Mr. Cardboard's definitions
Someone who is unable to manage their finances or fertility well enough such that they have to get out of bed or "goob" in order to obtain more money or attend to their offspring, instead of lying in bed all day drinking and masturbating like a true champion.
by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011
Get the goobermug. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"I'm trying to work out what colour your eyes are."
"Well stoppit you're freaking me out."
*infinitive of "freak out"
"I'm trying to work out what colour your eyes are."
"Well stoppit you're freaking me out."
*infinitive of "freak out"
by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011
Get the freak outmug. Undercooked pasta which, upon regurgitation, resembles a squirming mass of worms and maggots. Al dente literally means "to the teeth", as it is almost crunchy, meaning it is cheap, dried pasta rather than fresh, soft pasta.
For example a hastily-cooked friday night spaghetti before going out on the piss can be complimented as "al dente", however once one is blowing chunks in the form of long, strandy, red worms covered in stomach bile that tickle ever inch of your oesophagus, not to mention the back of your nose, down a back alley, soon becomes "undercooked".
For example a hastily-cooked friday night spaghetti before going out on the piss can be complimented as "al dente", however once one is blowing chunks in the form of long, strandy, red worms covered in stomach bile that tickle ever inch of your oesophagus, not to mention the back of your nose, down a back alley, soon becomes "undercooked".
"Sorry I puked all over your dress last night."
"That's ok, it was mostly spaghetti so it was very easy to clean off, thank god for al dente."
"That explains why I shat nothing but worms and maggots this morning, next time I'll give it a couple more minutes in the pan."
"That's ok, it was mostly spaghetti so it was very easy to clean off, thank god for al dente."
"That explains why I shat nothing but worms and maggots this morning, next time I'll give it a couple more minutes in the pan."
by Mr. Cardboard November 3, 2011
Get the al dentemug. One of the best possible pranks you can pull on someone who gets too drunk and falls asleep at a party. Various forms are possible but depend largely on the pre-existing haircut, the position the recipient has passed out in, how unconscious they are and the hair cutting devices available.
The classic is the bowl cut - hair above the ears is left untouched, hair below the ears is badly shaved down to about number 2. Ths should ideally be lopsided with a meander at the back of the head for maximum "specialness".
nb. it is a mortal sin to pull this prank on a woman due partly to the fact that all women everywhere will feel such sympathy for her that you will never get laid again, but mostly because women should never, ever have short hair.
The classic is the bowl cut - hair above the ears is left untouched, hair below the ears is badly shaved down to about number 2. Ths should ideally be lopsided with a meander at the back of the head for maximum "specialness".
nb. it is a mortal sin to pull this prank on a woman due partly to the fact that all women everywhere will feel such sympathy for her that you will never get laid again, but mostly because women should never, ever have short hair.
Dude 1: Urgh, where am I? What time is it?
Dude 2: *Laughs uncontrollably*
Dude 1: (touching head) What? Huh? Why's my head shaved? Where's the mirr... A FUCKING SPECIAL NEEDS HAIRCUT??
Dude 2: *Laughs uncontrollably*
Dude 1: (touching head) What? Huh? Why's my head shaved? Where's the mirr... A FUCKING SPECIAL NEEDS HAIRCUT??
by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011
Get the special needs haircutmug. The natural lubricant of the anus, designed to enable shit to slide out more easily but which also facilitates the insertion of golf balls.
"I was holding in a shit all last period but it turned out to just be a huge fart, however I wiped anyway in case some marmalade had come out."
by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011
Get the marmalademug. To comment on someone's facebook status or post and engage them in conversation, then delete all your comments so it looks like they have been talking to themself.
Victim: I know, they rock!
Victim: Absolutely! Last year, and twice the year before.
Victim: Yeah she's great. I can't wait.
Victim: Aww I got facefucked...
Victim: Absolutely! Last year, and twice the year before.
Victim: Yeah she's great. I can't wait.
Victim: Aww I got facefucked...
by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011
Get the facefuckmug. Any situation where you are legs and/or cheeks akimbo and feel sudden terror, for example:
- you are getting fucked by the gardener when your psychopathic mobster husband comes home early
- the shit you are taking is so wide, long and dry you fear it might split your ring open and/or drag out some colon with it
- two guys hold you bent over a table while a third kicks your legs open in preparation for the gang that's about to ass rape and possibly kill you
- the glass jar you put up your ass for a sexual thrill suddenly breaks under the pressure
- you are getting fucked by the gardener when your psychopathic mobster husband comes home early
- the shit you are taking is so wide, long and dry you fear it might split your ring open and/or drag out some colon with it
- two guys hold you bent over a table while a third kicks your legs open in preparation for the gang that's about to ass rape and possibly kill you
- the glass jar you put up your ass for a sexual thrill suddenly breaks under the pressure
by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
Get the Widespread Panicmug.