Mr. Cardboard's definitions

irish chicken

An accidental theoretical construct in the brain of someone who is not paying full attention to the conversation.

Dude 1: I was in O'Neills last night and there was this gorgeous Irish chick in there.

Dude 2: What's an Irish chicken?

by Mr. Cardboard November 8, 2011

couch pillows

A bizzare expression used by some people to describe the small, square cushions placed on a couch to enhance it's comfort and aesthetics, as opposed to the larger cushions which form the seat and are hence integral to the couch.

They're not "couch pillows", they're CUSHIONS. Pillows are what you rest your head on while you sleep, cry into when you're a teenage girl or bite when you get fucked in the ass - but only when the aforementioned events happen IN BED.

From Step Brothers (2008):

Richard Jenkins: "Dale sleepwalks too."
Mary Steenburgen: "Are you kidding me?"
Richard Jenkins: "I'm not. Look in the oven."
Mary Steenburgen: "What's in the...couch pillows?"

by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011

Jacksons

Testicles.

From rhyming slang: Jackson Pollocks, bollocks.

My girlfriend only lets me teabag her if I've shaved my Jacksons.

by Mr. Cardboard July 5, 2012

sex keyboard

A woman who maks highly questionable noises during sex, such that it sounds as if you are just pressing the sound effect buttons on a keyboard rather than pleasuring her.

*ooh-ooh-aah-aah*
*woof woof*
*ding dong*
*squelch*
*mmmmooooooo*
*beep-beep*
*dropped cutlery*
*police siren*
*tearing paper*
*helicopter*
*meow*
*baby laugh*
etc.

Dude 1: Do you think she's faking?

Dude 2: Nah, she's just a sex keyboard

by Mr. Cardboard November 8, 2011

Virgin Megastore

An all-girls highschool.

Dude 1: Are you coming to the canteen at lunch?

Dude 2: No I need to nip to the Virgin Megastore.

by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011

football

The gayest sport in all the world, even gayer than men's synchronised fisting in pink leotards to "Small Town Boy" by Bronski Beat.

An excuse to watch men in shorts lock legs with other men in shorts while they try to shoot white balls into your gaping orifice while your team mate tries in vain to prevent said hole from being violated.

So gay that supporters of football "teams" hold regular pride parades resulting in "who's the gayest" skirmishes to see who can be the first in prison to get bum raped.

"Hey man do you like football?"

"No I prefer tits to balls."

by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011

special needs haircut

One of the best possible pranks you can pull on someone who gets too drunk and falls asleep at a party. Various forms are possible but depend largely on the pre-existing haircut, the position the recipient has passed out in, how unconscious they are and the hair cutting devices available.

The classic is the bowl cut - hair above the ears is left untouched, hair below the ears is badly shaved down to about number 2. Ths should ideally be lopsided with a meander at the back of the head for maximum "specialness".

nb. it is a mortal sin to pull this prank on a woman due partly to the fact that all women everywhere will feel such sympathy for her that you will never get laid again, but mostly because women should never, ever have short hair.

Dude 1: Urgh, where am I? What time is it?

Dude 2: *Laughs uncontrollably*

Dude 1: (touching head) What? Huh? Why's my head shaved? Where's the mirr... A FUCKING SPECIAL NEEDS HAIRCUT??

by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011