The Pirate Cowboy Astronaut Theorem

The theory that all male-identifying individuals can be categorized as either a pirate, a cowboy, or an astronaut. Some combination thereof is a possibility, but one classification is always dominant. The categories need no defined criteria because the correct placement is almost always surprisingly obvious.

"I really like him, which is surprising because based on The Pirate Cowboy Astronaut Theorem he's more of an astronaut, and I'm usually more attracted to pirate men."
"I get that. I'm mostly into cowboys at the moment, but I could definitely see myself settling down with an astronaut one day."

by hannahmadison69 January 19, 2024

Mom's dinner theorem

Accepting what you have under the guise of "everything else sucks". Truthfully, you gave up wanting what you dont have.

You hate potatoes, you could have carrots but its late and youre sleepy - carrots are probably hard to chew so you just eat the potatoes, this is mom's dinner theorem
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A: i dont know, i guess i like being a girl! I mean, being a dude peobably sucked just by standardization alone.

B: mom's dinner theorem?

A: id rather not think about it.

by Anoneeneemus December 17, 2024

Akehoshi Subaru Theorem

The Akehoshi Subaru Theorem states when one feels the whims of gacha due to an underlying feeling of fondness for said character (not including applications regarding “meta” reasons) one may utilize that in priority of gacha decision.

“man i really want to get childe because i like him but i dont think he’ll fit into any of my teams”
“nah man the akehoshi subaru theorem says you should get him if you like him”

by boopsae October 11, 2023

Paslay’s Theorem

Paslay’s Theorem states that the length of the penis is more accurately described by the ratio between weight, height and penis length. Paslay’s Theorem is known to describe the phenomenon of short and skinny men seeming to have large penises regardless of length.

Damn that man is packing! No man it’s just Paslay’s Theorem.

by Signumsixty April 3, 2022

Grumulum's Theorem

When you don't know what you're doing, but you get it right anyway.

A: How did you get the correct answer on this test when you're failing the class?
B: I just used Grumulum's Theorem.

by RealCraigles January 25, 2024

pygyattoras theorem

When you are doing Pythagoras theorem in maths class but get very horny because of the way that hypotenuse looks at you in the corner of your eye.

You think you're just going crazy but then you realise it's calling out to you.

Screw the A squared and B squared, look at that sexy C squared.

And it only gets better when you find the square root of that. A lonely little C waiting for you just outside the door...

You strip naked and get ready to pound the living shit out of that hypotenuse.

In maths today that Pygyattoras theorem got me going real hard.

by SkibidiDonkeyMan May 21, 2024

Vaughan’s Theorem

Simply stated; in the public forum, delivery style outperforms content integrity as a potentiator of true communication. In the world of debate, well composed and articulated bullshit, especially when delivered extemporaneously, can stand toe-to-toe with poorly communicated: absolute truth, brilliant insight, inspired wisdom, or even genius-level analysis any day of the week.

Although candidate A clearly has a superior command of the subject matter, they tend to get nervous, and stutter and stammer, and seem to grasp for the right word, while candidate B who is well known for his silky sooth speaking style, broadcast-quality voice, and skill in weaving Improvisational comedy into his responses, once again, Vaughan’s Theorem accurately predicts that B will appear to win the question in spite of demonstrated cluelessness regarding the question that was posed.

by Kenneth A. Vaughan August 18, 2020