Col. Hans Landa's definitions

Wilkinsburg

pron. n.; "We'll-kill-yins-burg"; a city in Pennsylvania, immediately outside of Pittsburgh's city limits. Known for being dangerously crime-infested. Has been repeatedly denied union with the City of Pittsburgh because of its awful reputation. Also has terrible public schools.

"I rode my bike through Wilkinsburg at noon and I thought I was gonna get mugged."

by Col. Hans Landa August 22, 2011

eleventh hour friendship

n., a friendship formed at the last minute, usually because a common means of communication is going to expire. Eleventh hour friendships are commonly formed at the end of grade school, high school, college, and periods of employment with a specific employer. The term comes from the "eleventh hour", i.e. the last possible time.

Joe: "I didn't know Bob was friends with Tim. They never hung out in high school."
Jack: "It was an eleventh hour friendship - they literally only got to know each other after graduation."

by Col. Hans Landa December 28, 2011

shooting the sheriff

v., when someone who's already up shit creek alienates or insults somebody who honestly could have helped them get back to shore. Essentially, burning bridges with regards to people.

Guy 1: "Hey man, how did your meeting with the RA go today? Did you get out of the alcohol warning?"
Guy 2: "No man, I told her she looked sexy in her dress, and she wrote me up for sexual harassment too."
Guy 1: "Wow man, you really like shooting the sheriff, huh?"

by Col. Hans Landa November 8, 2011

South Side

prop. n. A renowned historic neighborhood in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, located across the Monongahela River from Downtown. The location of many famous bars, restaurants, theaters, and tattoo parlors. Originally a working-class neighborhood, the South Side became up-and-coming after the major steel mills closed in the 1980s.

The South Side, being a large area, is sometimes divided into the "South Side Flats" (near the river) and the "South Side Slopes". It is not to be confused with the "South Shore", which refers to all shoreline neighborhoods south of the Mon, or the South Hills.

Bob took his new girlfriend out to the South Side for some bar-hopping.

by Col. Hans Landa August 22, 2011

straw poll

An extremely unorganized form of voting, usually used by self-appointed leaders when they don't have the desire to actually consider what the group wants but need to make it look like it was a majority decision.

Intramural captain: "Okay dudes, who can make it Monday to practice? Quick straw poll!" (two people out of thirty raise their hands)
Captain: "Monday it is!"
Guy #1: "90% didn't vote."
(Captain shoots Guy #1 in the face.)

by Col. Hans Landa October 4, 2011

bullshitspeak

a language spoken by businessmen and CEOs. Used to confuse the people they're about to steal mad cash from by replacing common concepts with words that sound nice.

Examples include, but are in no way limited to:
Price point = price
Strategically reduced = fired
Capital = ca$h money
Sold at profit = Ripped off
Presented a convincing argument = lied to/threatened
Net worth = Maximum ransom

Great time to buy = We're in the shitter
Great time to sell = I want more shares

Executive board meeting = Vacation in Cancun

Unanimous decision = only the CEO agreed
Profitable relocation = we're moving to China
Unforeseen expenses = another vacation in Cancun
Somewhat suggested = absolutely required
Socialist = anyone who disagreed
Acquire via purchase = Buy
It was in the contract = If you take this to court you won't win

Salesman: "The price point of this house is so high, if you purchase now we can heavily recommend the likely executive redecision committee to select the nearby land for habitat enrichment rather than strategic redevelopment -- that is, if you agree to a slightly more significant lease agreement."

Normal person: "Don't gimme that bullshitspeak. How much do I have to pay so you won't put up the high-rise?"

by Col. Hans Landa December 30, 2011

meta fog

when something is so self-referential (i.e., meta), that it looses all meaning because it is too confusing to follow. A good example is the movie Inception.

"Dude, so how about I am making a movie about how I am producing a film about how went to the theater to watch a movie about a group of people making a movie about the film industry?"

"I'm lost in a meta fog, bro. I think you need to simplify."

by Col. Hans Landa March 21, 2012