Mai Ainsel's definitions

Hajj Flu

The cough/cold/flu everyone gets after going to Hajj, because you're stuffed up close with people from every corner of the world, and one of them is gonna have whatever flu virus it is that you aren't immune to

"I just got back from Hajj and I'm in bed with Hajj flu."

by Mai Ainsel February 8, 2020

favor sharking

Doing an unasked-for favor for someone, and then using it to try and guilt them into doing something for you.

Sam: "So Bob shows up at my house randomly with some brown bananas and is like 'hey, you can use these to make banana bread,' and I'm like 'uh, ok, I don't really bake but thanks,' and then he invites himself in for an hour and asks to borrow $300."

Joe: "That's some prime favor sharking right there. But my mother in law is worse. She keeps buying us weird vases and knick-knacks we don't need and then calls us ungrateful if we don't spend hours on the phone with her saying thank you and talking about where we'll put them in the house. We keep asking her to stop but she won't.

by Mai Ainsel June 17, 2020

go off, I guess

Sort of like "you do you," but with a strong implication that you're talking out of your ass. Basically "you're an idiot and what you're saying is stupid, if you want to keep going I guess I won't stop you."

Bob: "The world is run by lizard people."

Sue: "There's no such thing as lizard people, but go off, I guess."

by Mai Ainsel July 1, 2020

dickful thinking

A pun on "wishful thinking," it's when a man lets his own sexual interest in someone strongly color his judgement regarding the person's reciprocal interest in him. It makes him interpret every gesture from his object of interest as a come on, even when it clearly isn't. This is known as clitful thinking if it's a woman.

Him: "So the new hot intern says 'good morning' to me when she comes in to work, and once commented on my desk picture of my kids - said they were cute. She's totally into me. I'm gonna try and hook up with her at the office party."

Friend: "I get that it's been tough for your after the divorce, but that's just dickful thinking. She's not into you, now stop before you get an HR complaint."

OR

Him: "Pete high-fived me at the trivia night - I'll bet he's secretly gay and would let me blow him."

Friend: "You have no gaydar and a bad case of dickful thinking. The boy's straight."

by Mai Ainsel February 23, 2020

Not everyone can eat sandwiches

Pointless nitpicking of a solution - especially with a cover of SJW-style pretentiousness masked as inclusivity. Like if someone had responded to "maybe I'll provide sandwiches for the office lunch," with "not everyone can eat sandwiches - what if they can't lift the bread with their hands because they're disabled, or what if their religion forbids sandwiches, or what if sandwiches are a trigger?"

Sue: "So I suggested maybe the girls from bookclub would like a movie night to see the film of the book we just read, and Karen kept going on about how we needed to check to make sure there weren't any triggers in the movie, and see if we needed to post a flashing-lights warning."

Bob: "Does anyone in the bookclub actually need that?"

Sue: "No. She just likes being a Not Everyone Can Eat Sandwiches pain in the ass."

Bob: "I hear you. I got a guy at the office who says it would be unfair to offer team lunches as a reward for people because it excludes those who practice intermittent fasting. We don't even have anyone that does that - but hey, he says one day we might, and then that person might feel excluded."

by Mai Ainsel April 7, 2021

Whomst

Hard to explain. Basically means "who/whom" but with an implied "like I give a fuck" at the end.

Bob: "We better get out of here before the teacher catches us."
Joe: "Whomst?"
Bob: "You're right, who gives a shit?"

Suzy: "Oh look, Jane, your ex-boyfriend's at the club as well."
Jane: "Whomst?"
Suzy: "Hell yeah, girl! To hell with him."

by Mai Ainsel December 17, 2020

Monkey Branching

Getting your next relationship set up before dumping your current S/O. Generally involves cheating (at least emotionally) on your current partner with the intended future partner. Refers to playing on the monkeybars, where you don't let go of the first bar until you've grabbed on the second.

Bill: "Well, your brother just sent the Save The Dates for his third marriage - they haven't even finalized the divorce yet!"

Joe: "Yeah, the monkey branching SOB did the same for his second marriage as well - all his relationships 'overlap,' if ya know what I mean."

OR

Joe: "Sue and I decided to try an open relationship."

Bill: "I dunno, sounds like she's monkey branching to her *next* relationship."

by Mai Ainsel March 25, 2022