toolguru's definitions

festivus

A healthy alternative to Christmas or Chaunaka. Intstead of feeling an overwhelming compulsion to run up credit card debt by purchasing things for people that they will probably not need and regift to someone else next year, you get a microphone stand around which whores can dance. Everyone "airs their grievances" by writing a problem on a piece of paper and putting it into a box (without the person's name). Then people take turns reading them and the others offer solutions or crack on that person. After the anger and embarassment build (which is magnified by massive amounts of alcohol), it is time for "Feats of Strength". These can consist of anything from arm wrestling to tackle football in the backyard to chicken fighting. Unlike Christmas, people are actually real and end up feeling emotionally healed!

Sorry friends and family, I won't be making it to your Christmas parties this year. You should dump them to and come to my first annual "Festivus For the Rest of Us" jam.

by toolguru January 18, 2008

where's your mouth?

A bragging statement after you do something spectacular which is meant to be answered with dumbfounded silence.

Bruce and his beerpong partner Sally were losing 9 cups to 0. Suddenly, they proceeded to hit 10 cups in a row to steal the victory and Bruce exclaimed, "Where's your mouth?" Their opponents shook their heads and Bruce and Sally embraced.

by toolguru January 5, 2009

penomach

the male counterpart to the vagomach-- the flabby area beneath the belly button of a man's beer belly

I need to switch to Miller Lite because the Miller has caused me to develop a penomach.

by toolguru January 13, 2009

tool

That guy who makes us shake our head in disbelief but at the same time makes us feel better about ourselves since we are not him.

"Jake just spent $80 buying those hot chick shots and then they walked off with those other guys!" "He's such a tool!"

by toolguru January 5, 2009

Bible thumper

An individual who justifies his/her actions by quoting Bible passages. They often reject scientific evidence, pass judgement on others, and have a know-it-all attitude. Most have lost the ability to think critically.

As our Biology teacher showed us pictures of Lucy, a fairly well-preserved Australeopithicus fossil and tried to explain how she had characteristics of both extinct primates and some current primates such as apes, chimpanzees, and humans, some Bible thumper in the back of the room yelled out "We din't come from no monkeys!"

by toolguru November 12, 2007

sloppy fish

A potentially dangerous, yet at the same time hilarious and mostly unintentional maneuver in which an individual who has inhaled too much nitrous oxide suddenly keels over mid-laugh and begins to unawaredly mimic a fish out of water.

Mikey Nitrous brought a tank to the bachelor party and 3 dudes pulled a sloppy fish.

by toolguru January 29, 2008

mother hen

In a group of girls, the one who feels responsible for her friends. She often will push away guys and or pull away her friends from guys physically. She is usually either fat, ugly, annoying or all of the above. (Can be used as a noun or a verb)

I spent like $100 on drinks from this hot chick in a Vegas club and as we were heading up to my room, I got mother-henned out of nowhere! The nerve of the fat bitch!

Allright, guys, we need one of you to occupy the mother hen for a bit while I lead this chick out the dance floor!

by toolguru January 13, 2009