Pork Scotch Van 

A clapped-out white van driven by miserable little security guards. These vehicles are filthy and frequently break down. The fat driver will often try to save a parking place for himself by putting a traffic cone in the road outside his house. This annoying practice is best dealt with by rescuing the cone from the fat guy's possession and installing it in the back of a Maltby lorry two streets away.

What do you call a toilet on wheels?

A Pork Scotch van.

Pork Scotch Van by Lumpbag May 10, 2009

Scratching like a DJ

Female masturbation. Frigging the bean back and forth like a DJ scratching vinyl.

I walked in on my roommate scratching like a DJ last night.

I woke up so engorged and horny I had to scratch it like a dj.

My uncle offered me $200 if he could watch me scratch it like a dj. Want to go to the mall?

Scratching like a DJ

Scratching like a DJ by Dick Onchin April 21, 2020

Scotchcock

When a shot of Scotch whiskey slams you in the back of the throat and leaves a burning sensation.

That Highland Park really Scotchcocked me, my throat is on fire.

Scotchcock by Justin Stancil November 5, 2017

thief scratch 

Scratching a part of the body prior to stealing something from a gas station. This behavior is well documented on the Gas Station Encounters YouTube channel.

He’s going to make his way over to the beer coolers to check out all of his options, then he’s going to do the super obvious thief scratch, because thieves love scratching themselves.

thief scratch by Bernard Baruch February 11, 2019

Pork Scotch Moustache 

A small white moustache sported by bald security guards to prove they can grow hair. If the security guard is particularly old, fat and ugly he'll believe his moustache makes him good looking and suave.

Who's the gimp with the Pork Scotch Moustache?

That's Pork Scotch, the fat, ugly security guard.

Pork Scotch Moustache by flappy dickwad May 6, 2009

Fail Scratcher

When at a festival and somebody does a shout in an attempt to get a reply from a stranger. If there is no return shout, this is a Fail Scratcher.

Optimistic Stranger: "BUTT SCRATCHER!!!"

*Silence....*

Other festival goer: "What a Fail Scratcher."

Fail Scratcher by Shifty Man Pants. December 6, 2010

Pork Scotch dance

A gay dance done by fat old men when they get drunk at barbecues. The spectacle is greatly enhanced when the fat old man is wearing a buffalo-skin hat and strips down to his tartan boxer shorts.

Is that fat guy having a fit?

No, he's just doing a Pork Scotch dance. Ridiculous ain't it?

Pork Scotch dance by Flappy Dickwad May 6, 2009