Cuntoleezza Rice's definitions

Papal Smear

Any of several bodily fluids taken from the Pope to make sure all is well with the Holy Father's naughty bits. Usually collected by a Vatican Manginacologist, the samples are checked for disease and and then sent to the FBI for DNA comparison in ongoing kid diddler investigations.

A Papal Smear recently sold on eBay for $135K. No one is sure just who reached under the Pope's gown and stole her grogan.

by Cuntoleezza Rice May 20, 2008

rapturebate

1. To masturbate while thinking about the Rapture, Mark of the Beast, Great Whore of Babylon, etc.

2. To diddle one's ass while imagining getting Rapture Fucked by Harold Camping.

1. As Rick Santorum stood in the shower thinking about the Rapture his hands moved slowly downward and he began to Rapturebate. He imagined finally being able to tap the Jesus Hole. Yes he knew the Lord was coming soon. Yes coming. coming soon, coming soon...

2. Renowned felcher Pat Robertson stuck four fingers up his saggy old prison wallet and dreamed of his favorite fantasy Sodomy Clown, Harold Camping.

by Cuntoleezza Rice November 13, 2011

fucktitious

An exaggerated or falsified account of sexual activity, usually involving an alleged conquest by the story teller.

Her undeserved reputation as a slut was the result of countless fucktitious stories repeated in the locker room.

by Cuntoleezza Rice January 16, 2007

blumpkindred spirit

A "new friend" found while cruising for sex in a public men's room. The new friend will perform a special sex act (a blumpkin) without even making the recipient get off the toilet.

Repugnican Senator Larry Craig sat down on the crapper and assumed his usual wide stance. He moved his foot toward the next stall thinking the guy next door might want a blowjob while he was taking a dump. He soon realized the guy was an undercover cop, not a blumpkindred spirit.

by Cuntoleezza Rice October 28, 2007

iPad

A sanitary pad that contains an embedded MP3 player.

Ann Coulter loved it when her time of the month came around and she could listen to tunes on her iPad.

by Cuntoleezza Rice October 23, 2009

pastorbation

Masturbation by a priest while hearing an especially steamy confession.

From the rustling and heavy breathing I could tell pastorbation was occurring just beyond the confessional wall.

by Cuntoleezza Rice November 10, 2006

John Hagee

A Fundamentalist Christian evangelist fucktard and supporter of presidential candidate John McCain. Like Baptist preacher Fred Phelch, Hagee believes hurricane Katrina was caused by God’s wrath about gays in New Orleans. Hagee also called Catholic Church the Great Whore of the Apocalypse, although we all know they’re just a fraternity of kid diddlers.

John Hagee wouldn’t know what a great whore was if he was sitting on her face.

by Cuntoleezza Rice May 18, 2008