Luigi's definitions
Could be high school, but also is husband's school, where men learn the fine art of pleasing women and leaving the toilet seat in a righteous position.
Husbands in remote Kreplachistan still attend "Poosiwippauniversitaat" or "School for Husbands." It's as mandatory before a Kreplachi wedding as a prenup in Beverly Hills.
Potential husbands learn important skills like taking out the trash, mowing the lawn without prompting, cleaning up after the goats in the yard, running errands and putting down the toilet seat.
"It is a difficult habit to break if your mother did not teach you, as a young boy, to do this," remarks Hayseed Fuzzlov, one of the students who hoped he would marry well as a result of his studies. "I always use the toilet with the seat down," confides the more savvy Fabian Goatchek. "My mother trained me well."
It is said that the best brides will reject any proposal from a potential husband who doesn't possess the distinctive diploma, a whip crossed with a rolling pin tatooed on a tanned cat skin. "I wouldn't want a woman who didn't want me to have this schooling," remarks Igo Bonkers, a young man with a flourishing mustache, traditional in this mountainous land and useful for straining the bugs and leaves out of the strong Kreplachi tea "She would be a kind of a slut if she didn't." Unfortunately, after he uttered the Kreplachi word for "slut", three Amazons charged out of the bushes and clubbed him senseless with rolling pins. Such words are beneath the classically trained male students, and violations of the rules are judged harshly.
Advanced studies in diaper changing, doing dishes without breakage, foot-rubbing and finding gainful employment are available for those who really are serious about a good marriage, and remedial courses are typically completely booked months in advanced.
The final exam is said to be very tough: "They might ask you something difficult like 'Does this dress make me look fat' and you'd better have the right answer. You could die right on the spot if you get it wrong" Bonkers tells the reporter.
Last year eight men didn't make it through the course. But even their mothers weren't terribly sorry. "They just didn't learn. Not that we didn't try." remarked one mother, whose late son was a notable dunce. "He deserved what he got."
Potential husbands learn important skills like taking out the trash, mowing the lawn without prompting, cleaning up after the goats in the yard, running errands and putting down the toilet seat.
"It is a difficult habit to break if your mother did not teach you, as a young boy, to do this," remarks Hayseed Fuzzlov, one of the students who hoped he would marry well as a result of his studies. "I always use the toilet with the seat down," confides the more savvy Fabian Goatchek. "My mother trained me well."
It is said that the best brides will reject any proposal from a potential husband who doesn't possess the distinctive diploma, a whip crossed with a rolling pin tatooed on a tanned cat skin. "I wouldn't want a woman who didn't want me to have this schooling," remarks Igo Bonkers, a young man with a flourishing mustache, traditional in this mountainous land and useful for straining the bugs and leaves out of the strong Kreplachi tea "She would be a kind of a slut if she didn't." Unfortunately, after he uttered the Kreplachi word for "slut", three Amazons charged out of the bushes and clubbed him senseless with rolling pins. Such words are beneath the classically trained male students, and violations of the rules are judged harshly.
Advanced studies in diaper changing, doing dishes without breakage, foot-rubbing and finding gainful employment are available for those who really are serious about a good marriage, and remedial courses are typically completely booked months in advanced.
The final exam is said to be very tough: "They might ask you something difficult like 'Does this dress make me look fat' and you'd better have the right answer. You could die right on the spot if you get it wrong" Bonkers tells the reporter.
Last year eight men didn't make it through the course. But even their mothers weren't terribly sorry. "They just didn't learn. Not that we didn't try." remarked one mother, whose late son was a notable dunce. "He deserved what he got."
by Luigi August 10, 2004
Get the h school mug.Gay, especially a gay bottom or the masochist of a sado-masochistic homosexual pair. A homo, busycheeks, or a panty-waist,pansy,nancy boy
by Luigi July 11, 2004
Get the pillow biter mug.Vlade's defender sneezed on the other end of the court, and Vlade fell down causing the offical to call a foul.
by Luigi July 20, 2004
Get the Vlade Divac mug.Synonymous with internet cafe; a place that serves coffee, drinks and has terminals and internet connections to rent by the hour.
The cyber café where Mark tended to end up, evening after evening, served a mediocre Napa white and superb T1 internet access. Mark had a laptop and a dial-up connection in his apartment, but he preferred the faster online connection and the false sense of camaraderie at the café. In truth, no one ever spoke to anyone else there--even the barrista made the drinks in church-like silence. Each patron sipped at his computer booth, lost in a cyberworld of their own creation.
There was a bright new banner, announcing an online dating service. “30 Days, Guaranteed or Your Money Back!” it boasted. What the hell, thought Mark, who was an optimist despite some notable dating disasters in the past. There was that gal from Medway, the one with the three cats and the bad case of…Mark shuddered and tried to wipe that image out of his mind. What the hell, thought Mark, and signed on.
Night after night, he faced a woman across a table, and night after night the same thoughts were exchanged: He’s better than I thought. She’s worse than I imagined. I could manage him, if he’d get a better job. Why can’t there be a woman who’s smart and doesn’t look and smell like exactly a pit bull, thought Mark. There has to be one. Somewhere.
Then he met Belkis. “I changed my name from Magda, “ she confided. Magda, he thought, is a pretty exotic name already. What about Magda needed changing? He didn’t ask.
Belkis was smart, all right, and beautiful, in a dark and somewhat masculinely sinister way. Her figure was taut, her brows somewhat low, and her teeth looked white, but sharp. She wore red lipstick that left a mark on the espresso cups like a vampire bite.
Starting over wasn’t so bad, Mark thought. He didn't like his old job, his cramped apartment or that town anyway. Changing your identity could even be exciting, if you looked at it in the right light. He hadn’t heard from Belkis or her lawyers in over a month. Too bad he forgot to change his cell phone number. Belkis was a patient woman.
There was a bright new banner, announcing an online dating service. “30 Days, Guaranteed or Your Money Back!” it boasted. What the hell, thought Mark, who was an optimist despite some notable dating disasters in the past. There was that gal from Medway, the one with the three cats and the bad case of…Mark shuddered and tried to wipe that image out of his mind. What the hell, thought Mark, and signed on.
Night after night, he faced a woman across a table, and night after night the same thoughts were exchanged: He’s better than I thought. She’s worse than I imagined. I could manage him, if he’d get a better job. Why can’t there be a woman who’s smart and doesn’t look and smell like exactly a pit bull, thought Mark. There has to be one. Somewhere.
Then he met Belkis. “I changed my name from Magda, “ she confided. Magda, he thought, is a pretty exotic name already. What about Magda needed changing? He didn’t ask.
Belkis was smart, all right, and beautiful, in a dark and somewhat masculinely sinister way. Her figure was taut, her brows somewhat low, and her teeth looked white, but sharp. She wore red lipstick that left a mark on the espresso cups like a vampire bite.
Starting over wasn’t so bad, Mark thought. He didn't like his old job, his cramped apartment or that town anyway. Changing your identity could even be exciting, if you looked at it in the right light. He hadn’t heard from Belkis or her lawyers in over a month. Too bad he forgot to change his cell phone number. Belkis was a patient woman.
by Luigi August 7, 2004
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