Carl Willis's definitions

skateboard

n. A four-wheeled board used for personal transportation, and as an instrument for denting railings, grinding stairways, chipping benches, and committing other acts of vandalism against public property.

"You get that skateboard off of my property, you filthy little pot-smoking delinquent! Or I'll call your mama up so she can give you a spanking!"

by Carl Willis October 12, 2004

neckitude

n. The propensity to exhibit attitudes, behaviors, or mannerisms associated with the common redneck(Ignoramus americanus).

"On the drive over here, a trucker on the Interstate hurled a beer can full of urine out his window--talk about sheer neckitude!"

"Crikey, this breeding-age male specimen is just bristling with neckitude kids! You can tell just by looking that he was born and raised in West Texas, attends a Creationist Baptist church, and voted for Dubya. The plumage is another feature we should not ignore: note the mullet and the Confederate battle flag on his trucker hat. Awwww, I think th' bloody brute's got a shotgun! Let's get away before he tries to defend his territory."

by Carl Willis December 12, 2005

get your shit in one sock

v. To "get your shit in one sock" means to get organized, to "pull yourself together," to regain your composure. Having to use more than one sock to hold a given volume of feces is considered wasteful and inefficient, if by careful planning a single sock would do the trick. Thus, the essence of this phrase is a metaphor for thriftiness.

"Listen: you've been absent from class five days, you never turn in your homework on time, you refuse to take your Ritalin like a good boy, and your foul language is out of control! It is time to sit down one-on-one with the guidance counselor and get your shit in one sock, young man."

by Carl Willis November 7, 2005

iced out

adj. Used in reference to a decorative or jewelry item containing a prolific quantity of diamonds ("ice"). Connotes an ostentatious display of material wealth accumulated through slangin' crack, pimpin' 'hoes, hustlin' at the swap meet, MCing, and not paying chile support to tha baby's mamas!

Montrel was all frontin' his shit for the ladies like he's Mr. President or something, 'til I step in sportin' an iced out 24-karat Rolex on BOFE arms! Dayyumn, nigga, guess who got the booty now.

by Carl Willis August 4, 2004

mtvu

(Proper noun / registered trademark) Music TeleVision for Universities. Insufferable pop trash and advertisement network that relentlessly targets the college student audience. MTVU especially tries to cultivate a loyal following from the Spring-Break Party Animals and Trendy Airheads, both of whom comprise the vast majority of the college demographic these days. The whole point of MTVU is to make money, of course. By negotiating contracts to have their inane audiovisual sewage piped into college cafeterias and similar public places on campus, MTVU hopes to brainwash its captive audience into a bunch of pop-culture-crazed, money-spending zombies.

Please see a mental health professional if you are regularly exposed to MTVU at school.

After a year of exposure to MTVU, Derek gave up studying, threw away his bluegrass records and replaced them with 50 Cent, went on a month-long drunken spring break in Cancun, became a bitch for Abercrombie, started dating promiscuous airheaded cheerleaders, bought a Hummer with his parents' money, and entered the wasted brotherhood of Sigma Upsilon Kappa. In short...they won his soul.

by Carl Willis November 9, 2004

gallows bird

n. A defendant who is certain to be condemned to death with no chance of pardon or reprieve.

"Down here in Macomb, Alabama, we knowed that nigra-boy Tom Robinson was a gallows bird 'fore the trial even got started."




(Two lawyers at lunch)
Lawyer #1: Let's see, we have Alan Lee Davis for kidnapping and murder first degree, LaShawndra Simmons for distributing crack rock, and BraNell Wallace for grand theft of some rims, apparently.

Lawyer #2: We shouldn't take Davis. Let's be honest--he's a gallows bird. Folks hate him and the DA has an open-and-shut case.

by Carl Willis December 2, 2004

check your neck

A warning that you are acting suspiciously like a redneck, and that with a little critical self-evaluation you might save yourself some embarrassment. For instance, if you have always been an alright guy but find yourself coming down with a NASCAR-watching habit and are voting for evangelical Republicans, it's high time to "check your neck."

You: "Supper tonight is o-possum with gravy and freedom fries. Praise Jesus."

Me: "'Freedom fries?' 'o-possum?' Uh, I think you need to check your neck there Bubba!"

by Carl Willis January 18, 2005