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al-in-chgo's definitions

Casual Friday

An extension of the relaxed dress code for adults that prevails in some offices on Friday, "Casual Friday" for public-school students means either: going without underwear on Fridays, or (boys only) wearing a jockstrap instead of underwear.

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"What are you wearing to school for 'Casual Friday'"?

"That's for me to know and you to find out."

(speaker almost gets pantsed.)

"Okay, okay. I'm wearing my favorite orange jockstrap. How about you?"

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by al-in-chgo March 12, 2010
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heavyosity

A fake but funny-sounding attempt to use heavy as a noun ("heaviness" would be standard.)
From 1977 Academy Award winning film ANNIE HALL, screenplay Woody Allen and Marshall Brickman:

Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) to girlfriend re rock concert:

"Was it heavy? Did it achieve . . . um, heavyosity?"
by al-in-chgo March 8, 2010
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Mutual Fund

Typically a Mutual Fund is an investment fund aimed at individual investors sponsored by an investment (or "mutual fund") house like Fidelity, Vanguard or T. Rowe Price. Each fund holds a "market basket" of stocks or bonds and individual investors buy into the fund by buying a share at "Net Asset Value," which is the total worth of the fund's holdings, calculated every day, divided by the number of shares outstanding. In other words, a mutual fund whose portfolio (value of all holdings) is worth a million dollars that has a hundred thousand shares outstanding will value those shares at ten dollars apiece. A typical stock-based mutual fund can earn its investors money in three ways: the dividends and capital gains that stocks pay out, and possible appreciation of the fund value per share.

For an individual investor, the advantage of owning a mutual fund is that s/he achieves diversity -- mutual funds own more than fifty stocks, on average -- that could not be achieved by buying a typical hundred shares of stock in only a few corporations. The disadvantages of such funds are that the "load" (sales commission) involved in buying or selling such funds can be considerable, and all funds incur some sort of service fees; that's how the investment house earns its money. Also, no "equity" or stock-based investment is guaranteed.
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"My broker wants me to buy shares in something called an "open-end fund" but I don't know what that means."

"That's just a way to describe the majority of mutual funds, which remain open to all new investors who have the money to invest in them."

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by al-in-chgo March 25, 2010
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Pozzie

A recent definition for "Pozzie" is slang for an affirmative vote for the query that appears alongside every Amazon amateur review:

"Was this review helpful to you? YES/NO."

A healthy and growing number of "Pozzies" are customarily thought to enhance one's competitive standing in Amazon rankings.
"Good Lord! I picked up three Pozzies yesterday on my review of LIFE AMONG THE SAVAGES."

"So people are still reading Shirley Jackson? Good."
by al-in-chgo June 4, 2013
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knob slob

person who gives messy head (knob=head of penis; slob=messy, untidy).

See also knob slobber.
Erotic magazine advertisement, ca. 2004: "You can go from knob slob to blow job champ (by buying this book) . . . "
by al-in-chgo June 16, 2011
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turd in the punch bowl

1. Southernism. Adds a certain repugnance to describe an idea, remark or occurrence that fell flat, killed conversation, was socially unacceptable, or went over like the proverbial lead balloon.

2. Similarly, a gauche, socially inept or unwelcome person who has a stultifying effect on social gatherings, or, by extension, was involved in some futile or hugely unpopular effort.
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1. -- "All I did was tell one harmless little dirty joke and the whole room went silent. Apparently I had crossed some kind of taboo. No one even chuckled at the joke; it was a veritable turd in the punchbowl. I felt like one too, since the whole party immediately seized up and everyone stared at me."

2.(a) -- "There we were discussing local politics, and who shows up uninvited and parks himself right in the middle of our group? Little Georgie, the mayor's brat, who has an unerring sense of inappropriateness. I'd rather see a turd in the punch bowl than have to deal with that nuisance."

(b) "Practically everyone in town was in favor of a weeknight youth curfew, but as usual our "freethinking" pastor went contrary and opposed it. He didn't change anyone's mind. I think he's a jinx! A turd in the punch bowl of civic affairs."
by al-in-chgo February 28, 2010
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Piss Hard-On

Piss Hard-On (or Hardon):

A graphic way to describe the male condition of waking up with a very stiff erection coupled with a need to urinate.

The leading causes of this syndrome are thought to be:

1) a full bladder rubs against the prostate gland which then arouses the rest of a man's sexual machinery as though getting ready for intercourse; or the more recent theory, that

2) during a routine night's sleep, a man will have four or five erections but usually they don't awaken him. This is probably the body's way of running "routine diagnostic checks" on his various systems, including sexual readiness. The one that wakes you up either because it's time to wake up or because you're dying to go to the bathroom is the P.H-O.
I hate the term "Piss Hard-On". It's ugly. Much better to me are "morning wood" or the evocative "morning glory," which is the term we used in the (USA) South.

For a funny look at how difficult it is to pee with an erection, look at the DVD outtakes of Steve Carrel's movie THE FORTY-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN.
by al-in-chgo February 24, 2010
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