Pipe Downn's definitions

Plankspanker

One who "spanks the plank", "mangles the monkey", or otherwise "chokes the chipolata."

Why no, Robert - there's nothing wrong with being a devoted plankspanker, as long as you are in a faithful, committed relationship with yourself.

by Pipe Downn July 9, 2009

Guitard

A retard who plays the guitar.

Pronounced "g-ee-tard" - with a hard "g", and emphasis on the "ee" sound.

Applies particularly if excessive guitar-playing has caused or contributed to the retardation.

Chuck has been playing Smoke On The Water for the last seven hours.

What a guitard!

by Pipe Downn January 22, 2009

Jog on

Get lost; piss off.

British slang, wrongly believed by many to originate from the 2004 Nick Love film "The Football Factory".

The expression, however, has a far longer history - dating back in Scotland to at least the 1640s, when it appears in Francis Semphill's popular song "Maggie Lauder"

Jog on your gait, ye blatherskate,
My name is Maggie Lauder.

(Get on your way, you bletherer,
My name is Maggie Lauder.)

by Pipe Downn November 13, 2013

Jack Shit

An American gentleman, with whom certain people are unfamiliar.

You don't know Jack Shit.

Perhaps not, but I'm actually on rather good terms with his wealthier cousin Theodore.

by Pipe Downn January 21, 2009

Tardvark

1) A retarded aardvark
2) Any stupid person with a pointy or outsize nose

Dick Cheney is such a tardvark.

by Pipe Downn March 13, 2009

Mental Masturbation

Term used by visionless people for the groundbreaking ideas that will shape the future.

What? A box that can carry voices on a wire to another box on the other side of the world? Dude, that is just mental masturbation.

by Pipe Downn March 19, 2013

tardocracy

A society whose political system is characterised by the rule of fucktards.

Under George W Bush, America became the world's premier tardocracy.

The Palin 2012 campaign proposes a new benchmark for tardocracy.

by Pipe Downn October 24, 2010