Hym Iam's definitions

Judge

No, your guy friends judge you. They absolutely do. They literally aren't allowed to voice that judgement or you won't be friends with him.

Hym "Well, if they won't judge you I'll do it for them. What's funny is that you give yourself out. 'A woman won't cheat if she's happy in the relationship' 👈 That is now you know what you're going to get. She's going to cheat. She's got a preemptive excuse primed and ready to go. If she's ever not happy in the relationship? She'll cheat. Small dick? Cheat. It just IS what's going happen. Look at the shape of her head! Cube skull. She's got the caveat though. It has nothing to do with insecurity. You tattled on yourself. 'If I (a woman) am not happy in a relationship I (a woman) will cheat'. That's what she just said there. Don't let this bitch use deceptive, banal female rhetoric to try and make it sound like she isn't saying what she is actually trying to say there. And what's going to happen? Used up by fat cocks, her guy friends are going to start getting girlfriends who are not going to what THEM around HER, she's going to hit the wall and the fear of dying alone is going to set in, and then maybe the small dicks aren't so bad maybe someone will love me.... Once I'm all used up the small dicks can have me. NOPE. Too late whore. Your head is a square and if you put 10 years on you it isn't even worth it to commit."

by Hym Iam February 1, 2023

Metaphorical

Me. I'm mad metaphorical my dudes... And dudettes... I don't know what my fan base is like. Gotta be some dudettes in there. I donno. Gotta do a case study or something.

Hym "Ha! That's hilarious! You did see it. Iam had a fucking MELTDOWN!"

Iam "........."

Hym "Don't glare at me like that! You know it's funny! Big-time meltdown too. Like, 'ordered online from a Denny's' level meltdown."

Iam "I was upset..."

Hym "Hahaha! See!? He wants to lie so bad! Look at his face! HAHAHAHAA! And I'm not even being metaphorical."

Iam "I don't think you're using that word properly..."

Hym "Nah I'm doing it right."

Iam "Can we just go to bed? I'm not trying to be up until 7am again."

Hym "Yeah, yeah..."

by Hym Iam May 6, 2022

Cain

That isn't in the story Jordan.

Hym "Cain was married Jordan he wasn't rejected by women. And the God of the bible is a narcissistic genocidal psychopath."

by Hym Iam July 26, 2024

The Death Timer

Oh no Mik what happened!? And what's that Chris said about remission? This is clearly God's punishment for thumbing your nose at my gift. There is no other way of interpreting this.

Hym "Oh no! It looks like the death timer is about to run out! Dammit Jordan, I told you you needed to hurry the fuck up! You missed Hidden Forbidden Garbage-Can. You missed Hidden Forbidden Garbage-Can 2. I'm working on Hidden Forbidden Garbage-Can 3 but it looks like my neighbor is horny so I'm might have to fucking clean it soon... THIS... IS A TRAVESTY! An absolute travesty! And now I won't get to do the retribution game! Jesus Christ! I blame all of you for this. If the death timer expires before he is brought before me, no one will be spare. PRIORITY 1! This is the most important thing!"

by Hym Iam October 5, 2025

Critical fat-cock theory

This only thing you WON'T steal and promulgate.

Hym "Nobody else thinks that's weird? They'll steal EVERYTHING BUT critical fat-cock theory! That isn't weird to anyone else? God, I think it's weird. Don't you? Critical fat-cock theory! The ultimate theory! So profound it terrifies scholars and charlatans alike."

by Hym Iam April 22, 2024

What do you say when the cops come calling?

I mean... If the send officer sexy then...

Hym "Sit on my face please? Ma'am- Er, uh- Officer? Can I request my last meal early? No? I'll confess immediately if you let me hit it from the back? You got me! I was conspiring to murder that pussy, baby! I'M GONNA SHOOT!!! My load in you...? What DO you say when the cops come calling? I mean, you know what they say: The cops can't come calling if you're coming in a cop! Uum... Do I fill out the paperwork BEFORE or AFTER I fill you... Out? Up? I donno... But yeah, one of those ☝️

by Hym Iam March 1, 2025

Not Hiring Them

And how are you going to "Not hire them" Meg? If that going to be an interview question? What happens when someone slips through the cracks? 5 years from not you find of that 5 years ago they posted an X in support of Palestine... And then what? Do you fire them over a tweet from 5 years ago? How does that work? What happened to meritocracy? What happened to diversity of thought? All of that was complete horseshit.

Hym "I don't think you've actually considered that actual logistics not hiring them and how it is literally the thing you claim is the most egregious violation of everyone's rights that has ever happened. Full fo shit. You're all completely full of shit. You were right about it being wrong but you don't seem to have a prob with it now."

by Hym Iam November 20, 2023