Mike in Aurora, Colorado's definitions

Condumb

1.) Description of a person that is either too stupid or too arrogant to wear a condom when performing sex or when about to perform the same. 2.) A really stupid convict or an ex-con, denoted for being extremely idiotic or devoid of common sense.

Sex: "If you think that I am gonna let you stick that thing in without protection, then you are a real 'condumb'! Better get reacquainted with your hand!!"

Gangs: "Boo Boo Bear got popped by the cops for something really stupid. He's a real 'condumb'!"

Prison: "Harry the Hun got parole, but he got into trouble again on the outside, so he's back. Whadda a 'condumb'!"

by Mike in Aurora, Colorado February 24, 2008

Chode Probe

1.) A very specialized method of stimulating not only the prostate, but surrounding items as well, such as muscles, nerves, tissues, blood, and a slew of the same near the anus. It involves either a normally erect penis, finger, medical stimulating electrode, dildo, racketball, or any other item that can apply a fair amount of pressure to the said area: chode; the pubic region between the bottom of the testicles all the way down to the lower edge of the anus. The object of the sexual partner or self gratification: masturbation is to produce either sensations to obtain an erection for the purpose of other forms of sexual pursuits. However, if constant impact of either an erect penis or otherwise is persistent, it may well result in not only a very active center of nerves and sexual organs, but may well achieve an explosive orgasm. 2.) The act of chode probing, or, any act of the same nature as outlined in detail in 1.).

Gay Sex: "No penetration, just a wonderful 'chode probe'!"

Hetrosexual Encounter: "Raul wasn't very excited until I pulled out my largest, life like, dildo and pounded him silly until he came five minutes later. Raul really loves his 'chode probes'!"

Introspective Literary Work: He kept slamming his sister's huge dildo against his 'chode' area for almost an hour. Finally, he pounded heavier and faster than before. As he came, the satisfied man realized that his 'chode probe' had definitely paid off!"

by Mike in Aurora, Colorado February 28, 2008

Subway Transfer

1.) Pertains to the penetration of a female's vagina and then the anus by an erect penis on an alternating basis. Normally, it starts with first vaginal penetration, then anal, then vaginal again, and so forth. The duration can vary in length of either orafice, although it is standard to only apply this term to short durations for the same. (about three to ten seconds of actual penetration of either orafice before withdrawal of the penis for the intent of penetrating the adjacent orafice). * Warning: Should only be attempted with either a condom, regular physical check ups, and/or, with a singular partner relationship three to five years in progress.

Sexual Intent: "I wanna do a 'subway transfer' on that chick!"

Hemorrhoids: "I wouldn't have had such a huge 'rhoid if my husband didn't pull a 'subway transfer' on my ass all the time!"

Harmful Notion: "Man! That bitch is going pay for her stuff with a 'subway transfer' by me!"

by Mike in Aurora, Colorado March 13, 2008

Melvins

1.) The earlier of the modern term a wedgie or wedgy. It is defined primarily when a perpetrator goes behind an individual (normally a male), and yanks the underwear band up so as to get a major percentage of the underwear in question up the buttocks crevice. 2.) The results of insufficient wiping of the anus and surrounding areas thereof, which entails the common term skid marks (manure streaks in undergarments). 3.) The sensation that leads a person to conclude that A.) They are experiencing a less than fresh ass. B.) May have an undeterminate dingleberry remaining in the rectum, anus, or quite conceivably the less than desirable buttocks region. C.) Gives the false impression of the presence of Melvins, when, in fact, the nerve endings in the bottom of someone's ass are being affected by anal perspiration, or the tingling feelings caused by butt, or, pubic hairs, perhaps both! This may cause great anxiety with people on a date and those that are anticipating a potential sexual encounter.

High School Shenanigans: "I got that dork, Myron, and gave him the 'Melvins' so hard that it changed his singing voice!"

Laundry Person: "That bastard might be rich, but I wash his funky, stanky drawers all the time. The worst is when I run across his shorts and they have unremmovable 'Melvins'!"

Nervous Male: He was rather confident in his speech and demeanor, however, Joe the Maintenance at the Retreat near the city center, was overtly concerned about his 'Melvins'! He hoped that there was a restroom nearby so he could deal with the moist and sloppy feelings there.

by Mike in Aurora, Colorado February 29, 2008

Oyster in a Half Shell

Normally, Oyster in a Half Shell is taken to mean a food dish. However, the extended and additional definition of that expression leads to that of the sexual nature. Now, it is also a phrase that denotes when a male ejaculates onto, or, into a woman's palm after she causes such an incident to occur after performing digital sex, or more commonly known as a hand job. Although it is basically understood that this refers to the same regarding prostitution, many non-professional women, married and unmarried, call it the same thing. Boasting by men about the act often occurs, somewhat like a badge of recognition, et al.,.

Hooker After Satisfying a Client: "Wow! He howled when I jerked him off and I ended up with an 'oyster in a half shell'!"

A Conferring Couple After Intercourse: "I loved it, dear! Your 'oyster in a half shell' was great!!" said Linda.

Man Who is a Legend in his Own Mind: "Yeah, I'm the man! Just did that girl. She then rubbed me off. Talk about 'oyster in a half shell'! There was so much cum that she's thinking about suing me because it slid off the sides of her hands and onto her expensive carpet!"

by Mike in Aurora, Colorado May 21, 2008

Whoosh

1.) Predominately used in direct conjunction with a sound that is similiar, a 'whooshing' sound, as it were. 2.) A modern day word that follows a long history from origin to the present. Origin: From the word pussy, in direct application as used to describe either a vagina, or vaginas (plural), and/or can be used to describe either a coward or woos (part whimp and part pussy). Progression: In the early 1980's all the way up to now, the word woos was a hybrid of pussy and wimp. Present: Recently, the word whoosh has come into the spotlight. It follows up on all preceding definitons whereas the word dooche has been used to describe someone of low character, low esteem, loser, rip off artist, and any other applicable usages of that word. Hence, the word: Whoosh! 3.) A direct combination of the words: Pussy, * Woos, and dooche. Please note: Woos is already a derivative word.

Literature: He entered the building and the fresh air came in like a 'whoosh'! Needless to say, the fart smell vacated the front lobby expediently.

Sex: "He's such a 'whoosh'! He was quick on the trigger, didn't do any foreplay whatsoever, and he's been boasting 'bout what a stud he is! Sheeeit!"

Bad Drug Deal: "The stuff I tried was great, but the bag he sold me was mostly cut! That nigga Smith is such a 'whoosh'!"

Failed Relationship: "Karen appeared to be Ruth's friend, but after she pulled that number on her, she's nothin' but a big headed 'whoosh'!"

by Mike in Aurora, Colorado March 20, 2008

Barakcracy

A very nuevo term, or, modern terminology, referring to Democratic Presidential Candidate, Barak Obama, and the White House Cabinet, if, and or, when, he wins the election in 2008. It is simply set to describe the probable outcome in the event of such and occurance.

A Xenophobic Republican Voter: "Man! If that dude gets into office, we'll end up with a 'Barakcracy'! That's for sure!!"

An anti-Bush Voter: "I'll tell you what! If that guy makes it to presidency, it will be a Barakcracy. That's a hell of a lot better than that stupid and unrealistic Bush Administraton!"

A Pessimistic Observer: "If we get a 'Barakcracy', then we are truly in trouble."

by Mike in Aurora, Colorado May 21, 2008