Frank Rider's definitions

OHSHIT moment

An OHSHIT moment is the instant between the pain and screaming, or the first time you smell Paris Hilton's cooch. (Maybe a mix of both.) Any sort of moment where you are bound to freak out has an OHSHIT, big or small. Here you may yell out a shitplitive, begin to cry, or crap yourself. Or all three.

(An example of an OHSHIT moment)

In Johnny's head-

'OHSHIT, definitely not having kids now.'

by Frank Rider August 22, 2009

The Black Rider

This album was the studio version of the music from Tom Waits, Robert Wilson, and William S. Burroughs play; The Black Rider: The Casting of the Magic Bullets. And, it was Waits' twelfth album. It's quite beautiful, and also quite varying. It has some songs that are exciting; like The Black Rider, some that are depressing; like The Last Rose Of Summer, and some that are absolutely weird; like Oily Night. It's guaranteed to give you nightmares and steal your soul, but sorry - no money back.

An excerpt from The Black Rider's-
November

With my hair slicked back
With carrion shellac
With the blood from a pheasant
And the bone from a hare
Tied to the branches
Of a roebuck stag
Left to wave in the timber
Like a buck shot flag

by Frank Rider August 23, 2009

Shitplitive

A shitplitive is an expletive invented in an OHSHIT moment, and can be amazing, but is usually forgotten in the pain or excitment.

"Fuck monkeys on a shit log! That sonafawhore hammer just hit my thumb!"

"Wow John, cool it with the shitplitives."

by Frank Rider August 22, 2009

Co Co

A nick name for Conan O'Brien, given to him by Tom Hanks on the Tonight Show.

Conan hates being called Co Co

by Frank Rider August 23, 2009

p-i-double-guh-ISSED

A declaration of anger suitable for fat white women and scrawny gay men.

"The bitch at the drive through forgot my five-pounder with cheese, you know I can't just eat a big fry! I am p-i-double-guh-issed!"

Said fat Tammy to her little Chee-Who-A-Who-A

by Frank Rider August 22, 2009

Small Change

This Tom Waits album is from 1976. It's his fourth, and again he has evolved just a bit. With more than half of the album about drunkenness and alcohol, Waits has deviated quite a bit in writing style. He is still quite hysterical in Step Right Up, but now there are mournfully slow songs like Bad Liver and a Broken Heart. The music itself is much more depressed, with lower notes and slower speeds on many songs, but diversely more laughable lyrics on others.

An excerpt from Small Change's-
Pasties And A G-String

Strip tease, prick tease, car keys blues
And the porno floor show, live nude girls,
Dreamy and creamy and brunette curls
Chesty morgan and watermelon rose
Raise my rent and take off all your clothes
With trench coats, magazines, a bottle full of rum,
Shes so good, to make a dead man come

by Frank Rider August 22, 2009

Filipino Box Spring Hog

1. The fourteenth song on Tom Waits' 1999 album, Mule Variations.

2. A term for any strange or disgusting new food. If you can't figure out a food's name or ingredients, you may call it this.

Rattle snake piccata with grapes and figs
Old brown Betty with a yellow wig
Tain't the mince meat filagree
And it ain't the turkey neck stew
And it ain't them bruleed okra seeds
Though she made them especially for you
Worse won a prize for her bottom black pie
The beans got thrown to the dogs
Jaheseus Christ, I can always make room
Cookin' up a Filipino Box Spring Hog

by Frank Rider August 22, 2009