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Brett Burkhardt's definitions

tab abuse

When you pick up the tab for someone and their simple request turns into a dozen expensive things.
"When we go to the bar and he picks up the tab he limits us to tap beer but when I pick up the tab he insists on getting $10 martinis."
"That us such tab abuse, tell his ass he can buy his own drinks."

A common tab abuse situation.
"I forgot my purse at home, will you buy me a pack of gum and maybe a pack of smokes?"
"Sure."
"Sweet! In that case, I also need another pack of smokes, two frozen pizzas, some chips, a six pack, a box of tampons, and a bottle of vodka...oh and some orange juice..."
by Brett Burkhardt May 12, 2008
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Name Nabber

A customer who demands on getting your name even though you’ve already told them and you’re wearing a name tag because they want to bitch about shit that never happened or things that they imagined.
Mr. Gonzalez was a major name nabber. He’ll write that shit down and then bitch about you to a manager 3 weeks later for some made up bullshit.

Sheila knew the customer was a name nabber so she told him that her name was Sharon.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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whorephan

One who has been left behind at the bar by a friend and/or ride so that they can hook up. Also known as being whorephaned.
The bartender knew that the chunky girl with the hot friend was going to be a whorephan by midnight the second they walked up to the bar.
by Brett Burkhardt March 9, 2008
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Release the Beast

Usually used when fighting or about to fight, in this case it is used when hanging up on a rude or abusive caller. Can be used as a passive aggressive weapon if calls are being monitored or if a manager is nearby and you don't want them to hear you rip said caller a new asshole
If this bitch raises her voice to me again, I'll release the beast and hang up on her ass.

"So then I told her that we don't allow non-service dogs in this hotel and she flipped out on me, calling me a cunt and all this other shit."
"What did you do?"
"I released the beast. I wasn't going to stand there listing to someone scream at me over shit I don't control."
by Brett Burkhardt May 12, 2008
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Purse Pooch

A small annoying dog that annoying girls carry around in their ugly over priced purses.
Kara has a purse pooch that she dresses up in tiny feather boas and tiaras.

“If that purse pooch yips one more damn time I swear to Jesus I’m going to use it to beat her owner to death.”
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Exposure Disclosure

When you need to notify someone that they may have been exposed to an STD.
Rick didn’t mind working for the county health dept but he hated having to try and give exposure disclosures when all he had to work with were screen names.

Mrs. Manners says, if you’re going to make an exposure disclosure you should at least have the balls to do it by phone.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Pull a Palin

To avoid answering questions directly because you don't know the answer, or you don't want the person to talking to knowing the real answer, and talking about another subject you do know something about, or something to flatter or distract the other person, instead. Also resorting to speaking in talking points, folksy colloquialisms, or buzz words to avoid answering questions while trying to look like you know what you're talking about and to keep from having to give an honest or valid answer.
"I didn't do any research for my oral report on raising chickens so I pulled a Palin and started talking about how to make fried chicken."

"I knew that car salesman was full of crap when he pulled a Palin on every question I asked about the car. The last straw was when I asked him about gas mileage and he just said, 'Little lady, I can tell you all day about how few times you'll need to take this pony to the trough but we ought to close the barn door on it before some eagle eye rustles it up from ya. Why don't we just talk about it in the office while I get the papers ready' I ran as fast as I could.

"When I asked my boyfriend about the rumor he was doing gay porn, he pulled a Palin and mumbled something about my friends trying to pull a smear campaign."

"If he asks you what you were doing afternoon, pull a Palin and talk about your new car and how cute his kids are."
by Brett Burkhardt January 16, 2009
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