Frank Klaune's definitions

squirts, the

Excessively moist excrement which causes occasional accidental releases of liquid shit in your shorts. Commonly called the "Hershey Squirts", "the shits" or "the trots", "the squirts" are marked by the perceived need to pass a fart, and while attempting to fart, shitting one's drawers.

"I ate that damn crap they served up, and it was so greasy, that now I've got the squirts all night long."

by Frank Klaune March 6, 2004

silly swords

Common game for young males, "silly swords" involves using two (or more) competing streams of urine as if they were swords in a sword fight. Unlike a pissfight or pissing contest, urinating on the competition is never allowed. The urine stream is only used against the other person's stream, just like a sword fight.

Jimmy and Frank were in the back yard playing silly swords.

by Frank Klaune March 6, 2004

longshot

Contest similar to "silly swords" or "pissing contest" where two (or more) males stand behind a straight line and urinate as hard as they can. The winner of "longshot" is the one who is able to piss the farthest.

"Mike and Frank were in the back yard playing longshot. Mike won, but I think he shit his pants straining."

by Frank Klaune March 6, 2004

jimhat

Street slang for "condom".

"Don't go nowhere without 'cha jimhat. Gotta be smarta' than that."

by Frank Klaune March 6, 2004

finger wave

Term describing the anal prostate check portion of the annual physical examination done on older men. The "finger wave" is done by the gloved hand of the examining physician. One only hopes that while the "finger wave" is being done you don't feel both of the doctor's hands on your shoulders at the same time or you're in trouble.

Old man Klaune went to the doctor and got a finger wave.

by Frank Klaune March 6, 2004

spray paint

The forceful, sometimes violent expulsion of liquid shit into the toilet at high velocity. The "spray paint" term relates to the viewing of the underside of the toilet seat and the general condition of the toilet bowl which is usually well sprayed with dumpage.

"Man, I had such a gut cramp, I ran to the bathroom and let go with spray paint. Damn, it's a good thing we're at Frank's house. I wouldn't want to clean that up at my house."

by Frank Klaune March 6, 2004

ahs-wee-pay

Less commonly as of late, it is the phonetic, literal pronounciation of "asswipe" (said usually with a fake foreign accent). The term is used as a direct replacement for "asswipe" just with the foreign-sounding pronounciation for any of a number of stupid reasons.

"Hey ahs-wee-payyyy... wot's up mon?"

by Frank Klaune March 6, 2004