Col. Hans Landa's definitions

dead pocket

noun; in pool, a pocket where the eight ball has been inadvertently set up early in the game. This essentially means that all other object balls must be deflected from this area to prevent either player from pocketing the eight ball too early and losing the game.

Tony cleverly turned the right corner into a dead pocket, preventing John from scoring on the next shot.

by Col. Hans Landa October 25, 2011

three night rule

a sacred custom dictating that if someone is not a family member or an intimate friend, then one may only sleep in their house/apartment for three nights at most. Violating this is a high offense against one's honor. Go to a hotel.

Rather than spend a fourth night in Alex's San Francisco apartment, Bob took a train to San Jose and slept in a ditch. This way, he observed the three night rule and preserved his sacred honor.

by Col. Hans Landa September 13, 2013

Western Pennsylvania

The undiscovered paradise.

"On the seventh day, God rested. Ont the eighth day, He made Western Pennsylvania."

by Col. Hans Landa September 11, 2011

bullshitspeak

a language spoken by businessmen and CEOs. Used to confuse the people they're about to steal mad cash from by replacing common concepts with words that sound nice.

Examples include, but are in no way limited to:
Price point = price
Strategically reduced = fired
Capital = ca$h money
Sold at profit = Ripped off
Presented a convincing argument = lied to/threatened
Net worth = Maximum ransom

Great time to buy = We're in the shitter
Great time to sell = I want more shares

Executive board meeting = Vacation in Cancun

Unanimous decision = only the CEO agreed
Profitable relocation = we're moving to China
Unforeseen expenses = another vacation in Cancun
Somewhat suggested = absolutely required
Socialist = anyone who disagreed
Acquire via purchase = Buy
It was in the contract = If you take this to court you won't win

Salesman: "The price point of this house is so high, if you purchase now we can heavily recommend the likely executive redecision committee to select the nearby land for habitat enrichment rather than strategic redevelopment -- that is, if you agree to a slightly more significant lease agreement."

Normal person: "Don't gimme that bullshitspeak. How much do I have to pay so you won't put up the high-rise?"

by Col. Hans Landa December 30, 2011

#roadtohershey

A Twitter tag commonly used by high schoolers in Pennsylvania to refer to the success of their high school football teams. The name comes from the fact that the WPIAL Championship game is played in Hershey.

42-0 win over NA. #rollvikes #roadtohershey

Beat out by CCHS...no longer on the #roadtohershey :((

by Col. Hans Landa September 30, 2011

UPMC

prop. n.; University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, in reality a gigantic corporation almost completely unrelated to said University. Although its Pittsburgh-based chain of hospitals (usually) provides world-class care, UPMC is notorious for opposing competition, free-market capitalism, and above-minimum wage for its employees.

UPMC bought out the small-time Catholic hospital, tore down the historic building, and built a luxury office for its President in its stead.

by Col. Hans Landa August 4, 2011

dischner syndrome

rapid, inexplicable widespread popularity followed by a long, protracted decline in social capital, terminating in universal disdain

A.: "Dude, what ever happened to Bob Applesworthy?"

B.: "Freshman year he was the shit around here. But I don't think he has any friends anymore."
A.: "Dischner syndrome."
B.: "Totally."

by Col. Hans Landa September 13, 2013