Alex-2598's definitions

I Did Not Hit Her

1. It’s not true, it’s bullshit, I did not hit her, I did not.

{Oh hi Mark}

Friend 1 (has not seen The Room): I can’t believe they’re saying this about me, I did not hit her!

Friend 2 (has seen The Room): it’s not true, it’s bullshit, you did not hit her, you did not *limply throws water bottle*

Friend 1: Huhh??

Friend 3 (named Marcus) shows up randomly

Friend 1: Oh, hi Mark.

by Alex-2598 February 23, 2021

Rule 99

Hitler’s law

If it exists, Hitler has reacted to it (most likely the Downfall version of Hitler)

See also: Rule 99.9

If he has not yet reacted to it, he will

Videos or gifs of Hitler reacting to memes and pop culture that came into existence over 70 years after the fall of the Third Reich which in any event would have absolutely no relevance to an unhinged tyrant watching his world collapse around him is a perfect example of rule 99

Hitler reacts to the new Call of Duty - textbook rule 99

by Alex-2598 February 25, 2021

Hate the player

1. Not the game. The game may be unfair, but it is unfair for everybody. it is not the fault of the game that humans are infinitely fallible creatures who will seek to take advantage of its loopholes at every opportunity. Every person has a choice whether to engage in ethical behavior or not. One can take the easy way out, but there are no free passes for doing so.

2. If certain people have advantages, it still does not give them the right to abuse them. As a society, we have responsibilities to each other, to lift each other up rather than tear each other down. At heart, we are all capable of good, but too often we choose to see things in a zero-sum, win-lose dichotomy where the only thing that matters is getting ahead, and blaming the system is a convenient out. Using the system as an excuse is like saying the system allows us to buy guns, therefore you can’t be held responsible for murdering someone.

3. Your anger at a certain person for cheating or otherwise engaging in unscrupulous or immoral behavior is totally justified. Do not take it lying down, and don’t let them make excuses, you are worth far more than that.

4. Inversion of the popular idiom “Don’t hate the player, hate the game”.

People always tell me to hate the game, but the game didn’t wrong me, the game didn’t force people to do anything but exercise their own ethical judgement. Therefore, I reserve my right to hate the player.

by Alex-2598 February 26, 2021

Ken

By analogy with Ken of “Barbie and Ken” fame.

1. (Slang, potentially derogatory) The Prom King. The most popular guy in high school. The other half of the perfect couple (with the Prom Queen)

2. (Derogatory) A teenage boy who only dates stereotypical popular girls (“Barbies”)

2b. May also apply to a boy who constantly hits on these girls despite them being “out of his league”.

3. (Derogatory) A man who engages in the same behavior as sense 2 with stereotypically beautiful / ditzy women

3b. The same as sense 2b applied to a man

4. (Derogatory, offensive) An effeminate man

Those were the days when I had it all...star quarterback, dating the captain of the cheer squad, unanimously voted Prom King, all the geeks bowed down to me...yep, I was the Ken without a doubt.

by Alex-2598 February 27, 2021

Contronym

A word which is defined as both itself and the opposite of itself.

E.G

“Because of their oversight, Russia was sanctioned by NATO”

Can mean that Russia was given approval (sanctioned) by NATO because of their vigilance (oversight)

Or that Russia was punished (sanctioned) by NATO because they egregiously overlooked something (oversight)

Words that can perform or imply two directly contradictory actions are called contronyms

1. I clipped (attached) on a bow tie after I got my hair clipped (detached, cut off) at the barber shop

2. The House Oversight Committee’s role is to perform oversight (strenuous watchdog duties) by ensuring that no oversights (mistakes, errors) are made in the government

3. I screened (blocked) the light from my eyes so I could see the movie that was being screened (shown)

4. I was the latest to rent (buy) the apartment that my landlord had been renting (selling, leasing) for five years now

by Alex-2598 March 23, 2021

Anytwo five elevennis?

A common query in Victor Borge's inflationary language, in which all words with numbers in them have that number "increased" by one. A sentence like "You look wonderful tonight" becomes "You look twoderful threenight". "Anytwo five elevennis?" therefore translates into regular English as "Anyone for tennis?"

When we got to the country club, I was deflnined to see that the golf course was closed until Threesday, five I had really looked fiveward to hitting a hole in two. Luckily, my twoderful friend Knine pointed out that the elevennis court had opened at one o'clock noon. I was so thrilled that I gave her a high six and said "Anytwo five elevennis?"

by Alex-2598 April 6, 2021

Bill Clinton Gambit

A defense strategy where one seeks to extricate oneself from a bad situation by claiming to be innocent by (a usually absurd) technicality. Named for former US president Bill Clinton, who popularized this strategy in the 1990s with his creative explanations for how he didn't actually smoke weed because he didn't "inhale", and most infamously, how he didn't technically lie when he said there is no sexual relationship with Monica Lewinsky because "it depends on what the definition of "is" is."

Person 1: I just read an article about how Senator Rob Johnson claimed he didn't technically commit a crime by being involved in a plot to replace legitimate Electoral College electors with fraudulent ones in the 2020 election, because he was only involved for "a couple seconds"...

Person 2: A Republican using the Bill Clinton Gambit? Oh the sweet irony.

by Alex-2598 August 23, 2022