Emerson Crossjostle's definitions

Asshole Fractal

The coordinated team effort by all the inanimate objects around you to completely and totally fuck with a person for no apparent reason other than their own amusement.

I believe it was Mandelbrot who forgot to warn us of the Africanized bee-swarming, black cloud-ish shit storm where inanimate objects all collude to fuck with us when they're bored. It's called the asshole fractal.

by Emerson Crossjostle March 9, 2013

helmet helmet

what a helmet wears for protection

If I was a helmet, I'd wear a helmet helmet, too.

by Emerson Crossjostle March 9, 2013

Congressional confessional

when our elected officials, in a rare moment of clarity, secretly admit they're incompetent

Behind VOID tramp-stamped foreheads residing inside dumb asses, vacuums become self-aware.

“We suck at this.” ~Congressional confessional

by Emerson Crossjostle March 12, 2013

Hell is for Mildred

what your grandma believed when she died because that's what you told her

I told grandma, "Hell is for Mildred," because that's what I thought Pat Benatar said. By the time I realized it was a song about children, my poor granny Mildred was dead.

by Emerson Crossjostle March 10, 2013

Seed Library

The section in some public libraries where you can use your library card to check out heirloom (local) seeds, with the implied promise that if your gardening efforts are successful, you'll replace the seeds you 'borrowed' from the Seed Library by agreeing to give them some of the seeds that your new plants produced.

My public library now has a Seed Library inside which lets me check out packets of local seeds. It's made it super easy for me to grow salad greens and eat healthy for free.

by Emerson Crossjostle March 11, 2013

Love Scopes

astrology horoscopes that specifically focus on the relationship compatibility between people based on their Zodiac signs

Thanks to social media, I can read my love scopes every day instead of having to wait for the new local weekly to come out.

by Emerson Crossjostle March 19, 2013

urbdicted

where the misspelled version of a word appears at top of Google because it was first defined on Urban Dictionary

An example of an urbdicted word is burritagasm. It's the combination of the word 'burrito' and 'orgasm'.

by Emerson Crossjostle March 9, 2013