AKACroatalin's definitions

Farty-breath

An expression used to describe a person with halitosis or bad breath. This can range from someone with mildly unpleasant bad breath because they’ve been up all night and haven’t had a chance to brush their teeth to someone with a real problem. You know the sort of person I mean, their teeth look like the bones of animal carcases or the weathered moss covered tombstones in a neglected graveyard; and their breath, oh lord their breath, it smells like a cross between rotting fish and the decomposing faecal emissions of a diseased pig and should be declared a biohazard.

“Oh shit! It’s farty-breath! I wish I had a gasmask.”

by AKACroatalin August 1, 2015

Mistletoe

Most people think of mistletoe as being romantic, but it isn’t, not really. The name derives from mistletan, which means a twig of mistle; the seeds of the plant are propagated through the excrement of birds, notably the mistle thrush. If you now take account that the old Germanic word ‘mist’ means shit or dung, mistletoe’s name translates as ‘shit plant’.

I’ll never see mistletoe in quite the same way ever again.

by AKACroatalin January 8, 2017

Nomophobe

A nomophobe is a person suffering from nomophobia. You know the people I mean, the ones with a mobile phone stuck to their ear. If they aren’t talking on it they’re fiddling with it in some bizarre form of electronic masturbation. If they stop for more than five seconds, a strange glazed look comes over them, starting at their eyes but gradually taking over their whole face until they either start chattering rubbish to somebody or fiddling with the thing like Nero on steroids. When you next see one take a really good look as they are a dying species, too busy playing with their phones to breed.

Nomophobe, a sad act constantly pissing about with a mobile phone.

by AKACroatalin April 28, 2015

Decency

Decency is a noun and can have two distinct meanings:
1. Behaviour that conforms to accepted standards of morality or respectability.
2. Things required for a reasonable standard of life.

1. One example of decency is not calling people with a learning disability rug munchers.
2. In one sense, you do need money for decency.

by AKACroatalin February 26, 2017

Monkey Fucking

Adjective used to refer to a person usually male who will have sex with any woman. Someone who is so indiscriminate that they would fuck a female monkey. Eventually its use was broadened so that it became used to describe anyone whose habits are unpleasant, unsavoury or just plain weird.

"Malcolm, you are, without doubt, the most useless cunt eyed, shit-licking, monkey fucking, piss-brained, ass kissing, fuck witted WOSP in the world!"

by AKACroatalin March 28, 2015

Counterproductive Workplace Behaviour

This is behaviour on the part of an employee or employees that works against the legitimate interests of the organisation that employs them or indeed their own interests. This sort of behaviour is detrimental to the organisation, its employees, clients and customers. It is believed that persons with a tendency to experience anger are more likely to respond to a stressful situation, such as being treated unfairly with counterproductive workplace behaviour.

When the supervisor blamed Charlie for his own mistake, Charlie deliberately jammed all three photocopiers in a fit of counterproductive workplace behaviour.

by AKACroatalin June 11, 2015

Dorkelfie

Literally a selfie taken by someone who is a dork. The ultimate destination for these pictures is social media and the people who take them are usually insecure, self-obsessed, self-aggrandising sad acts with no real friends. Oh dear! I think I may just have described a significant proportion of Facebook users.

From one perspective, any selfie is a dorkelfie.

by AKACroatalin April 22, 2015