Grant Rampus's definitions

Line of Liability

The hospital’s invisible line outside the main lobby doors where they wheel their patients to after they are discharged. Utterly nervous that the discharged patient will slip and fall before they exit the hospital, a collective sigh of relief by the hospital lawyers after the patient has been wheeled to the line of liability, steps out of the wheelchair, and walks away.

The hospital staff gingerly helped the discharged patient exit out of the wheelchair and take a step over the Line of Liability. The patient could have collapsed after that and crawled to their car, but it wouldn’t matter; they had crossed the Line of Liability.

by Grant Rampus March 8, 2022

Donation wall of shame

Adorning the wall of a hospital main lobby, the donation wall of shame outlines for patients and visitors alike how much individuals and corporations have donated to the already tax-free hospital. Shamefully categorizes the donors into patronizing names such as “gold donor” and “friend.”

The donation wall of shame at St. Agnes Memorial Hospital always greeted visitors with a reminder of how strategic Home Depot was with their tax write-off, but also how cheap the other businesses were in town.

by Grant Rampus September 22, 2019

Holiday tip

The dreaded tip expectation that comes during the Christmas holiday season and is expected by every service provider, from the mailman to the hair stylist. Confusion abounds on who is actually worthy of this extra tip, how much, and when the cut off date is. More specifically, there is a magical day in December (before Christmas) when there is an understanding that it’s the usual tip and one hasn’t crossed the threshold of holiday tipping. Generally thought to be December 15th.

Jimmy raced to the barber to get his haircut on December 15th, knowing that the holiday tip expectation was upon him.

by Grant Rampus December 10, 2019

Divorried

That post-divorce phase where you're past all the bullshit of child support, new spouses, etc. and can stand your ex-spouse again.

I was surprised to see Bill actually talking to Susan in her driveway when he was picking the kids up for the weekend.

That's because Bill and Susan are divorried now.

by Grant Rampus July 24, 2016

Father’s Day

The one day a year the father is actually honored by his family and given a 24 hour pass to relax and not dole out money to his ungrateful kids or spend his entire weekend with a list of chores from his wife.

“Honey, I need you to clean out the garage after you mow the lawn. Oh wait, it’s Father’s Day, isn’t it? You can do those chores next weekend along with other ones I’ll have added to your list.

by Grant Rampus June 20, 2021

Landlord white

The universal paint color a landlord sprays on the walls of an apartment between tenants. Apparently blind to any of the hundreds of colors available, a landlord will universally choose “landlord white” harboring under the delusion that is what most tenants would choose if they had a choice.

Landlord: “I gave the apartment a fresh coat of paint before you move in.”
Tenant: “Let me guess: landlord white?”

by Grant Rampus November 28, 2020

8 9 10 Rule

Standard calling etiquette needed for morons who would otherwise call people at any hour of the day. Monday - Friday you don’t call someone before 8am, Saturday before 9am, or Sunday before 10am.

Bob was awakened by his cell phone ringing at 6:43am. It was his drunk buddy Dale returning Bob’s call from yesterday. Clearly Dale needed to enroll at phone etiquette school to understand the 8 9 10 rule.

by Grant Rampus January 28, 2023