QuacksO's definitions

carpoohler

A self-centered scofflaw ("Oh, POOH on letting families have their own lane!") who safety-belts adult-sized teddy bears (Winnie or otherwise) and other giant stuffed animals into the seats of his car to simulate human passengers so that he can solo-drive in the lanes reserved for minivans.

Carpoohlers are actually a DOUBLE menace when comes to wasting travel-time on the road --- not only do they clog the lanes meant for families with teens and small children, but then when the cops finally crack down on these I-itis-hearted road-hogs, their check-points/road-blocks further slow down entire lanes of traffic and make everybody even later and more frustrated.

by QuacksO July 8, 2018

Austraylia

Da large south-seas continent where a lot of wayward livestock roams.

Crocodile Dundee preferred da freedom of da bush to da confines of da big city, so perhaps his favorite locale could be termed, "Austraylia".

by QuacksO January 9, 2025

yearrigation

Copiously watering one's surroundings due to an advanced-age-caused loss of bladder-control.

Taking bowel-and-urinary-tract-benefiting herbs like rhubarb, slippery elm, and saw palmetto can help you avoid "yearrigation" and other waste-expulsion issues once you become an "old fart".

by QuacksO February 11, 2025

a**h**e safety-net

A.k.a. "a**h**e insurance". Refers to where you habitually bring a really intolerably-obnoxious human along with you on potentially-dangerous excursions, such as on an airline-trip, into battle or a "bad" part of town, on a road-trip through natural-disaster areas like flooding or rock-slides, into a hazardous-materials area, etc., to better your own chances of survival. The theory behind this practice, of course, is that whenever there is a widespread catastrophe or other mass-annihilation incident, statistically the "nice" folks are usually the ones who get killed, while the super-nasty inhabitants in the disaster-area invariably seem to escape with little or no injury. So the obvious conclusion would be that if you "keep your friends close and your enemies even closer" (i.e., always stay right next to the acridly-antisocial hombre who's accompanying you), the Fate gods --- who apparently like and favor the mean folks, since they always seem to spare them --- will be hesitant to allow anything harmful to occur in your vicinity, since they would not want to risk harming or killing one of their precious meanie-jerks, as well. Simple, but effective, and a lot cheaper and more reliable than buying death/accident-insurance.

The concept of the "a**h**e safety-net" is nothing new --- it's actually just kinda the reverse of taking hostages: while the latter involves keeping desirable people close to you so that their fellow humans will not send bullets or bombs your way for fear of hurting their abducted loved ones, the former strategy also utilizes the "human shield" concept, but in the exact opposite way... no respectable human being would give a rat's a** if your cranky-natured companion were eliminated ("Good riddance!"), but the Gods of Fate would indeed wish to maintain the well-being of such miscreant, and so they will feel forced to let you live on, as well.

by QuacksO July 23, 2019

poutdoors

Dat boring portion of da world dat ye typical teenage electronic-gadget addict gets all sulky about having to inhabit for any length of time.

One easy way to prevent your offspring's avoiding da Great Poutdoors is to make them earn the money to purchase/operate/maintain their electronic gadgets, compelling them to work outside da house for extended periods.

by QuacksO December 13, 2019

sourcery

Da art of magically producing commodities out of thin air.

Tronald Dump would have to be a total master of sourcery to be able to build The Wall "cheaper than anyone else".

by QuacksO October 24, 2020

alphabetical ordinance

boardinance: A building-code for wooden structures or wild pigs
boredinance: A rule about providing adequate interesting programs/activities for local youths
coordinance: Specifies how many cans of Goldens and Silver Bullets ya are allowed per day
cordinance: Da local custom regarding extra/unwanted string
coredinance: Dictates how ya hafta dispose of yer eaten apples and dead car-batteries
doordinance: What ya hafta obey regarding hinged entrance-ways

fordinance: Which and/or how many blue-oval-badged vehicles ya may own
fourdinance: An edict regarding a specific number of items, occasions, etc.
goredinance: Rule regarding how graphically-violent a movie or event can be
hoardinance: How many items ya may hold onto
lordinance: How much power you can have over others
loredinance: What types of historic tales are permitted
moordinance: What's allowed on broad grassy areas
moredinance: Da law controlling additional amounts

Additional examples of alphabetical ordinance include:
nordinance: Rule of neither
poordinance: Da permissible degree of indigence
poredinance: Rules regarding da tiny holes in yer skin
pourdinance: How ya hafta dispense liquids, powders, etc.
roardinance: How loudly ya may rev yer engine or perform yer lion-impersonations
soardinance: A rule regarding flight
soredinance: How temperish or achy/rashy ya can become before seeking treatment
toredinance: How dilapidated/damaged yer clothing can be when ya are out in public
tourdinance: Da law regarding guided entertainment/instructional strolls
whoredinance: How "loose" a person can be
woredinance: How new something has to be, or what clothing ya hafta put on
yoredinance: What antique items/activities ya may possess and/or partake of
yourdinance: A rule regarding second-person ownership

by QuacksO July 29, 2021