Lord Grimcock's definitions

cock succour

To help, give aid to or ease the life of a male bird or fowl.

A: I found this crippled bantam on Wansbeck Road and have spent the last 2 months nursing him back to health.

B: What an grandmaster of cock succour you truly are.

by Lord Grimcock August 5, 2008

slotbadger

A paedophile, a nonce, a kiddy-fiddler. Lifted from Chris Morris' Brass Eye special.

Between you an' me and these four walls, Greville Janner is an unreclaimed slotbadger.

by Lord Grimcock September 13, 2007

fuppie

Scottish. Affectionately descriptive of a lady's sexual furniture.

Scot: Fock me, hinnie, yeir fuppie's leik a moose's ear.

RP: Good lord, my dear. What an exceptionally well-appointed vulva you do have.

by Lord Grimcock August 24, 2007

gleet

British. Ball glaze, pre-cum. The few clear drops of fluid that struggle past the Jap's eye during sexual stimulus, prefiguring the blowing of the gentleman's stack. Nature's none-too-efficient lubricant.

Despite a generous yield of gleet I ended up with terrible friction burns. That's the last time I fuck a book of carpet samples.

by Lord Grimcock September 13, 2007

spenk

Wearside. Descriptive of a gimp; one who is something of a gonk.

Not a term I ever heard before I started working in Sunderland, but I was called it there on a daily basis.

Hawaire man Charlie y'fuckin spenk.

by Lord Grimcock August 25, 2007

cuntware

A piece of software so useless, intrusive, poorly-conceived, designed and/or supported one forms the opinion that everyone who was involved in its creation, marketing and distribution is a cunt.

Norton Anti-Virus is the archetype of cuntware.

by Lord Grimcock November 6, 2007

Catterick condom

The one failsafe method of birth control, much favoured between military types in the eponymous Yorkshire garrison town. See also: Colchester condom.

Now you will be wearing a Catterick condom when I meet you behind the barrack block tonight, won't you lieutenant?

by Lord Grimcock January 5, 2008