52 definitions by daltonjfk
What everyone doing Dry January has secretly started by the middle of the month.
They may not be washing back Buds with Whiskey suds, but don’t be fooled. They’re high as balls.
They may not be washing back Buds with Whiskey suds, but don’t be fooled. They’re high as balls.
Ah yes, Leonard and Celine back at their old charade - pushing the wine glasses away as if we didn’t know they’re in full-blown Sky High January mode and smoked three blunts before they came to dinner.
by daltonjfk January 17, 2020
by daltonjfk August 30, 2019
The act of hiding one’s dirty dishes under their roommate’s dirty dishes in the sink.
Gives the impression that the Mess Chess player has not contributed to the rising pile and allows him to pin the blame on his unsuspecting roommate. Expert-level players will make sure to eat the same thing their roommate last ate in order to hoodwink and bamboozle him into thinking the dishes are all his.
Gives the impression that the Mess Chess player has not contributed to the rising pile and allows him to pin the blame on his unsuspecting roommate. Expert-level players will make sure to eat the same thing their roommate last ate in order to hoodwink and bamboozle him into thinking the dishes are all his.
“Louie will never realise those extra plates I stashed under the pan he left in the sink are mine. I’ve checkmated him in Mess Chess.”
by daltonjfk September 8, 2019
The friend or flatmate whose glistening fingers are always in your food.
Mr. Steal Yo Meal keeps very little in his own refrigerator. Eyewitness reports typically mention fuzzy half-eaten salads from Sweetgreen, cold lasagna, and the last slice in the packet of cold cuts. Though he is never seen preparing his own food, Mr. Steal Yo Meal is never hungry because in under a second, his arachnid-like digits can pilfer half a portion of fries and a pan full of pasta you were going to eat later.
Mr. Steal Yo Meal keeps very little in his own refrigerator. Eyewitness reports typically mention fuzzy half-eaten salads from Sweetgreen, cold lasagna, and the last slice in the packet of cold cuts. Though he is never seen preparing his own food, Mr. Steal Yo Meal is never hungry because in under a second, his arachnid-like digits can pilfer half a portion of fries and a pan full of pasta you were going to eat later.
1. "Your Honor, the defendant was caught smacking his lips despite having not cooked any dinner for himself. The defense rests."
2. "The Judge finds Mr. Steal Yo Meal guilty of Grand Theft Nuggets and sentences him to a trip to the grocery store on his own damn card."
2. "The Judge finds Mr. Steal Yo Meal guilty of Grand Theft Nuggets and sentences him to a trip to the grocery store on his own damn card."
by daltonjfk November 6, 2019
an individual of such immeasurable stature that he may be mistaken for a terrestrial rock formation. Attracts enthusiasts but should be attempted only by trained professionals.
Liam: “Whoa dude, there’s a pair of legs over there at the bar all by themselves!”
Wolfrick: “Nah bro, lean your head back and you’ll see it’s really a Count Everest”
Wolfrick: “Nah bro, lean your head back and you’ll see it’s really a Count Everest”
by daltonjfk August 30, 2019
Expression pronounced by someone who has just heard a joke or story of such high comic value that the listener is instantly deceased. The listener may request an urn from their friends in which to store their remains safely for posterity.
Those who prefer enterrement to cremation may alternatively request “coffin pls”.
Those who prefer enterrement to cremation may alternatively request “coffin pls”.
1: “Did you hear about Gary swimming naked in his boss’s koi pond while stoned.”
2: “Fetch me an urn please.”
2: “Fetch me an urn please.”
by daltonjfk September 30, 2019
A sad vacation to a sad location. The Ghettaway is the family getaway to Fort Lauderdale, the weddings in Palm Springs, the company retreats to Myrtle Beach, the honeymoon at the Hilton Honolulu. While most often accessed by car or RV, Ghettaway hotspots can also be reached via Spirit Airlines or Greyhound bus.
Common Ghettaway activities include threatening a divorce, sleeping with unattractive coworkers, wearing Oakley sunglasses, and yelling inappropriately at one's children in the line for cracked waterslides. Returning home with gift-shop T-shirts is typically considered a must.
Common Ghettaway activities include threatening a divorce, sleeping with unattractive coworkers, wearing Oakley sunglasses, and yelling inappropriately at one's children in the line for cracked waterslides. Returning home with gift-shop T-shirts is typically considered a must.
The whole block knew it was time for the Bransons' annual Ghettaway to Virginia Beach when they could be seen packing their motor home with enough Mountain Dew for the two weeks of Spring Break.
by daltonjfk October 18, 2019