kofi's definitions

Rag Week

(Everything Umbongo says is 80% true and 100% funny, but he could have added:) RAG WEEK is traditionally a part of the British university calendar. It is a fund-raising week for the poor and disadvantaged (not themselves), where students try to palm off funny writings, and (say) push toilets along the main street of town, swallow ugly-looking fluids, or try to set up new Guinness records for bedhopping, for fun and public cash. Errrr, but apart from that usual stuff, they give some of the resulting money to local or larger charitable organisations, such as the SLC (Student Loans Company).

A: So what are you doing for Rag Week?
B: I think I'll just stay in bed.
A: Have you got sponsorship for that?
B: No, but I have got a whoppin hangover.

by kofi May 15, 2003

lambada

Thankfully short-lived joke form of samba, a commercial bastardisation aimed at satisfying overweight, sweaty businessmen who could do no more than limply shuffle their feet about in pursuit of fame, fitness, fashion and pussy.

Lambada was a Brazilian answer to karaoke.

by kofi May 18, 2003

cock whore

woman who is completely addicted to the most prominent male organ. Same as nymph, nympho, nymphomaniac.(Note that "whore" in this context does not usually indicate any payment is made: it simply suggests utter, often gullible submission to the servicing of males, which breeds contempt in others.)

Tray used to be Miss Cock Whore for a few years, but now she's a bit more selective about who can have her.

by kofi May 12, 2003

split beaver

much the same as a bearded clam: except perhaps more eager, and more neatly trimmed, i.e. furry rather than shaggy in its coat. A plain beaver but helplessly spreadeagled. An object of fear, revulsion or contempt for some, an object of desire, conquest or reverence for many: yes it's yet another name for her cunt!

She was 16 when she first discovered she was carrying a wild animal around with her. Before she knew where she was, a wily trapper had trussed up and made short work of her furry little companion. Nowadays she keeps her split beaver as contented, well-exercised and well-fed as she possibly can.

by kofi May 14, 2003

shag

can mean rough tobacco, or else amateur beach-style dancing in the US. But in the main UK sense, as noun or verb, is an alternative to "fuck" ... but with a slight, important difference of effect. To some ears, "fuck" (like "bang") can sound like an aggressive act, and/or violent conquest, whereas "shag" (a softer sound) sounds more like an enjoyable fun activity. "Shag" is still often the preferred term among women who are very keen on "shagging", very much enjoy shagging men (and/or women) and getting shagged themselves. But don't so much want to get "fucked" (though if talking about another woman, especially a rival, it may well be a different story!). (Note also: "fucking" can also suggest "meddling" or "cheating", "fucked" is also associated with "broken" or "finished", "had it" - "shagged" is used simply to mean "very tired" .... one more reason for the preference by some people for "shag" over "fuck"!)

Tracy to Sharon at a party: "Don't know about you ge-ww, but I need a good stiff shag right away".
Sharon: Yeah, so do I, but steer clear of that Darren, Trace, he just fucks ge-wws an' leaves 'em on their arses!
Tracy (eyes lighting up): Oh yeah? Which one's him then, Shazz?
Sharon (laughs out loud): Come on ge-ww, surely even YOU can do better than DARREN, ya randy little slag?!!!

by kofi May 14, 2003

three-in-a-bed

A threesome as a one-off (so to speak). A three-in-a-bed is a sexual encounter between three people, usually (at least for two of those involved) for the first and last time.

A phrase beloved of the British tabloid press is "three-in-a-bed romp", which stresses bother the impermanence and the (just-for-)fun nature of the experience, thus engaging the sexual interest and desire, the envy and thus the moralising indignation of the newspaper's readers all at once!

by kofi June 30, 2003

milk

(verb:) single-mindedly to masturbate a male to the point where he ejaculates his "milk" sperm. Use of this term suggests the extraction is more for the amusement and/or satisfaction of the "milker" than that of the person selected to be "milked". (Verb also found in combinations such as: "milk the snake", "milk the milkman")

Tracy used to boast to her friends that any man she could not milk within two hours of meeting, was not worth knowing.

by Kofi May 8, 2003