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Carl Willis's definitions

skateboard

n. A four-wheeled board used for personal transportation, and as an instrument for denting railings, grinding stairways, chipping benches, and committing other acts of vandalism against public property.
"You get that skateboard off of my property, you filthy little pot-smoking delinquent! Or I'll call your mama up so she can give you a spanking!"
by Carl Willis October 12, 2004
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Hello Kitty

n. A Japanese psychological mass-casualty weapon, developed by scientists at the Sanrio Corporation; unleashed upon humanity in 1974 with the goal of subjugating the planet under Japanese imperial rule.

Nobody knows how Hello Kitty works, but there is no denying the tragic consequences of its use: millions of fad-crazed zombies (the "Wapanese") now trod the earth, their rational faculties obliterated by an overpowering instinct to embrace Japanese pop culture. Furthermore, they sap the economies of the Western nations by purchasing boundless amounts of worthless Japanese kitsch. With proof of the Kitty's efficacy, the Japanese have subsequently deployed even more potent mind-control weapons, including Pokemon and Dragonball Z.

Doctors warn that even low-level exposure to Hello Kitty may cause a perfectly sound mind to crack. Anyone who accidently catches sight of this Kitty (an anthropomorphic cat having a hairbow and no mouth) is advised to seek psychotherapy at once and to report the sighting to the U.S. Department of Homeland Security for immediate liquidation.
"The people of the United States have already formed their opinions regarding Hello Kitty, and well understand the implication to the very life and safety of our nation."
by Carl Willis January 12, 2005
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iced out

adj. Used in reference to a decorative or jewelry item containing a prolific quantity of diamonds ("ice"). Connotes an ostentatious display of material wealth accumulated through slangin' crack, pimpin' 'hoes, hustlin' at the swap meet, MCing, and not paying chile support to tha baby's mamas!
Montrel was all frontin' his shit for the ladies like he's Mr. President or something, 'til I step in sportin' an iced out 24-karat Rolex on BOFE arms! Dayyumn, nigga, guess who got the booty now.
by Carl Willis August 4, 2004
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spamlist

n. A list of email addresses, usually obtained illegally, to which a spammer distributes his spam. The spammer optimistically calls these addresses "leads" and may pay several hundred dollars for a list of good leads such as eBay or AOL users.
"If you do not remove me from your spamlist in the next 24 hours, I'm gonna come down there and flay you to death with a power sander."
by Carl Willis February 27, 2005
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Chicago Typewriter

n. A Thompson submachine gun, as used by Prohibition-era gangsters. So-named because the sound of a Tommy being fired in the distance resembled the sound of typing on a typewriter, and because the weapon was in popular use throughout south-side Chicago in Al Capone's day.
Vinnie always wrote his enemies on a Chicago typewriter.
by Carl Willis August 25, 2004
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the Res

Bill got a liquor license for his shop down on the Res, and needless to say, he ain't doing too bad!

All the casinos are down on the Res.
by Carl Willis August 27, 2004
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showed up

ALSO: sho'd up
adj. (from pp. of rarely-used SHOW UP)

To have humiliated or outclassed another with superior demonstration of skill.
Masta C-Dub bust out last night wif some dat smoove freestylin,' and he done showed up all them wiggas, fo sho!
by Carl Willis January 28, 2004
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