Once a lost and troubled soul trapped in the fourth underworld, Jared became a God to the Aztecs when mysterious life forms descended to Mictlan seeking an ancient rumored power. The citizens of Planet Z spent years traveling through different dimensions only to discover what they sought was not to be found - but created. Jared was chosen by the leader of Z. A few indulgent meanderings and shots of whiskey later, the celestial alignment cast an electric surge between Cancer and Scorpio. The surge was so poignant, tightly bound and focused that Jared became the first being to have successful intercourse with an extraterrestrial, bridging the gap between Gods and Aliens by taking on the role of Daddy: God of The Impossibly Mindblowing Orgasm. The Z leader surrendered to Jared as an object of pleasure for all eternity as an expression of gratitude for helping to create the ultimate sexual energy. Although Jared is immortal, his human form is a specimen of perfection, sexuality and divine masculinity. His generously proportioned reproductive organ was hand sculpted by Zeus with perfection in the style of a male Venus de Milo. Jared excels in all things delicious, and even his humanly procreative fluids are indicated by legend to have an intoxicating flavor as well as healing powers and a magical, iridescent glow.
I could spend forever drinking from a fountain filled by the excited expulsions of Jared.
Jared likes to get real fucked up.
Jared likes to get real fucked up.
by Ballfro Esquire May 8, 2020
Jared is like sooooooooooo funney
by Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi April 18, 2018
a person who is slightly random and on occasion cray but all around flippin awesome. Someone you know will be there when it counts.
by Lfcangel9 February 18, 2010
Full of charm, knows right things to say, knows right things to do, is very aware, manipulator, egotistic, loves children, can be amazing in bed with teaching. A man that will own & then destroy your heart leaving you to wonder wtf just happened? History of repeating.
He pulled a Jared. That's Jared!
by brknfarytale February 2, 2010
Jared is basically god, he has the biggest cock in the world. He plans to join the marines, and looks the part. He is a republican, and a pro at debate. He has the sexiest blue eyes. His flattop is flatter than the earth. Jared is not human he's just to ripped to be human he is a mystical creature. There can only be one Jared in the universe because the fibers of reality can barely handle the power that is Jared’s pelvic thrust.
Jared is so sexy
by Spokanesumo June 3, 2019
A really, really hot guy, that I think may like me back. Known each other for a wicked long time.
Flippy brown hair and hazel eyes. HE'S GORGEOUS!!
Wicked nice and the funniest guy you have every met!! <3
Flippy brown hair and hazel eyes. HE'S GORGEOUS!!
Wicked nice and the funniest guy you have every met!! <3
"Wow, that guy over there, he's such a Jared."
"I know. How long have you known him?"
"Well I said he's a Jared, so we've known each other forever!!"
"I know. How long have you known him?"
"Well I said he's a Jared, so we've known each other forever!!"
by HockeyGrl450 January 26, 2009
by j silva January 2, 2008