Mr. Cardboard's definitions

irish chicken

An accidental theoretical construct in the brain of someone who is not paying full attention to the conversation.

Dude 1: I was in O'Neills last night and there was this gorgeous Irish chick in there.

Dude 2: What's an Irish chicken?

by Mr. Cardboard November 8, 2011

Jacksons

Testicles.

From rhyming slang: Jackson Pollocks, bollocks.

My girlfriend only lets me teabag her if I've shaved my Jacksons.

by Mr. Cardboard July 5, 2012

football

The gayest sport in all the world, even gayer than men's synchronised fisting in pink leotards to "Small Town Boy" by Bronski Beat.

An excuse to watch men in shorts lock legs with other men in shorts while they try to shoot white balls into your gaping orifice while your team mate tries in vain to prevent said hole from being violated.

So gay that supporters of football "teams" hold regular pride parades resulting in "who's the gayest" skirmishes to see who can be the first in prison to get bum raped.

"Hey man do you like football?"

"No I prefer tits to balls."

by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011

sex keyboard

A woman who maks highly questionable noises during sex, such that it sounds as if you are just pressing the sound effect buttons on a keyboard rather than pleasuring her.

*ooh-ooh-aah-aah*
*woof woof*
*ding dong*
*squelch*
*mmmmooooooo*
*beep-beep*
*dropped cutlery*
*police siren*
*tearing paper*
*helicopter*
*meow*
*baby laugh*
etc.

Dude 1: Do you think she's faking?

Dude 2: Nah, she's just a sex keyboard

by Mr. Cardboard November 8, 2011

anal bacon

Untidy skin/flesh emanating from the ringpiece, giving it the appearance of chewed bacon. Usually as a result of overly aggressive anal sex but can equally be caused by prolapse or even be congenital.

Lord Asquith met Lady Jane at the Spring ball, and after months of wooing he finally came to court her. In time they were married and there was much rejoicing throughout the land. Alas on their wedding night he discovered she had anal bacon, rendering him impotent. He obtained an anullment later that week.

by Mr. Cardboard July 24, 2012

Virgin Megastore

An all-girls highschool.

Dude 1: Are you coming to the canteen at lunch?

Dude 2: No I need to nip to the Virgin Megastore.

by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011

immolate

to impersonate a mole

"There's a famous picture of a Vietrnamese monk who immolated himself in order to protest the war."

by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011