Mai Ainsel's definitions

dickful thinking

A pun on "wishful thinking," it's when a man lets his own sexual interest in someone strongly color his judgement regarding the person's reciprocal interest in him. It makes him interpret every gesture from his object of interest as a come on, even when it clearly isn't. This is known as clitful thinking if it's a woman.

Him: "So the new hot intern says 'good morning' to me when she comes in to work, and once commented on my desk picture of my kids - said they were cute. She's totally into me. I'm gonna try and hook up with her at the office party."

Friend: "I get that it's been tough for your after the divorce, but that's just dickful thinking. She's not into you, now stop before you get an HR complaint."

OR

Him: "Pete high-fived me at the trivia night - I'll bet he's secretly gay and would let me blow him."

Friend: "You have no gaydar and a bad case of dickful thinking. The boy's straight."

by Mai Ainsel February 23, 2020

favor sharking

Doing an unasked-for favor for someone, and then using it to try and guilt them into doing something for you.

Sam: "So Bob shows up at my house randomly with some brown bananas and is like 'hey, you can use these to make banana bread,' and I'm like 'uh, ok, I don't really bake but thanks,' and then he invites himself in for an hour and asks to borrow $300."

Joe: "That's some prime favor sharking right there. But my mother in law is worse. She keeps buying us weird vases and knick-knacks we don't need and then calls us ungrateful if we don't spend hours on the phone with her saying thank you and talking about where we'll put them in the house. We keep asking her to stop but she won't.

by Mai Ainsel June 17, 2020

Friendzone Predator

Someone who pretends to be your friend in the hopes that they can eventually manipulate your friendly attachment to them into a romantic relationship

"Bob keeps pretending to be friends with girls, then passive-aggressively trying to guilt them into dating him because he's such a Nice Guy. He's a real friendzone predator."

by Mai Ainsel June 28, 2020

go off, I guess

Sort of like "you do you," but with a strong implication that you're talking out of your ass. Basically "you're an idiot and what you're saying is stupid, if you want to keep going I guess I won't stop you."

Bob: "The world is run by lizard people."

Sue: "There's no such thing as lizard people, but go off, I guess."

by Mai Ainsel July 1, 2020

Malicious Over-Compliance

A variation of malicious compliance where you respond (or offer to respond) with way more than what was asked of you, in order to try and pressure the asker to back off.

Sue: "So I told my husband I wasn't ok with him staying at his ex-girlfriend's house when he visited her town," and he was like, 'fine, I'll never hang out alone with any female friend - ever - if that's what it takes for you to trust me'!"

Sam: "That's some grade-A malicious over-compliance. My Mom's the queen of it. I told her I didn't have time to talk for 3 hours on the phone every day and she goes 'oh I'm so sorry, I'll stop bothering you with my sad, boring life - I'll never demand speak to you again... but perhaps you would allow me a 2-minute call on my birthdays and maybe Christmas?' Like, geez, lady!"

Kid: "Bye Dad, I'm gonna hang out with some older guys in a parking lot."

Sam: "No you're not - it's 10:30pm on a school night ."

Kid: "Fine, I guess I'll just stay home all day every day and never do anything but study and pray!"

Sam: "That's nice, kid - now do your homework." *turns to Sue* "Yeah, my daughter apparently inherited the malicious over compliance talent from gran-gran. I was sort hoping she'd get Mom's singing talent, but nooo... just the theater drama."

by Mai Ainsel July 9, 2020

Monkey Branching

Getting your next relationship set up before dumping your current S/O. Generally involves cheating (at least emotionally) on your current partner with the intended future partner. Refers to playing on the monkeybars, where you don't let go of the first bar until you've grabbed on the second.

Bill: "Well, your brother just sent the Save The Dates for his third marriage - they haven't even finalized the divorce yet!"

Joe: "Yeah, the monkey branching SOB did the same for his second marriage as well - all his relationships 'overlap,' if ya know what I mean."

OR

Joe: "Sue and I decided to try an open relationship."

Bill: "I dunno, sounds like she's monkey branching to her *next* relationship."

by Mai Ainsel March 25, 2022

Jesus Cheater

A publicly devout man or woman who uses their pious reputation to aid in cheating on their partners. Can be either using the excuse of church activities or "ministering" to folk as a cover for their trysts, or making ostentatious public displays of religious contrition to rehabilitate their image after being caught.

Sue: "Wow, Bob's really involved in the Church Choir."
Sam: "Involved with 3 separate women in the choir while his wife watches the kids at home is more like it - he's such a Jesus Cheater."

OR

Sally: "After much prayer, I know that God has forgiven me for my mistakes. I'll pray that he helps you open your heart to his will and find forgiveness as well."

Sally's Husband: "Don't try that Jesus Cheater shit on me! You've been fucking that douche Bob from choir - we're getting a divorce!"

by Mai Ainsel July 25, 2021