JustAnotherGuy's definitions

Just-In-Case Christian

What people who don't think they need to be forgiven for anything call people who think they'll be forgiven for everything. Normally it's fun to point out hypocrisy, but when the person doing so is being a hypocrite in the process, it threatens to break the Logical Shitstorm Continuum.

"Godless people like to point out all the just-in-case Christians, yet they're no better since they don't think they require forgiveness for anything. Must be nice to always have a clear conscience because you're your own god."

by JustAnotherGuy February 3, 2010

Logical Shitstorm Continuum

The Logical Shitstorm Continuum basically amounts to a giant "tank" where all the stupidest, most nonsensical and illogical things that people think, say, and do are being stored by God for the day when He gets to point out what a bunch of fucking assholes the lot of us are and how lucky we are that He forgives us for it. When this "tank" finally hits full, the Apocalypse will begin, the world will end, and a whole lot of people are going to say, "Wow, not only is there a God, but He really did keep track of every stupid thing I said and did."

It also serves as a storage facility for every one of Will Ferrell's movies, though this is keeping in line with the preceding definition.

"Think twice about making that speech, Mr. President. It threatens to break the Logical Shitstorm Continuum, and you don't want that to mark the end of your presidency."

"A new Will Ferrell movie was released this weekend, and the United Nations was relived to find that the Logical Shitstorm Continuum has remained intact."

by JustAnotherGuy February 3, 2010

We Need to Sit Down and Think About This

A very long, profound way of saying, "Let's have a 3-hour meeting about how to do 5 minutes' worth of work."

Bob: "Should I book the grant money at quarter end or a third each month?"

Bob's Boss: "Well that might have an effect when we try to qualify the income. If the Board can't correlate the paradigm shift correctly, they might not be able to understand how we cross-mapped the budget and the actuals. We need to sit down and think about this."

Bob: "I should've just fucking posted it."

by JustAnotherGuy February 3, 2010

Queen of Hearts

The worst kind of friend, the Queen of Hearts refers to any woman who tries to upstage the bride at a wedding by wearing something unbelievably eye-catching - typically "that sexy red dress" or something similar. The Queen of Hearts is a total cunt, and if anyone pulled a similar move at her wedding it would likely trigger the apocalypse. The best way to deal with the Queen of Hearts is to inform her - in the center of the dance floor with everyone watching - that the bachelor party is in the next room over. Failing that, you can always resort to hitting her with an Assembly-safe Shuriken.

"We went to Dan and Molly's wedding Saturday, and her friend Mora pulled a total Queen of Hearts - she showed up in a red dress with more frills than a Congressman's health insurance."

by JustAnotherGuy March 30, 2010

Rhode Island Sunday

Better known as Saturday to the rest of the world, on Rhode Island Sunday all the drunks and old people come out of the woodwork to make sure those with lives can't get anywhere without at least a 45-minute commute. The methodology is comprised of several art forms, including the Rhode Island Roadblock, the Rhode Island Rubberneck, and the Flashing-Lights Brake-dance.

The scariest part of Rhode Island Sunday is that when compounded with an actual Sunday, the Rhode Island Sunday drivers and the *real* Sunday drivers are all on the road together, thus creating the greatest clusterfuck this side of Los Angeles.

"We're going to see Tom Petty at the Comcast Center, but the concert's on a Rhode Island Sunday so we have to leave an extra hour early."

by JustAnotherGuy March 8, 2010

Flashing-lights Brake-dance

The result of a police officer pulling someone over for a traffic violation in Rhode Island. All the people in the state have to stop - not slow down, but fully stop - as they pass the vehicle that's been pulled over to see if it's someone they know. And thus, a single state trooper pulling over someone for speeding during rush hour can grind traffic on the interstate to a complete halt for more than fifteen minutes.

"My commute home should only take 20 minutes, but never takes less than an hour because of the Flashing-lights Brake-dance and the fact that people forget where the fuck Route 4 is every afternoon."

by JustAnotherGuy March 8, 2010

Rhode Island Traffic Report

Something so fucking predictable they could just record it and play the same tape over and over every day. It's always exactly the same, and ignores anything not within a 2-mile radius of the center of Providence.

"95 North is slow between Thurber's Avenue and the State Offices Exit, 195-westbound is backed up from Broadway to the I-95 split, 95 South is slow from Atwells Avenue to the 146-merge, 146 South you're on your brakes from Admiral Street to the 95 merge, and the 6-10 Connector is backed up to Dean Street...I'm Jim Stearns with your Wheelock Auto Rhode Island Traffic Report."

by JustAnotherGuy March 8, 2010