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Brett Burkhardt's definitions

Whisper War

Using gossip and slander to stir shit up.
Ever since Casey got a raise, Missy has been waging a whisper war about him all over the office.

“If that bitch thinks she’s going to start a whisper war with me I’ll beat her ass after study hall.”
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Toilet Texting

"He sent me 20 texts today which is odd. He hardly ever texts and said he had the runs."
"I think he was toilet texting you."
"Gross!"
by Brett Burkhardt May 12, 2008
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Snowbird Shit

When you have to clean up the mess an old person makes when moving to or from the place where the live during the winter.

Can also be used when cleaning up any other sort of mess a snowbird makes in their migration like a car accident, when they forget what they ordered at a restaurant and then bitch that you brought the wrong thing, or even if their camper catches on fire and burns down half the camp ground. All of this and much more is snowbird shit.
Erik knew he was going to have to clean up a lot of snowbird shit with this bastard. He was demanding all sorts of fees waved because he was too stupid to have his bills forwarded to his winter address.

The traffic on the highway was backed up for miles because some old bitch in a Lincoln is driving down the center line at 7 miles an hour and she just won't pull over. This is some serious snowbird shit right here and if I'm late for work I'm going to scream
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Hold Hostage

When you’re waiting on hold for someone and know that the second you answer another call or check another line they’ll answer and hang up when you don’t answer right away.
I’ve been a hold hostage for 8 minutes now. I know that if that whore in accounts receivable picks up when I try and answer this other line she’ll disconnect.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Nutrition Nazi

Someone who insists on getting in everyone’s face and insulting and belittling them on their food choices.
“Oh, girl, I just watched a Nutrition Nazi rip some poor girl a new asshole for having a carton of non-soy milk in her cart at the grocery store!”
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Spelling Bee-otch

1. Someone who spells their name when they don’t need to, especially if they start using words. The words chosen are usually random or far more interesting than the person.

2. Someone who has a fucked up name but just won’t spell it and expects you to know how it should be spelled.
"My name is Pam Jones....That’s P-A-M....J-O-N-E-S." Said the spelling bee-otch

“My name is Joe Smith...J as in Jammin’, O as in Octopus, E as in Enlightenment....S as in Socialism, M as in Macho, I as in Illicit, T as in Tangerine, and H as in Heavenly”
“Sir, could you stop being a spelling bee-otch for one minute here.”

“My name is Jaxq Villaxiquocal.”
“Can you spell that please, Sir.”
“No, you should know how to spell that it’s a very simple name.”
“Well, if you’re going to be a spelling bee-otch I’m afraid that I just can’t help you today, sir.”
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Cassandra Claim

Named after the Greek prophetess. A way of saying “I told you so” or to remind people not to complain to your ass about shit because you warned them all about the problems you saw coming a mile away.
I filed a Cassandra Claim when you hired his dumb ass so don't start in with me. I told you he was a sticky fingered shifty bastard and you still hired him so it’s your fault that he stole over $9,000 worth of stock.

I’ve got a Cassandra Claim on your boyfriend cheating on you, Beth, because I warned your ass that I saw his car parked in front of the porn store just about every night on my way home from work.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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