nethcev!'s definitions

shampoo

The word’s origins come from sham, French, meaning false or fake - and poo, slang, referring to biological excrement more commonly referred to as “shit”. Thus, one can only assume that shampoo is “false excrement” or “fake shit.”

Examples of shampoo include: Prell, Clairol, Nioxin, Suave, etc.

by nethcev! August 24, 2006

Soap

A chemical agent, designed to cleanse one of his/her external filth, thus removing all outside suspicion of one’s internal grime.

Examples of soap include: Irish Spring, Ivory, Dial, Zest etc.

by nethcev! August 23, 2006

Prison

A fishbowl for guppies. The real sharks get to stay in the ocean, and never fall into the mariners' nets. They instead run for elected office and make fortunes on Wall Street. Never do the big fish see the inside of an aquarium.

"The vilest deeds like poison weeds
Bloom well in prison air:
It is only what is good in man
That wastes and withers there:
Pale Anguish keeps the heavy gate
And the Warder in Despair."

Oscar Wilde

by nethcev! September 10, 2006

Marriage

The sacred and legally binding prelude to divorce.

The marriage of Carmen Electra to Dennis Rodman, the marriage of Tom Cruise to Nicole Kidman, the Marriage of Brad Pitt to Jennifer Aniston etc, etc, etc,

by nethcev! August 17, 2006

Sinner

One who is better at being a pastor than a saint.

"God have mercy on the sinner
Who must write with no dinner,
No gravy and no grub,
No pewter and no pub,
No belly and no bowels,
Only consonants and vowels."

John Crowe Ransom

by nethcev! November 3, 2006

Journalism

The art of expunging all of the art in writing.

For perfect examples of how journalism undermines art, see the guidelines listed in the AP Associated Press Stylebook.

by nethcev! August 18, 2006

Picture

A visual image or representation; painted, sketched, photographed or otherwise placed onto a flat two dimensional surface. Often it is said that a picture is WORTH a thousand words. This is, however, a fairly meager appraisal once one remembers that it is also often said that talk is CHEAP.

"Life is painting a picture, not doing a sum." Holmes

by nethcev! September 3, 2006