Well, shit.'s definitions

Damn girl,

The start of a really cheesey pick-up line.

*Damn girl,* are you from Tennessee? Well you’re the only ten year old I see!
*Damn girl,* did you fall from heaven? Because you look like your face broke in eighteen places.
*Damn girl,* I just lost my phone number, and my social security details.
*Damn girl,* do you have an oxygen mask? Because I’m FUCKING DYING
*Damn girl,* I’m new here, can you give me directions to the nearest AA meeting?
*Damn girl,* if I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put D, I, C, K, and S together.
*Damn girl,* is it hot in here, or is it just climate change?
*Damn girl,* are you tired? Because I slashed your tires.
*Damn girl,* lucky I have my library card so I can slit your neck!

by Well, shit. April 22, 2018

balls deep

When the penis is so far in the vagina, the balls are the only thing on the surface.

Rob kept thrusting till his testicles hit her ass. He was balls deep and kept thrusting, but only with much more force.

by Well, shit. December 23, 2017

cumsplosion

An enormous amount of jizz to come out during masturbation or sex.

Carl was jerking off to some porn when he finally cummed. A hot load of jizz coated everything in front of him, a cumsplosion. He didn’t stop though. The stream of hot jizz didn’t look like it was about to stop. The stream kept coming. Carl tried to stop it by holding his dick tight but it hurt like hell. He stepped out of his chair and it still rushed out. The dripping stream didn’t stop. He tried putting on pants but filled up with cum. He went out naked. He bravely stepped out of his house to try and get help but then the door locked behind him. His cock dripped with cum faster and faster. His raging boner was rock hard. He then saw his crush walking toward him.

by Well, shit. January 18, 2018

CBT

Cock and ball torture - a fetish for pain inflicted on the male genitalia or just for torture.

Andrew woke up completely nude, in a van. He was tied up and ball-gagged, something felt wrong. He looked down and his testicles were connected to some kind of contraption. It had the label “CBT Machinery” on it. Someone walks into the van. Andrew is tied onto a leash. The person switches the machine on. Instantly, pain is delivered to Andrew’s balls. Blood seeps out, pain shivering throughout his body.
Andrew is knocked out again, only to wake up in a room. The room is pitch black with the only light coming from the exit. He is handcuffed to a roof pipe and his feet tied together. The person walks up with a three pound weight, with a string attached to it. The person ties it around his balls, and let’s go. He tries screaming, but he is ballgagged. He is knocked over the head with a plank.
He wakes up with a metal casing around his cock. It is firm and strong. He is tied in a chair, bolted to the ground. The casing is connected to a contraption, slowly wheeling in. It stretches his cock, creating immense pain. Tears fill his eyes, and more blood seeps out.

by Well, shit. April 22, 2018

teabag

The procedure of dipping one’s testicles into one’s mouth in an up and down motion.

Secretly gay Devin stood on top of his best friend Harold, who was asleep. He dipped his balls in and out. His saliva lubricated his testicles and it felt so good. Devin accidentally slipped, and his entire ballsack went in his mouth. He tried getting back up, but it was too hard. Harold then started biting. It hurt like hell, squatting naked with pain spreading throughout his balls.
His cock lay across Harold’s neck and Harold’s cat who slept on Harold’s bed woke up. The cat looked at his cock and started to scratch it. Harold bit harder, making Devin hard. This went on for the entire night. Devin vowed to never teabag again.

by Well, shit. April 22, 2018

snowman sex

A dare/punishment where you must have sex with a snowman, naked. The action may go on for 20-30 minutes.

Jack was playing beer pong at his friend’s house during a snowstorm. Dan, his opponent finished before him. The punishment was snowman sex. Jack stripped down naked, put his clothes on the kitchen table and went outside. The guys locked the door behind Jack so he couldn’t escape. There was a ready-made snowman outside, so he started shallow fucking it. The cold crept up his dick, making it hard. He stuck his entire cock inside the snowman and kept fucking. The guys were taping the whole thing. He then stuck his dick inside the snowman’s mouth and kept fucking. The cold was unbearable. He orgasmed and cummed inside the snowman and kept fucking it for another good twenty minutes. His balls hit the snowman’s hard ass repeatedly. After, his balls were frozen and his dick hard. His entire body was freezing.

by Well, shit. December 23, 2017

Blue Balls Bailout

When a close friend has sex with someone - but only to cure their blue balls.

David had extreme blue balls. He couldn’t even sit down from the excruciating pain. “C’mon, Joe,” David asked his roommate. “You gotta give me the Blue Balls Bailout!” Joe had agreed only because David had given him some bing on Thursday. David sat down in a chair, naked. He spread his legs and Joe bent over. Joe began stroking his dick until it became hard and when it did, Joe started sucking him off. His balls jiggled from the hard succ and he had cummed. Joe spat out the cum. Joe put his clothes back on but David didn’t. “Maybe we could try anal?” David said.

by Well, shit. January 18, 2018