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McCririck's unlucky Laundress's definitions

sausage muncher

Noun: a German person. kraut fritz squarehead.
All my material fell flatter than a witches tit last night - there was a big crowd of sausage munchers in - and now they've taken all the sun loungers.
mugGet the sausage munchermug.

Flatter than a witch's tit

Adjective. Extremely flat. A witch is traditionally considered not to be the model of fertility and, as such to be less than buxom.
Norfolk is a very windy county but that is not surprising -it is flatter than a witch's tit.
I turned the key but, having left the radio on all night the battery was as flat as a witch's tit.
mugGet the Flatter than a witch's titmug.

Pengé

Proper noun: Frenchified form of Penge, a south London suburb which is full of pikeys and as rough as a badger's arse. It has recently enjoyed an influx of gentrifiers who are desperately talking the area up. If pronounced 'ponjay' (with a very soft 'j') an estate agent will add £2500 to the price of your crack den with a blocked toilet.
Laurent and Guy bake these oat-sprinkled baguettes every morning in their boulangerie in the bohemian quarter of Pengé.
Mmmm. Such a wealthy bouquet. Wait! They're identical to the ones I buy from Tesceaux in Croix Nouveau!
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 10, 2005
mugGet the Pengémug.

Shed

Noun, singular or collective: A chain (or single branch of a chain) of large DIY warehouse shops occupying ugly, aircraft-hangar-like buildings - sheds. Wickes, Homebase, B&Q are sheds.
That little ironmongers on the corner didn't have one.
You'll have to go to one of the sheds then.
Yeah, but they'll only sell me a packet of 20 and charge me an arm and a leg.
mugGet the Shedmug.

near beer

Noun: London police slang for a crummy dive in which unwitting male tourists are promised a good time with a hot babe. They must order a drink from these unlicenced premises but get charged hundreds of pounds for a soft drink. Victims are often frog-marched to cash machines by heavies. Needless to say, the babe doesn't provide any action, just sits there.
Drink your tea, were going to bust a near beer in Brewer Street.
OK, Shall I grab a Transit van and 2 Serbo-Croat translators?

The Kinks classic 'Lola' is set in a near-beer.
I Met her in a club down in old Soho
Where they drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry-cola...
...Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola.
mugGet the near beermug.

Milk of amnesia

Noun: Alcohol. A drink which, if consumed in sufficient quantities makes you forget large episodes of your life. A popular phrase due to its assonance with the patent medicine 'Milk of Magnesia'.
"...and while dancing you unzipped her dress and pulled it to the floor. Then you pissed in the bride's champagne glass and honked up all over the cake."
"Yes, I remember every bit of that. Just tell me how come I woke up this morning in the driver's seat of my car outside my house?"
"Put it down to the milk of amnesia."
mugGet the Milk of amnesiamug.

Prima donald

Noun: A male exhibiting the behaviour of a prima donna.
Terence is having a tantrum over the Perrier not being room temperature.
Typical prima donald.
mugGet the Prima donaldmug.

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