Cuntoleezza Rice's definitions

Holy Water

The water that flows from a priest's butthole after an enema.

Father Pedofuck called to the altar boy "Come here son and help me make some Holy Water."

by Cuntoleezza Rice October 23, 2007

gradutate

To blow chunks at one's graduation, usually from consuming too much alcohol prior to the event.

It was quite a graduation regurgitation. The valedictorian gradutated all over the stage.

by Cuntoleezza Rice January 31, 2007

Papal Smear

Any of several bodily fluids taken from the Pope to make sure all is well with the Holy Father's naughty bits. Usually collected by a Vatican Manginacologist, the samples are checked for disease and and then sent to the FBI for DNA comparison in ongoing kid diddler investigations.

A Papal Smear recently sold on eBay for $135K. No one is sure just who reached under the Pope's gown and stole her grogan.

by Cuntoleezza Rice May 20, 2008

blumpkindred spirit

A "new friend" found while cruising for sex in a public men's room. The new friend will perform a special sex act (a blumpkin) without even making the recipient get off the toilet.

Repugnican Senator Larry Craig sat down on the crapper and assumed his usual wide stance. He moved his foot toward the next stall thinking the guy next door might want a blowjob while he was taking a dump. He soon realized the guy was an undercover cop, not a blumpkindred spirit.

by Cuntoleezza Rice October 28, 2007

fucktitious

An exaggerated or falsified account of sexual activity, usually involving an alleged conquest by the story teller.

Her undeserved reputation as a slut was the result of countless fucktitious stories repeated in the locker room.

by Cuntoleezza Rice January 16, 2007

rapturebate

1. To masturbate while thinking about the Rapture, Mark of the Beast, Great Whore of Babylon, etc.

2. To diddle one's ass while imagining getting Rapture Fucked by Harold Camping.

1. As Rick Santorum stood in the shower thinking about the Rapture his hands moved slowly downward and he began to Rapturebate. He imagined finally being able to tap the Jesus Hole. Yes he knew the Lord was coming soon. Yes coming. coming soon, coming soon...

2. Renowned felcher Pat Robertson stuck four fingers up his saggy old prison wallet and dreamed of his favorite fantasy Sodomy Clown, Harold Camping.

by Cuntoleezza Rice November 13, 2011

Santorum Colada

A frothy tropical drink made with rum, pineapple chunks and santorum.

Fred Phelps plans to serve Santorum Coladas at the Westboro Baptist Church's next Holy Communion. Here's how to make a Santorum Colada:

3 oz light rum
3 tbsp coconut cream
3 tbsp crushed pineapples
1 shot of santorum*

Put all ingredients into an electric blender with 2 cups of crushed ice. Blend at a high speed for a short length of time. Strain into a collins glass and serve with a straw to felch it down. Top with frothy santorum.

*If you don't have any santorum on hand you can fake it as follows: Combine 1/4 cup of AstroGlide in a blender with a dollop of shit. Beat to a heavy froth.

by Cuntoleezza Rice September 5, 2012