roxy selected the sandwich marked "vegetarian wrap" since she is averse to eating animal meat products. Halfway through her sandwich and during a mid-chew and swallow, Roxy discovered that there was Cloaked Meat. Within minutes, Roxy was overwhelmed with nausea and had to leave the party. Within the hour, Roxy found herself running to the bathroom to avoid a shart and she subsequently expelled explosive diarrhea.

by Eaton Holgoode March 7, 2014