McCririck's unlucky Laundress's definitions

sausage muncher

Noun: a German person. kraut fritz squarehead.

All my material fell flatter than a witches tit last night - there was a big crowd of sausage munchers in - and now they've taken all the sun loungers.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

Sherman

Noun: An American. Cockney rhyming slang: Sherman Tank - Yank. Real Cockney rhyming slang only uses the first word, which sounds nothing like the thing being referred to in the rhyme so secrecy is preserved.

I went to fight the sausage munchers and when I came back with my legs blown off my bird had been stolen by a fuckin' Sherman.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

blige

Interjection: A Bristolian form of the mild expletive blimey.

Drops Ming vase off Clifton Suspension Bridge:
"Oh blige!"

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

plastic paddy

Noun: Term of abuse for someone who feigns being Irish when convenient. E.g. An entirely British person who in 1994, on realising that England had not made it to the soccer World Cup, had no one to cheer for and found green blood in their veins for as long as Republic of Ireland were still in with a chance.

What happened to your England shirt, you plastic paddy?
No, I'm Irish. Honest.
On which side?
Err... both. My Mum's cousin's got an Irish setter and my Dad was conceived in the County Kilburn. Guinness spritzer with a dash of Baileys please barman, cheers. Bejazus!

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

Mockintosh

Noun, adjective. Any item of reproduction furniture or tourist souvenir which is made in the STYLE of the designer Charles Rennie MacKintosh but is just a cheap rip-off of the great man's work. Edinburgh gift shops are full of this rubbish, always cheaply made and ill-proportioned.
Helpfully contains the words 'mock' (mimic) and 'tosh' (nonsense).

'I love those dining chairs with the grid of squares in the very high back.'
'Don't go there, dear. They're mockintosh. Made in Luton from stacking palettes.'

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

permatan

The condition of a white person having tanned skin all the year round. There are two forms:
1) Rock star; TV personality; model; other wealthy person to whom an appearance of wellbeing is an inherent part of their lifestyle. Condition obtained by chasing the Summer round the globe. Looks natural.
2) Chav; trailer trash; mediocre prostitute; middle-aged woman who wears leather trousers. Condition obtained through roasting one's skin under a UV lamp. Result looks a bizarre shade of orange and ages the skin prematurely.

Jason "What's that big white ring among the wrinkles on the side of your neck?"
Shaz "Oh shit! I forgot to take my giant hoop earrings off when I was getting my permatan."

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

NW Twee

Proper noun: Hampstead. An area of North West London covered by postcode area NW3. Hampstead is populated largely by moneyed liberals, champagne socialists and aged ex-hippies which results in taste and style choices that are annoyingly twee. NW3 + twee = NW Twee.
Pronounced 'enn double you twee'.

"Tarquin and I are torn between renaming him 'Life' and 'Cactus'. It needs to be something that expresses his masculinity yet - bugger! He's puked his yak cheese and aniseed brûlé all over my pashmina shawl."
"Bloody hell Saskya, you're so NW Twee!"

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005