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Definitions by Emerson Crossjostle

off the twitter 

I've been off the twitter lately. Kinda taking a break from social media for awhile.

old people upsetting

can mean upsetting old people for fun,

or the feeling you get from watching old people being frisky
It's fun like old people upsetting, not like having fun old people upsetting.

Love Scopes

astrology horoscopes that specifically focus on the relationship compatibility between people based on their Zodiac signs
Thanks to social media, I can read my love scopes every day instead of having to wait for the new local weekly to come out.

urbdict induct 

newly submitted words and terms are officially awarded this as soon as the great Urban Dictionary editors grant them their approval
When a term is accepted by UD editors (who are so sexy) for inclusion in Urban Dictionary, it is said to have received an 'urbdict induct'.

mashed couch potatoes

Oftentimes what you'll find left behind after a tornado and a trailer park merge.
It's a simple recipe. Only 2 ingredients are needed to make mashed couch potatoes: a tornado and a trailer park

You don't even need to add the tornado, though.
Just let the trailer park attract it.

Bunnypants 

A once-popular nickname for a certain ex-president, based on a photoshopped picture of him wearing a bunny outfit instead of his Mission Accomplished flight suit.
When the teacher asked the child who was president before Barack Obama, she answered, "Bunnypants," because that's what her parents had always called him.

playing fetch 

TV's on. Wasn't paying attention. Realized I've been ignoring golf, not soccer*. What is with these people playing fetch with their balls?

*world football (whatever)