Monkey's Dad's definitions

Newsmocks

A nickname for Newsmax, spoken quietly by some of the network's performers, paid to broadcast the far-right party line, whether they believe it or not.

"Next up on Newsmocks", intoned the host in his dressing room, "security camera proof of Fauci in the Wuhan lab. Don't go away."

by Monkey's Dad August 3, 2021

Breathing While Black

In too many instances in America, a crime punishable by death.

In the eyes of Derek Chauvin, George Floyd's crime was Breathing While Black. As Chauvin suffocated Floyd for more than nine minutes, ending his life, Floyd's last words were "I can't breathe", a phrase which became a rallying cry for justice.

by Monkey's Dad April 21, 2021

dog dreaming

A sleep state, moving your arms and legs and making sounds, a manifestation of your dreams.

He could see that she was dreaming about running, her legs were going, and she was making little shouting sounds, dog dreaming, the way their poodle visibly dreamed of chasing deer.

by Monkey's Dad April 23, 2020

psygh

A long, deep, audible breath which sounds like a sigh but has a pathological source.

For the tenth time in two minutes she heard him psygh, and realized that confinement was making him crazy.

by Monkey's Dad April 9, 2020

personal disappearance

The care we take with how we look, when there is no one to see us.

Saturday night in a city under lockdown, another date with her laptop. She brushed her hair and put on makeup, knowing that for the foreseeable future, she would be the only one to take pleasure in her personal disappearance.

by Monkey's Dad March 18, 2020

I can't do two things at once

A fact known to all men and universally discredited by women.

"The dog needs to go out, right away" she said, as he was balancing on the top of rung the ladder, not only changing the bulb but cradling the fragile glass globe. "And please take the towels out of the dryer, before they start to smell moldy."

"I can't do two things at once" he replied, but she could not hear him, polishing her nails, talking to her mother on the phone and finalizing the Etsy order for Kleenex box holders, reminding him... "I need you to tell me which of these patterns you prefer".

by Monkey's Dad August 30, 2023

postemptive

After the fact. A measure taken in response to something which has already happened. Shutting the barn door after the horse has escaped. The opposite of preemptive.

"Would it seem postemptive if I wrote a letter of resignation?"
"They fired you last week."
"Yeah, well..."

by Monkey's Dad March 11, 2020