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Brett Burkhardt's definitions

Martyr Moment

A moment of self denial, privation, or sacrifice that a person uses for sympathy and pity for years on end or to guilt people into doing what they want.
Ed knew that driving his girlfriend to the airport at 4am was just the martyr moment he needed to get more oral.

“Lilly, you can just jump down off that cross now. Staying three minutes after work is not a martyr moment worthy of asking for Friday night off.”
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Spelling Bee-otch

1. Someone who spells their name when they don’t need to, especially if they start using words. The words chosen are usually random or far more interesting than the person.

2. Someone who has a fucked up name but just won’t spell it and expects you to know how it should be spelled.
"My name is Pam Jones....That’s P-A-M....J-O-N-E-S." Said the spelling bee-otch

“My name is Joe Smith...J as in Jammin’, O as in Octopus, E as in Enlightenment....S as in Socialism, M as in Macho, I as in Illicit, T as in Tangerine, and H as in Heavenly”
“Sir, could you stop being a spelling bee-otch for one minute here.”

“My name is Jaxq Villaxiquocal.”
“Can you spell that please, Sir.”
“No, you should know how to spell that it’s a very simple name.”
“Well, if you’re going to be a spelling bee-otch I’m afraid that I just can’t help you today, sir.”
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Mumblefuck

When the person you're talking to is mumbling and you can't understand a damn thing they're saying. Usually used in situations where they're giving you important information like a reservation number or directions on how to get somewhere.
A typical mumblefuck conversation.
"Can I get your order please?"
"Yeah-um...I'd *mumble*...and then *mumble* large *unknown stammering*"
"I'm sorry, what?"

"Hey, Amy, how do we get to your house from downtown?"
"You'll go down *mumble mumble mumble*...after that you'll take a *mumble* onto 4th *mumble*
"Hold on, Amy, just a sec....Guys, can you shut up for a sec, this is a real mumblefuck conversation and all your talking isn't making this any easier to hear."
by Brett Burkhardt May 12, 2008
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Prowling for Predators

1. When police officers pretend to be pre-teens to lure out sexual predators on youth oriented websites and chat rooms.

2. When a teen goes into a sexually explicit chat room or website as if they don’t know what’s going to happen.
Robert loved his job prowling for predators. Sure pretending to be a 12 year old girl was a bit odd but he loved nothing more than busting pervs who tried to meet up with his alter ego at the park.

The girls at Stephanie’s slumber party thought it would be fun to go into the “hot nasty XXX NY/NJ” chat room and start prowling for predators until the creepy messages started.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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Nutrition Nazi

Someone who insists on getting in everyone’s face and insulting and belittling them on their food choices.
“Oh, girl, I just watched a Nutrition Nazi rip some poor girl a new asshole for having a carton of non-soy milk in her cart at the grocery store!”
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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tab abuse

When you pick up the tab for someone and their simple request turns into a dozen expensive things.
"When we go to the bar and he picks up the tab he limits us to tap beer but when I pick up the tab he insists on getting $10 martinis."
"That us such tab abuse, tell his ass he can buy his own drinks."

A common tab abuse situation.
"I forgot my purse at home, will you buy me a pack of gum and maybe a pack of smokes?"
"Sure."
"Sweet! In that case, I also need another pack of smokes, two frozen pizzas, some chips, a six pack, a box of tampons, and a bottle of vodka...oh and some orange juice..."
by Brett Burkhardt May 12, 2008
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Fashion Fool

Someone who spends a fortune on clothes and shoes that look like shit.
We all laughed when she told us that she spent $300 on that blue zebra print dress. For the same price, she could have had 35 dresses exactly like it from the bargain bin at K-Mart.

We knew we hit the goldmine when we opened this trendy boutique. Fashion fools will pay a fortune to get a “one of a kind” dress no matter how ugly it is.
by Brett Burkhardt April 27, 2008
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