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Brett Burkhardt's definitions

Declaw

To say something that will shut someone up who’s being catty.
“If that receptionist says one damn thing about my hair, I will declaw her ass so fast.”

"If she starts getting catty, just say something about her husband leaving her for another woman. That'll declaw her in a second."
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Down Low Lurker

A man on the DL who lurks around public restrooms, parks, truck stops, porn stores, the locker room and shower at the gym, etc. looking for some random stranger(s) to have sex with.
I hate going to the gym on Thursdays after work. There’s this creepy DL Lurker who always seems to be hanging around in the shower or wandering the locker room in a towel.

I swear to God, her boyfriend is a down low lurker. I see him hanging around by the library bathroom three nights a week.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Slow Burn

An insult that doesn’t sink in for awhile.
When Jasmine figured out that slow burn comment from the girl at the bar, she was so pissed.

He’s an idiot, you can say any sort of shit to his face and it’ll be a slow burn. He won’t figure it out for days.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Coastal Crap

When people from the coasts have an attitude about people who live in the Midwest and the Midwest in general.
If you’re going to come to town with a big bag of coastal crap then why the fuck did you decide to go to college in Iowa?

Once again, Mandy has to pull some coastal crap when she went on a rant about just how “quaint” the sushi places in Chicago are.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Fashion Fool

Someone who spends a fortune on clothes and shoes that look like shit.
We all laughed when she told us that she spent $300 on that blue zebra print dress. For the same price, she could have had 35 dresses exactly like it from the bargain bin at K-Mart.

We knew we hit the goldmine when we opened this trendy boutique. Fashion fools will pay a fortune to get a “one of a kind” dress no matter how ugly it is.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Douche Dispute

When someone disputes a purchase or service for some stupid reason.
That guy had a real douche dispute. He called in to demand free pizza because there were only 30 pieces of pepperoni on his pizza.

“I want to have all my money back from this flight, it was delayed by 45 minutes.”
“Ma’am, we were in the middle of a blizzard, you’re lucky your flight was even able to leave. If you want to continue with this douche dispute, I will be forced to disconnect this call.”
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Pull a Palin

To avoid answering questions directly because you don't know the answer, or you don't want the person to talking to knowing the real answer, and talking about another subject you do know something about, or something to flatter or distract the other person, instead. Also resorting to speaking in talking points, folksy colloquialisms, or buzz words to avoid answering questions while trying to look like you know what you're talking about and to keep from having to give an honest or valid answer.
"I didn't do any research for my oral report on raising chickens so I pulled a Palin and started talking about how to make fried chicken."

"I knew that car salesman was full of crap when he pulled a Palin on every question I asked about the car. The last straw was when I asked him about gas mileage and he just said, 'Little lady, I can tell you all day about how few times you'll need to take this pony to the trough but we ought to close the barn door on it before some eagle eye rustles it up from ya. Why don't we just talk about it in the office while I get the papers ready' I ran as fast as I could.

"When I asked my boyfriend about the rumor he was doing gay porn, he pulled a Palin and mumbled something about my friends trying to pull a smear campaign."

"If he asks you what you were doing afternoon, pull a Palin and talk about your new car and how cute his kids are."
by Brett Burkhardt January 16, 2009
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